Saturday, January 31, 2004

A Funny For You

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.

When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.

St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"

The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man.

He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.

She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ...

very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.

St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"

The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"

How To Tell If Your Cat Has Seen You Naked

Click Here

Todd TV

Have you seen Todd TV yet? Todd TV is FX's new reality show. They follow this 30 year old guy around with a camera, and the audience gets to call in and vote on his life, and decide what he has to do next. He's pretty cute, so I turned it on to check it out, and it's pretty entertaining, but so far not all that exciting. There's only been one or two shows, so far, so we'll have to wait and see how it all turns out, but this guy is really not a very happy with the whole situation. Now, watching this, my question was, what the hell is this guy's problem? He, presumably, volunteered for this show. He agreed to it, and invited the cameras into his life, and all he does is whine about the whole thing. He just moans and gets all irritated with just about every decision they tell him about. They gave him a therapist, but he doesn't really want to talk to her much. He's not happy with having to go to a therapist. Then they voted on whether his mom or his therapist should be his roommate for a week. The therapist got chosen, which he was happier with than his mom, but still he was whining. They make them sleep in bunk beds in the same room. Not an ideal situation for anyone, especially when your room is the size of a closet to start with, but that's the game. He's whining. The therapist should be the one whining, because his apartment was pretty gross. They decided he needed to date this girl he decided he didn't like, and he was rude and whiny. They voted on whether he should have to be a singing telegram guy, or become Brett Michael's (the rock star dude) personal assistant. He was all pumped when they chose Brett for him to work for, because he thought he'd be in learning how to make music and being in on the recording aspects of things, and he wound up cleaning his car, going on beer runs (and not getting any beer), and untangling cords while the rest of the guys partied. He was whining. I'm gonna watch a bit more, to see what else they make him do, but I really hope his attitude changes a bit as the thing goes on. He makes himself look like a big baby. I hope he changes his attitude for his own sake, too, because pretty soon the audience may decide he's a loser and get sick of his whining, and start sending in really bizarre, messed up suggestions, and he may end up doing stuff he really, really doesn't to do, just because it's funny.

Im Not Troubled

Which Silver Screen Siren are you?

brought to you by Quizilla

Sharon Osbourne Show

Seeing as I'm still suffering through with only 6 cable channels to watch, although actually it's 7, I discovered that I also have FX, so it's almost bearable, I have to find things to watch late at night. The choices are slim. I've started watching the Sharon Osbourne show at 5:00 a.m. She's a freak! She cracks me up. I've never really watched the Osbournes much, though I like the few shows I have seen. It conflicts with something else I watch regularly, so I never caught it, but I like her show. Today, she had Mandy Moore on the show, and was asking her about her tennis player boyfriend, and she asked her if she handles his balls. She explained she meant his tennis balls, but not until Mandy turned sixteen shades of red. It was too funny. But that was nothing. Martin Henderson was on after Mandy, and he's pretty much a hottie. I'd do him, in case the issue ever comes up, for the record I'd be quite willing. He's like 30 years old, from New Zealand, so he has a pretty sexy accent goin' on, and he's in the movie Torque and Britney's Toxic video. Sharon sits right up next to him..totally invading his personal space, next thing she's asking him if he "shagged" Britney, and if she's a good kisser, and then she's putting her legs over his, and moving closer and closer to him. The poor guy is like, what's up with this?? Then she starts kissing him. First of all..she's way older than him..second, she's married with children..and here's this poor guy just trying to do a guest appearance to promote his movie, and he's making out with the host on her couch. Where else does this happen, except on her show? Of course, if she were a guy and did that to a female guest, it would probably end up all over the entertainment news stories. A much older, married male talk host who molested his guests would get so much shit, but because it's a woman, and it's Sharon Osbourne, it's no big deal. He didn't look too upset about it, actually, though seemed a bit shocked. It's strange how certain people can just get away with things other people would catch a shitstorm for. Well, she entertains me anyway, so I guess it's okay.

Friday, January 30, 2004

A PSA For Your Enjoyment

If you have a slobby boyfriend, who has a slobby nephew who is staying with you for the weekend, and 2 cats in your house that use a litter box which happens to be in your bathroom.. pure white tile floors.. NOT a good idea! Unless you want to spend your days, sweeping up litter, and constantly wiping dirt and hair up off the floor.. just say NO to the white tile floor in the bathroom.

That is all.

Call Me....

Where does the time go? It's been two days since I've posted, and I didn't even realize it. I've just been kinda busy over here, working and trying to get stuff organized. Ive had company and stuff, too, so that cuts into my blogging time. I'm a happy, happy camper today, cuz they came and hooked up my phone! You don't realize how much you use the phone, until you don't have one. At least I didn't, I can't speak for all you non-phone people. Over the past week, about 10 times a day I find something that I need to make a call about, but I'd go to make a call and remember I didn't have a phone. That really and truly sucks! It especially sucks when you just moved, and you need to call utility people, and cable people, and call and check on this or that, and you have to wait a whole week before you can do any damn thing. But now I have a phone again, and it's all good. I can reach out and touch people to my heart's content. It's not completely wonderful yet, though, because for some reason the two pre-existing phone jacks in the house don't have wires running to them or some fool thing, so they are essentially useless. The phone guy came and I had him put in a jack in my room, and I expected I would have service in the other jacks also, but that, it appears, is not the case. Now, I have to call the phone company and have them send someone else out to run wires and get the previous jacks working. The guy who came today didn't have time to do it, because he was already running a little late for his other appointments this afternoon. J doesn't know that the jacks in his room don't work yet, but I'm sure he'll be bitching when he finds out. I can hear the conversation in my head already. He'll tell me that I should have bitched about the other jacks not working and insisted the guy fix them today and get them working, cuz he would have bitched and got him to fix them had he been here. I just don't know how to handle things. I let people walk over me. I don't know what I'm doing.

Danny stopped by today, the guy I'm buying the house from, to pick up something he left here, and Belle, who has never gotten up under the house before, decided to make today the day she not only got up under the house chasing the cat, but got herself stuck under there. I had to reach under the house and take her collar off of her to let her loose. He didn't say much about it, because it is my house now and all, but it's still in his name, since it's a rent to own deal, and if for some reason we do damage to the house, like a big stupid dog getting stuck up under the house and ripping something out, and then we decide to move out and not buy the house, he'll get stuck fixing it. It just doesn't look good, and I was so embarrassed. She has never done that before, the whole time she's been tied out there or been running out in the yard. Way to go, Belle! I'm about frustrated enough with her to start with, because any chance she gets she busts out of the yard, so I really wasn't happy with that. I was ready to pack her ass in the car last week and drop her off at the pound. J says we need to buy one of those big chain link kennel dealies for her to run in, but I'm not paying 200.00 to buy the stupid ass dog her own private fenced in yard, because she's too retarded to stay in the huge-ass yard provided for her. She just gets chained up every time she goes out, and Jazmine and Niki get to run.

Oh well, there's a whole bunch of stuff I'd like to write about, things that are hopefully a whole lot more interesting and entertaining than my phone lines and retarded dog, but at the moment I've gotta get doing something productive. I'll get to the interesting stuff as soon as I get a chance.

Thursday, January 29, 2004

Who Are The People In Your Neighborhood...

So, tell me again why it's a good idea to allow people to have guns? Here in Jacksonville, on Monday night, 3 people got shot in a robbery of a convenience store. The store was right around the corner from the house I just moved out of, on 103rd St. Three people, I think it was the two owners, and a worker, were closing the store and standing outside of the store, when 3 guys came up, forced them into the store, robbed them, and for some reason shot two of them in the face, and one of them in the leg, and made off with the money. I had been in the store once or twice, but rarely go to convenience stores, so I'm pretty sure my chances of having been there were slim to none when it occurred, but it happened right in my neighborhood. Then, today, a woman right here on the Southside, not too far from where I just moved to, parked her car in some young guys driveway, because there wasn't enough parking at the day care center next door to his house to park while she went in to get her daughter. When she came out, which I'm sure didn't take long, the owner of the house confronted her with a gun for parking in his driveway. I don't believe the driveway was posted as No Trespassing or anything, not that I suppose it matters. It is rather rude to park in someone's driveway, but if you have to park somewhere for a minute or two, to run in and grab your child from day care, how many people would do exactly as she had done, and not expect in your wildest dreams to be confronted at gun point for it? This is the reason why I have serious problems with allowing people to have guns. I know, criminals will get them legal or not, and we need to be able to defend ourselves from the criminals by being allowed to bear arms, yada, yada, yada. I suppose it makes sense, and I can agree with that, to a point, but when people are that psychotic, that they would threaten someone with a gun for parking in their driveway, it just makes me really nervous to think how many other psychos are out there toting guns, ready to pull them on someone for some minor thing. The guy is holed up in his house, surrounded by the SWAT team, right now, and has been that way for hours, so far. Who knows how it will end. Maybe he'll get his ass shot and killed by the SWAT team, or kill himself, or surrender and get carted off to jail, all because he decided to go out and point a gun at some poor rude woman who made the unfortunate decision to park in his driveway. Luckily, he didn't hurt her, but I'm sure she was scared as hell for herself and her child. I can't say much, and I don't really have a strong opinion either way, but I don't have guns, I don't like guns, I don't know much about them, and I'm petrified of them and wouldnt want one in my house, even a hunting rifle. I guess I don't have much of a point with this post, I'm not saying that guns are evil and should be banned, or that they should remain legal, because I don't have the answer to that. I couldn't begin to know which is the right opinion on the issue of guns and gun control, but it just makes me shake my head in disbelief when I read the kind of things that go on, and I can't help but think that if they were made much, much harder to get, some of the stupidity that goes on would never happen.

Wednesday, January 28, 2004

Snow Storms

I've been watching the news, and watching the reports of the storms hitting everywhere, with the shots they're showing of New York City, among other places, blanketed in snow, as more continues to fall. When I see that, I'm sooo glad I live in Florida. I feel so bad for all of you out there getting buried with snow and ice. Just thinking that it's still January, and those snowy states may continue to get snowed on periodically for as long as March in some areas, that's just so dang depressing. I remember those days. I remember the feeling of everything continually covered in snow, the cold, the hassles of the snow shoveling and the general crap that goes along with it. I would get depressed from being inside and locked up, having to hibernate for all those months. It's a little bit cold here, but still warm enough to go out in without a jacket, or just a light one. Though it does get colder every so often. I'm gonna go snuggle in my bed, and be thankful I won't wake up to snow..and wish for an early spring for all of you poor souls out there suffering through these storms.

Tuesday, January 27, 2004

Quote of The Day

"Former 'Playboy' Playmate, a Miss November has come out of
the closet and admits to being a lesbian. It was quite obvious
because her turn-on’s included Miss April."
-Conan O'Brien

J and The Invisible People

I'm almost finished with this whole unpacking thing. I got all the totes and boxes unpacked and put out in the shed, mostly because the guys did most of it on Friday. If it were left up to me to do it all, I'd still be living with furniture all over the place and totes piled up on the porch that I'm gonna bring to the shed, "as soon as I get a chance", aka sometime before Christmas. Now all there is to do is pull out the stuff that got shoved into my closet for "later", and wade through all of that stuff, and get it organized. Then I'll be done, and ready to relax and enjoy my new house. I slept like a dead woman today, for about nine hours. I guess I was a little tired. When I woke up, the heat was on, the door was wide open, and the gate was left wide open, because, apparently, J is on some special kinda crack and just left everything wide open when he left this morning. That means, that for three hours, from the time he left until I got up and closed it, we were heating the outside. I don't know what was up with that, but I'm gonna find out. If I did that, I'd never hear the end of it. I'm sure he'll have some good excuse. Most likely his usual "I didn't do it" I'm sure he'll tell me the door was closed when he left. The dogs must have learned how to open the door, or someone broke in, left the door open, but didn't take anything, and the dogs never barked. They just wanted the door to be open. He would never do that. J never does anything. There are two people who live in a house, and something happens that I know I didn't do, and he didn't do it either. I say, I know you did it, because I saw you do such and such, or I know it wasn't me so it had to be you, but he didn't do it. Apparently, we have imaginary people and/or ghosts who live in our house and break glasses, lose sets of dishes, drink all the tea and don't make more, leave towels on the kitchen floor, use all the ice - because he "hardly ever uses ice", but he'll use a whole tray when he makes tea and can't wait for it to cool, and will just leave it empty on the counter. But, he didn't do it, he makes ice all the time. He fills the trays when he's done with them. Those empty ones on the counter? I must have done that. If I had done it, I would know I did it and not bitch...but still, he didn't do it. These invisible people also eat a whole jar of peanut butter that I just bought, so there's hardly anything left. It had to be them, because when I say "Damn, hungry much?? You ate the whole dang jar of peanut butter in a week", he says he didn't do it. Yet, he's the only person I know who eats it out of the jar by the spoonful, I know I didn't do it, and the peanut butter is gone. He didn't do it. Those dang invisible people again.. inconsiderate bastards! I keep telling him that one day I'm gonna put up hidden cameras in the kitchen, so I can find out just who keeps sneaking in here and doing all this stuff that he claims he didn't do. In the meantime, I guess I'll just have to deal with the ghosts, and stop blaming poor, innocent J for all the evil-doings of the invisible people.

Well, anyway, hopefully I will be completely done with the house in the next day or two, and can then get back to my regular grueling schedule of blogging and blogsurfing. I haven't been posting much, and I haven't had much time at all for visiting my blogroll and/or commenting. Ive been neglecting my duties, and I apologize, but soon I'll be back in the swing of things and can try to catch up on all the good stuff I'm missing.

Monday, January 26, 2004

Ya Know What?!

Ya know what sucks ass?! Basic cable, that's what. I know, I am fortunate to have cable at all. There are some people in the world totally bereft of any sort of cable hookup, whatsoever, and I feel their pain..I truly do. Not to detract from those unfortunate souls, but when you go from hundreds of viewing choices, with multiple movie channels at your disposal 24 hours a day, down to 13 channels..and one of those is a Christian programming channel, one is the TV guide, one is a shopping channel, and one has paid programming, aka infomercials, most of the day, that cuts your choices down to 9 channels, and 3 of those channels rarely have anything I'd ever want to watch.. so really, we're talking about 6 channels of actual watchable programming. What, exactly, is the point to that?! I am fortunate that Dan left his cable on for me, until they can come and hook my real cable up at the end of the week, otherwise I wouldn't even have the pathetic lot of choices I *do* have, but in the meantime I have no Sex And The City.. hello! I'm missing the last few episodes ever! How will I ever recover from that? I have no Lifetime, no Lifetime Movie Network, no TNT, no channel 17, no Dead Like Me, no Trading Spaces, no Animal Planet...nothing.. I have nothing. I have only the WB between me and a completely useless TV. I even had to unplug the TiVo because I have no phone until Friday. NONE.. phone, no communication with the outside world, whatsoever, until Friday, so I couldn't reprogram the channel guide. The TiVo wont run with the programming not right. Fortunately, I have a lot to do around here, with unpacking and getting the house setup, and I do have work to keep me occupied, and I do own 200+ VHS movies and a stack of DVDs, so I do have something to watch, and things to do to keep my mind off my troubles, but when at 9:00 last night, I ran in to the bedroom, picked up the remote, and got set to go to Channel 2 for my SATC fix, I suddenly realized that it wasn't going to be there. What? No SATC? No Real Sex? No Taxicab Confessions??? My heart froze.. I was in shock.. I think I actually shed a tear... I had to pull myself together and somehow get on with the rest of my night. I did it, but I didn't like it. Friday can't come fast enough. I don't know how long I can endure this deprivation torture. If they dont come and hook me back up soon, they may find me curled into a fetal position, with my remote in my hand, babbling softly to myself. If that doesn't happen, I may be forced to get a life, at least for four days, and do other things, like read.... or give J some booty. Can't watch T.V.? what else is there to do, might as well get laid. Sigh.. life is rough!

Sunday, January 25, 2004

Dead Girl Blogging

I'm so tired, if you blow on me, I might fall over. We were supposed to move on Saturday, that's what I'd been planning. That's what I told everyone. I even wrote it somewhere in one of these posts, I believe. Of course, when you're dealing with Captain Spazoid, aka J, nothing goes according to plan. He decided to get the truck on Friday and get the move done on Friday. This would have been fine, except I wasnt done packing, and had things I needed to do that I had planned to have another 24 hours, or somewhere thereabouts, to get done. Instead, I got rushed and hurried and things got thrown in totes, boxes, and trash bags willy nilly, and it was all rush, rush, rush, which is what I was trying to avoid to start with. Now, I can't find squat! On the upside, true to his word, they did do most of the work, and I pretty much just had to supervise and hand out cash when they told me to. Of course, they got the rest of the house clean and cleared out, and got everything unpacked, and took the totes and storage type stuff to the shed, and threw out boxes, etc., but whatever they didn't know what to do with, got dumped in my room. I'm still wading through it. My room looks like a cyclone hit it, but I'm too tired to clean it anymore or do anything more. Last night, I was so tired when I got into bed, there was clothes and a big box at the end of it, and I just left it there and went to bed. I finished unpacking the kitchen stuff they didn't know what to do with this morning, and got my living room half finished today. On top of this, I have had to try to work, so sleep has been in short supply. I ended up being awake from Thursday at 5:00 p.m. until 3:30 Saturday morning. Yeah, that's about 35 hours. I'm too old for that shit, I about died! LOL

It took Belle all of five minutes to figure out how to get out of the yard, so we've been having to go out in the yard and watch her to keep her from escaping. The little biotch! I had to stop him from beating her silly today, he's really getting frustrated with it. I don't care, I'll just tie her and let Jazmine and Niki run free, that'll fix her. First she squeezed her ass right out under the gate, and off she went like a shot. He took some cement thingies that were in the yard and buried them under the gate, and lowered the gate down some. That took care of that. Then, she got out through a hole in the back fence, he covered that somehow. Then, she started jumping over it. She figured out somehow that the ground was slightly mounded in the corners of the yard, and she could get herself up and over. So he tied boards up in the corners, so she couldn't get out that way. Then, somehow she got out again. We don't know how yet. Now, she's being tied up when they go out, and she's not happy, but at least she won't have to get beaten, if she can't get out of the yard anymore.

Today, we did a lot of running around, so I'm dead tired from that, too. We left about 2:00 this afternoon, after having spent the morning finishing the kitchen and starting the living room, J decided we needed to go to Wally World. I forget what we needed to go for, but we ended up getting a bunch of stuff for the house. I got a new bathmat, a light for J's room, a shovel, a swiffer type sweeper, some new towels, new dishes, a kitty scratching post for Elmo, so he wont scratch up my chair anymore, and a trash can for the kitchen. I think that was all we got there. Then we went to Home Depot, and got some kinda something he claimed he needed for his ceiling fan, and some cement blocks he said he needed for some reason, and I got some of those electronic pest control thingies that plug into the outlet, cuz when I was putting stuff in the kitchen drawer, I saw something that looked suspiciously like mouse poop. They claim they'll get rid of mice, ants, spiders, roaches, and all kinda things. I hope they work, cuz if I see a mouse I'm gonna freak. Dan says he never saw one in the house, but that don't mean there isn't one here somewhere. He bought a few other things too, but I don't know exactly what they were. He swore he had to have it all, though. Then, we had to go to his sister's house to drop off a modem to her. Then, it was on to Taco Bell, where we ate the first food we had all about 8:00. Now, I'm bout dead, fighting to stay awake, and I desparately need a shower, but instead I'm gonna sit here and try to keep my eyes open and do some work. I don't think my production is gonna be especially high, since it's hard to type when you're snoring in the chair, but I'm sure gonna try. I'm gonna sleep for a week, once we get everything finished.

Just a Little PSA for Today..

Wet, fresh from the shower, naked behinds and vinyl-type puter chairs do not mix. Naked wet asses will stick to said puter chair. If you do forget this tip, and sit in the puter chair with your wet, naked ass.. don't stand up suddenly, it can be quite painful having your ass flesh ripped violently apart from the chair.

That is all.

Saturday, January 24, 2004

Time For A Quickie...

It's time for a real quick update. The move went off pretty smoothly, and I'm now in my new house YEAH!! I didn't end up hiring a mover, because J decided it was too expensive, and we didn't need them. Yeah, right! I told him I didn't want to have to move stuff and deal with any bullshit, and he promised I wouldn't have to. He went and got his nephew, John, and they came to the house, helped me finish packing my stuff, packed all J's stuff, and got it all into the UHaul. Then, they even cleaned the house up for me. Well, I helped some, but they really did most of it. I'll give more details later, but I'm really happy with it , so far. Now, I've got to work tonight, to make up for missing work last night with the moving. But first, I'm going to take my very first shower in my new house, under water that is clean and not smelly like sulfur, and that won't turn my tub brown. Wooohooo!

Friday, January 23, 2004

Strange indeed!

For some reason, I've been having some really weird cravings lately. Taco Bell.. for some reason that's what I'm craving most, specifically Beef Buritto Supremes and those Steak Stuft buritto's...mmmmm. That's not too strange, except it's now 6:00 a.m. and I'm craving buritto's. Now, what kind of breakfast is that? I would go wake J up and make him go get me one if they were open. The other thing I'm craving is Lay's Dill Pickle chips. I tried some the other night, and they're pretty good. Not spectacular, but I really like em. I love Salt and Vinegar chips, too. But, I don't usually crave chips of any kind. I'm not a big chip kinda girl, just once in a while I'll grab some. It's like, if they're there, I'll eat them, but I wouldn't go to the store just to buy them, usually. Today, I could go to the store to get some chips. The other thing I'm craving is orange juice. I seriously want some orange juice right about now. So, what's up with this? I know a lot of the time cravings are caused by something lacking in your diet, so maybe that's it. I dunno, but I want some dang burittos and a bag of pickle chips and a big glass of OJ... now *there's* a combination for ya! Breakfast of champions!


OMG. The Michael Jackson Sleepover Kit I found this, and thought I'd share. I love Liquid Generation, they're demented. This is just wrong! LOL

Ta Da!!

Hello all! I don't have much time to write a whole bunch, still a bit busy packing and stuff. Things are getting down to the wire, and so far, so good. I have tomorrow and Saturday to get it done and get outta here, and I've got the majority of the house ready to go. I guess he's gonna get the truck tomorrow and start moving stuff, or at least start getting the truck loaded, and that will make it easier for me to finish stuff with less crap in my way. The toss pile is probably going to the get dropped off somewhere on Saturday, not sure where yet. I did manage to find my cord for my camera, and I uploaded the pics and put them on a webpage, instead of on this page, so as not to clog this page with a bunch of pics House pics

It's not much to look at, cuz it's a little house, and everything is pretty much just white. It has kind of a strange layout, with the two bedrooms being right next to each other, and the only bathroom being off the master bath, but we may put J's room in the "official" living room, though that will mean we can't use the front door much, but will make it easier if people come over. Otherwise, they have to go through his room to get to the potty, and as many times I go to the kitchen in the middle of the night, I'd be constantly waking him up. If I don't, the dogs will. Hopefully, in time, I'll be able to afford to remodel and we'll build another room more like a normal bedroom, and possibly a half bath. Until then, it should be fine. We don't need much. I'm definitely gonna have to paint when I get a chance, at least one or two rooms, just to have a little bit of color. I'll try to get some better pics at some time in the future, and take some of the yard. It has a pretty good size yard, so the puppies are gonna be in doggy heaven. I'll just have to get used to living in a place that small again, it's been a while since I haven't had a pretty good bit of space to work with, but since I mostly live in my room, I doubt it will make much of a difference. The hardest part will be at night, cuz J is a light sleeper, which is part of the reason he has his own room, cuz he pisses me off when he gets woke up and bitches. I'll have to learn to be really, really quiet if I have to be in the kitchen while he's sleeping. Either that, or get him some ear plugs.. and some Nyquil ..or a baseball bat.. whatever works, ya know.

Thursday, January 22, 2004

Stolen from Lee Ann

What Video Game Character Are You? I am Mario.I am Mario.

I like to jump around, and would lead a fairly serene and aimless existence if it weren't for my friends always getting into trouble. I love to help out, even when it puts me at risk. I seem to make friends with people who just can't stay out of trouble. What Video Game Character Are You?

Doctor, Doctor...

Actual doctors' notes taken from patient charts.
"The patient complains of a dry cough that hurts when he
coughs and also when he takes deep breaths for 4 days."

"While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated, and sent home."

"Patient had waffles for breakfast, and anorexia for lunch."

"The patient states there is a burning pain in his penis
which goes to his feet."

"Patient was alert and unresponsive."

"Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for
over a year."

"The patient has no past history of suicides."

"The patient left the hospital feeling much better except
for her original complaints."

"Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.

"The other foot has the missing toe."

Wednesday, January 21, 2004

Where's My Hearing Aid?

Okay, I'm working this afternoon and typing a report from one of my regular docs. He's a good one, too. He doesn't mumble, he speaks at a good pace, he speaks English, he even spells stuff sometimes, if he thinks it might be hard, so you don't have to look it up. He's doing a Death Summary on a patient, and I swore he said "acute renal failure and chopped liver". That's what I typed, and then I stopped myself ..Huh? that can't be right! I listened again..hmm..several listens later, I figured out he was saying "shock liver". That's damage to the liver from decreased blood flow, or something like that, aka ischemic hepatitis, in case you were wondering. Good thing I was paying attention to what I was doing today, cuz this poor guy could have ended up with his death record saying he died from chopped liver.

Popsicles, anyone?

It sure is cooooooooold out there today, and I'm in Florida! I feel sorry for all you poor people living in the actual cold part of the country, cuz my ass is freezing here. It was about 60 yesterday and the day before, and now it's maybe 30..if it's even that much. Have I ever mentioned how much I hate the cold? So, there I was at 4:00 a.m., outside in the freezing cold, chasing Belle. Don't ask me how she got loose. One minute she was chained, the next she was booking ass down the driveway, trailing the chain behind her. I think she figured out how to unhook it! I thought I finally found something to hold them, dammit. I stood out in the driveway, I was smart enough to put on pants and shoes before I went out this time, and I watched her running down the street away from me. I looked up at the sky, and it was full of stars and very clear, so I stood there and just looked at the stars. I suddenly realized that I haven't really looked at the stars for a really, really long time, and it was beautiful. I looked for the big dipper and the little dipper, and then I all of the sudden got really dizzy from standing there staring upwards into the air like that, and had to hold on to the car to keep from landing on my ass on the concrete. I suddenly remembered why I don't stand and look at the stars that often. I must have some sorta inner ear disturbance or something, cuz I can never look up like that without getting dizzy.

Tuesday, January 20, 2004

On A Roll!!

I am a packing machine! I slept til about 2:00 this afternoon, because I went to bed at 9:00 this morning, and shortly after I got up I was in there packing. I got my entire video collection..all 250+ of em..packed in about 20 minutes from the time I got up, and then moved on to the bookshelves. I got the shelves done, and moved them out of the room, and cleaned off my computer desk to where you can actually see the desk part now. I packed up the DVD player and the DVDs, and then headed for the was on to the closet! I pulled out boxes and baskets and bags full of crap. Pictures, toys, CDs, computer software, old keyboards and 2 it still mice when talking about a puter mouse?? Happy Meal the bagful..beanie babies, linens, and clothes.. it was amazing what came out of there, really. I was ruthless!!.. well, okay, maybe not ruthless, but I was pretty dang mean! I wasn't quite as strict with myself about the clothes sorting as I should be, but the toss pile has about 20 things in it, and I haven't finished it all yet. Of course, the keep pile has 40 or 50..but who's counting. I think I made real progress, and tomorrow I do the other half of the closet. There's not a whole bunch of stuff on that side, actually, so it shouldn't take long. But, my bureau is in there, and it's full of clothes and has a clothes basket full of stuff sitting on top of it, so I'll have to sort through all of that. I think I should be able to get the majority of stuff out of here and ready to go by tomorrow night. Well, I'm going to eat my dinner..yeah, I managed to cook, too...and then I'm gonna get some work done. It's another bonus day, and I need some extra cash.

What's Normal About Love...

I don't know if you know this about me, if you have read my 100 Things list, you may know this, but I love dysfunctional T.V. Jerry Springer, Anna Nicole.. that's great T.V. Why? Cuz, it's like a train wreck, you don't want to watch, but you just can't stop yourself. I just get a kick watching all the phuqued up-edness of the guests on Springer. Don't know you watch, too! What I really wonder is, what is it that they pump in to the studio that makes every woman on the stage spontaneously rip their clothes off at the slightest provocation. One guest says to the woman she just found out is sleeping with her husband, "You're nothing but a whore", and the outraged woman rips her clothes off in response, and goes after the wife..what's up with that??! Are these people for real?? If you believe the big ta-do they had a few years ago about fake guests and fights being staged, then I guess they aren't, but I think, sadly enough, that most of these people are truly as demented as you think they are. I, personally, if you can believe it, know, or know of, people similar to the people on this show. You would think it isn't possible for people to truly be this dysfunctional, but you would be wrong. Most of the people in this world do not lead "normal", perfect, cookie-cutter lives. The Cleavers are not the norm, at least from what I see. People have secrets and failures, and they do phuqued up things when they think nobody's looking. They have affairs, they cheat on their taxes, they dress up like women, they try gay sex, they download really kinky porn, they have strange fetishes they'd never admit to their family or friends, they abuse their children, they visit hookers, they have secret abortions, they're alcoholics and crack heads..and on and on. The Jerry Springer show claims to have 2000 people call in a week wanting to be on the show. Who are these people?? They stand up on a stage on national T.V. and tell the world how they are sleeping with their brother, or their brother's wife, or their mama's husband, or are secretly homosexual, and cheating on their pregnant wife with her gay brother, and then act all outraged..and surprised.. when the audience reacts and tells them what kinda freaks they are, as if they didn't expect it. Presumably, they've seen the show before. "It's none of your business", is a typical response from the guests, but..guess what..when you stand on national T.V. and tell the world, it becomes their business..and it's funny, too.

I have watched a whole lot of Jerry Springer shows, and the one I watched this morning got me thinking. The show was called "Love Hurts", and one of the guests was a woman who claims she was there to tell her man's girlfriend she was taking her boyfriend. The tramp claimed her man was sick of his GF, all he did was complain about her, and she wouldn't let him drink beer or go to strip clubs, or hang out with his friends and party..the bitch! She, of course, treated him right, and he wanted to be with her, or so she thought. A confrontation ensued, where the tramp rips of her clothes..and, really, she needed to keep them on...and they start scrappin..abusing poor Steve and the other bodyguards in their attempts to get at each other. Then, they bring out their man..who looked to be maybe 19 ..but must have been 20 or so, since he was going to strip clubs and bars.. but he tells his GF how much he loves her, he disses the tramp, says he loves the GF and their kids and he's sorry..and then proposes. She accepts! question often does this happen anywhere other than on the Springer show? It happens quite often on the show, and it makes you wonder, is it just something about being on the show that makes people completely insane? Is it something funky in the "trailer park" mentality of anyone who would be on the show in the first place, that makes this seem like a rational, intelligent thing to do? Or is it that, as the song says, "Love is Strange". Is it reasonable to expect love to be of the fairy tale variety, and to believe that, that type of relationship is the way the majority of relationships really are, or are some of these people on these shows closer to the norm than we would like to believe? I said some..not most.. but a lot of them. What is "normal" in love and relationships? Have you ever had a partner cheat on you, or cheated on them, and forgiven them..or been forgiven... maybe repeatedly? We all know of, and some have been in, abusive, dysfunctional relationships. I know I've been involved in a few doozies, myself.... I won't even get into me and J's relationship, but it's far from the fairy tale, and pretty messed up, but still we're together, and it works for us. We've all been involved with that person, and may be married to one, that our families just hated, yet we loved them and stayed with them anyway. I know of several people who were married or in serious relationships, who met someone else online, fell "in love", and dumped their spouse for the online love. Is this any different, really, than leaving your wife, five chil'ren, and your double wide behind, to find love with your new stripper girlfriend? I know of people who became addicted to crack or cocaine or heroin and abandoned their families, or started hooking for the money for drugs. I know a cross dresser. He's not homosexual, he likes women and wants to be one, so he says, technically, he's a lesbian. I know a woman with nine children by six different fathers, only one of whom she was ever married to. Though she's really a friend of a friend, and she lives in Mass, and probably doesn't even have her kids anymore. Yeah, she's phuqued up, and I'm not proud to know her, because, really, the children are the least of her problems, but she's real, and she could be a Springer guest and fit right in. I know a couple who split up after 5 years of marriage, the guy moved off and had a completely new family while she raised their 3 kids alone with no support, then, after almost 30 years of being separated, they were somehow reunited, and the man dumped his other wife, of 30 years, and his second family, and remarried the first wife. True story! Of course, he then dumped the first wife again, because she got sick and he couldn't handle it, and returned to the second wife. Hmmm.. I dunno. Maybe the problem is, I just need a better class of acquaintances. Where did I *meet* these people?? But the question really is, what is closer to reality, the fairy tale, perfect relationship, or the Jerry Springer freakfest we all love to make fun of?

Mystery Quotes

"comes in here with that damn zucchini!"

"They say that the wages of sin is death. But after taxes its just a tired feeling really."

"Adults are always asking kids what they want to be when they grow up because they are looking for ideas."

"I used to work at The International House of Pancakes. It was a dream, and I made it happen."

Do you know who these came from? I do.

Hey..Gimme That Back!

Ya ever have a word or a saying that you made up, and that you've never heard anyone else use, and then all of a sudden other people are using it. Yer all like.."Hey! you stole my word!" I went to visit Scott at The Gamer's Nook today, and he totally stole my word .. he said confuzzled, and nobody else uses that word but me Okay, some people use it. I didn't really invent it. But, I've never seen or heard anyone else use it. I think I got it from Winnie the Pooh or sunthin.. LOL

Although, I guess I can't say much, cuz I stole Buzz's embiggen.. I like that word.. : O)

Monday, January 19, 2004

Five days.. and Counting

I've been a busy, busy girl today. I managed yesterday to get my living room about 95% done, as far as packing stuff, and my kitchen is completely packed with the exception of the dishes and food we need for the week. My bathroom is packed, but clean is another story altogether. Today, I tackled my room. I have sorted and sorted again, and tossed, and wrapped, and with the exception of the hour and a half when I got sucked into the "magazine pile" trap, I did well. The toss pile is steadily growing, and I am still doing well with that. Though I'm no closer to deciding what to do with it ultimately. A quick trip to the Good Will drop off is looking like the best option, at this point. I felt bad, but I ended up tossing a pile of about 40 back issues of magazines I had waiting to be read. I could be missing out on some fabulous reading experiences, but it had to be done. I thumbed through them, for an hour or so, and then finally, in the end, decided that it was a waste to keep them. They had to go, cuz I ain't never gonna use those recipes I was keeping the magazine for, or do the butt firming exercises recommended..and I will never use the amazing decorating tips to turn my hovel into a palace.. so out they went. I may have a memorial service for them at some point in the future. Tomorrow, it is time to revisit my bedroom closet. Thankfully, I did the big cleanout a few weeks back, and that will help, but there is more in there that I can get rid of. I have a ton of clothes that are gonna be tossed. If I haven't worn it in the last year, it's outta there. I may go in there, and never be seen or heard from again.. but I am prepared to take that risk..I'm brave like that.

It's That Time Again!

Fourth Annual Weblog Awards

It's time....! Yes, it's time again for the citizens of the blogosphere to show their appreciation for the best of the blogs, and go vote in the Bloggies. Now, as I went and checked out the nominees, and skimmed the categories to peruse my choices, I noticed one glaring fact.. one shining omission.. one sad, sad thing.. I WAS ROBBED AGAIN!! Once again, I have been passed over, and my obvious spectacular talents have gone unnoticed. ::sigh:: What is WRONG with you people. First the Best of The Blogs, now this! Okay, so my design sorta sucks. I could have a better color choice, or pick of those fancy, schmancy templates all the popular kids got. But, in my defense, I'm on Blogger, and I just don't know how to make it all pretty. Then again, just being on Blogger puts me outta the running from the get-go, if people who claim to be in-the-know can be believed. Are any of the nominees on Blogger? I don't know, I haven't checked officially, but I'm willing to bet that they aren't. I think that was it, right there. My problem in a nutshell. I knew I shoulda switched to MT when I was thinking about it last month, but did I?? Noooooo. I've shot myself in the foot. What? My content could be the problem, you say?? I don't THINK so..! Doesn't everyone in the world wanna hear about how many times I chase my dogs through the streets in a week? Aren't my trials and tribulations of putting up wit...errrr loving J fascinating and compelling reading? Then, I openly share all of my various test results and meme entries, and that alone is enough to keep em coming back day to day..ain't it? I just don't understand how these things happen. I guess I'll just have to get over it and try to muddle through, and go on somehow with my life. Next year..we'll just see what happens next year! pfffffffft
I am Tuesday's Child

What day are you?

Sunday, January 18, 2004

I'm Getting There

Well, I am not much closer today to being done with my packing than I was when I finished on Friday. Yesterday, I didn't do much in the way of packing, aside from sorting some of the stuff in the junk drawers in my room, and I managed to do most of my laundry. We ran to Wally World last night to get trash bags and a few more totes, and to pick up some boxes. If you ever need boxes for moving or anything, just go to a Super Wally World about midnight or so, they are busy restocking the shelves and have carts full of them. You can take as many as you need, in a bunch of different sizes. I learned that the last time I moved. Also, if yer stuck, you can order Priority Mail boxes from the post office in bunches of 25 or so, for free. They will even deliver them to your house free of charge. Of course, if you get caught using the Priority Mail boxes for anything other than Priority Mail, like say as free packing boxes, then you could get a big, big fine, but that's only if you get caught. Not that I would condone doing anything like that. Not that Iwould ever do such a thing, because it is illegal, it is dishonest, and, therefore, it is bad. But you could do that, you know, if ya got stuck or something.

I felt bad that I didn't accomplish much on the moving yesterday, but I had to get some work done, because it was a bonus day, and I needed to try to earn some extra cash. I managed to type about 90.00 worth of bonus lines, so that will come in handy. Today, I'm going to do a batch or two of work, earn some more bonus money, and then spend a couple hours packing and straightening stuff up. My goal for today is to get the kitchen and the living room done, and possibly the bathroom. Then I'll work on my room the rest of the week, I should be able to get it done by Saturday, with any luck. J is on his own with his room and his stuff.

On the good news front, I thought I was going to have to buy a microwave, because ours died last week sorta sudden-like, but J's friend, Mike, gave him one. That was a pretty cool thing, I didn't want to have to buy one. It's a pretty decent one, too. I was looking at them and pricing them, and for the money I can afford at this moment, if I needed one right away, I'd have to get one of those little, tiny ones that have no functions for about $30.00 or so. This one is a big one that has roast functions and all kinds of stuff on it. Not that I do much of anything with it beyond make popcorn and boil water, but a girl likes to have choices. That's just one less thing I gotta do.

We went over to the house today and signed the papers, and gave up a big wad of cash, and got the keys, so we can, actually, start moving whenever we like. We will wait until Saturday, because it will take me that long to get everything ready to go, but it's all mine. Just sitting there, waiting for me. Now all I gotta do is change my address, and call to have the phone on and whatever else, and it's all good. So, I better get back to work and do my batches, so I can get my behind in gear and get packing. Anyone feeling like packing and sorting.. come on ovah!! LOL

Saturday, January 17, 2004

The Goodbye Girl

I'm watching TNT's version of "The Goodbye Girl". I wasn't going to do it, but I couldn't help myself. The original version of this movie is one of my absolute favorite movies of all time. I've watched it a million times. I own it, and I never get tired ot it. I love it. My curiosity got the better of me. Marsha Mason, Richard Dreyfuss, and Quinn Cummings.. they did it to perfection. I love Marsha Mason anyway, and Chapter Two is another one of my all-time favorites, and Richard Dreyfuss is *THE* Elliott Garfield, in my humble opinion. In this new version, they casted the Pepsi Girl, Halle whatever, as Lucy, and I guess she's pretty good at it, but she doesn't do it quite as well as Quinn. She's not quite as cute as she was when she was younger. She doesn't have the right smartass-iness, but she did okay. I like Patricia Heaton, in general, and she actually is pretty good as Paula, but I don't like some of the little extra lines they throw in. I know, it's updated and it's a remake, and it's not supposed to be exactly the same, but they changed some things I didn't like. It wasn't all bad, some of the new stuff was interesting, some of it was just annoying. She just didn't have the emotion that Marsha Mason does. At the end, when she gives the speech about "A man is walking out of here, and I am not crumbling into a million pieces".. it was lacking.. It just wasn't the same. Noone does heartbreak like Marsha. I still cried, cuz I'm like that.. but I was sorta left wanting. Then we have Jeff Daniels as Elliott.. ummm.. No! I like Jeff Daniels in just about everything I've seen him in, except for some reason I always confuse him with Bill Pullman..the guy in Sleepless and Seattle and While You Were Sleeping, etc. I don't know why, but they just remind me of each other somehow.

I just don't buy Jeff as Elliott. Granted he had some pretty big shoes to fill trying to out do Richard Dreyfus in that role, but he just doesn't have the same charm. He's definitely lacking charisma.. no matter what Cynthia Fine says. He overacts, he's trying to hard or something. He butchered the "I-don't- like- the -panties- drying- on the- rod" line. They changed it, or he changed it to something like, "I-don't-like-your-little-panties-drying- on-the-rod". A subtle difference, no big deal, but just didn't sit right when you're used to a certain line. And the "I sleep in the nude" speech, just wasn't the same. His version of the meditation scene, I just couldn't deal with that. He had a cloth on his head, and made strange sounds. Just didn't do it for me. On most of the classic lines, my favorite Elliott parts, he just didn't quite cut it. He did have a few moments where he did well. I'm not saying he was bad, or I didn't enjoy the movie. He was okay, but overall.. eh!


I was "an Elizabethan fruit fly." I was "the Betty Boop of Stratford-on-Avon." I was "putrid." Capital P, capital U, capital TRID.

Elliot Garfield: You know I love listening to you talk. I hate living with you but your conversation is first rate.

Elliot Garfield: I play the guitar whenever I cannot sleep, and I meditate every morning, complete with chanting and burning incense, so if you have to walk around I'd appreciate a little tiptoeing. Also: I sleep in the nude. "Au buffo." Winter and summer, rain or snow, with the windows open. And because I may have to go to the potty or to the fridge in the middle of the night, and because I do not want to put on jammies which I do not own in the first place, unless you're looking for a quick thrill or your daughter an advanced education I'd keep my door closed.

Paula McFadden: I thought you said you were decent!
Elliot Garfield: I am decent. I also happen to be naked.

Elliot Garfield: Miss McFadden, today I begin rehearsals for my first New York play. It will be the most important day of my life. Am I nervous? No, I am not nervous. For I have meditated. I am relaxed. I am calm. I am confident. You, on the other hand, have not meditated, and therefore you are a pain in the ass.

Elliot Garfield: What is it about you that makes a man with a hundred forty-seven I.Q. feel like a dribbling idiot?

Paula: I don't know, but whatever it is, I thank God for it.
Elliot Garfield: If you were a Broadway musical, people would be humming your face.

Paula McFadden: You were never four-and-a-half, you were born 26.

Elliot Garfield: Despite the fact that you're one large pain in the arse last night was the best thing that ever happened to me, girl wise, and if you weren't behaving like such a horses rectum you would know that we could be inside touching and fondling all day long until I've got to go to rehearsal. Personally madam, I think you blew it.

[during rehearsal of Richard III]
Elliot Garfield: My careereth is over! I am making a horseth asseth of myselfeth! Mark, I'm begging you! I'm BEGGING you! You want this kind of performance? Let me play Lady Anne!

Paula McFadden: What happened to your eye?
Elliot Garfield: I used it to stop a fist from going through my face.

Paula McFadden: Out!
Elliot Garfield: Out
Paula McFadden: Her Out. They have motels for this sort of thing.

Lucy McFadden: Congratulations
Elliot Garfield: For What?
Lucy McFadden: I didn't know what else to say.

Paula McFadden: Get that rising young actress the hell out of here.

Elliot Garfield: Out of where? Out of my rented apartment that Im letting you stay in out of the goodness of my heart? I will bring home anyone or anything I chose including a one-eyed Episcopalian Kangaroo if that happens to be kinky inclination. As for what is going in there, we are rehearsing a scene from Act 1 Richard lll. I happen to have a cretin from Mars directing this and I need all the help I can get. However, If I do attempt to have carnal knowledge of that gorgeous bod that'll her option, my problem, and none of your business. Just for the record what do think little Lucy's impression of what was going in mama's bedroom with Tony "Love Em" and "Leave Em" Deforest, huh? Hey Mac why don't turn off some these were running up a heck of bill.
[He enters his bedroom]

Elliott Garfield: I happen to have a lease in my pocket. Are you gonna honor it or what?
Paula McFadden: I have a daughter in my bedroom. That tops the lease in your pocket.

Elliott Garfield: [reading a review of his performance as Richard III] "Last night, we discovered that William Shakespeare had written 'The Wizard of Oz'."

Elliott Garfield: [pulling one pair of panties off the shower curtain rod with each phrase] And I don't - like -the panties - drying -- on -- the rod!

Lucy McFadden: [watching Elliot's performance as a gay Richard III] Looks like the guy at the beauty parlor.

Elliot Garfield: ...I'd just like to say that last night was terrific, ok? It was the Grey Cup of romance. I give it a fat nine on a ten scale. You loose one point for burping your wine, but all-in-all it was a respectable score.

Lucy McFadden: How long is he going to stay?
Paula McFadden: As long as he lets us.

Paula: You're embarrassing me! I'm 36, I'm not supposed to get embarrassed anymore.
Paula: I hate that goddam it's good to be alive feeling.
Ron (director): Paula! A little rusty, but not bad. Problem is, I need em really young.
Paula: Young? Okay, I'll work on that.

Buried Alive..

HELP!! My house is a wreck. I have pulled all the crap outta my closets and cupboards, and it is now strewn from one end of my house to the other. I didn't realize how much stuff I had socked away, until it was all pulled out and tossed from one end of the house to the other. I have 3 bags of trash. That means, that I have been carrying around and storing 3 trashbags full of trash, mixed in all my goodies, for God knows how long. And I'm not done yet! The good news is, I have gone through and sorted everything in my spare/storage room, and got that all packed up, and everything in my kitchen is sorted and packed, except for enough dishes and pots to get me through the week, and the food. I also managed to pull everything out of the livingroom closet and sort through all of that massive amount of junk in there, and about 90% of what was in there is now in the toss/sell pile. I'm actually doing pretty well with tossing stuff plan. With few exceptions, I have been pretty ruthless about getting rid of stuff. Then again, I haven't gotten to my bedroom yet. That's where it will get a little hairy. I have a lot of precious treasures *cough* in boxes in my closets. Things I just don't know if I can part with. Things like ticket stubs, and souvenirs, and magazines and books I'm gonna read "someday, as soon as I get a chance". I think I may need a week for my closets alone. I'm still trying to decide what to do with the crap in the "toss" pile when I'm done. I have two boxes and a huge trashbag full of books, mostly Harlequin Romance type books, and a few John Grisham types, that someone gave me, and I'm never going to read, or I already read them. I hate to throw them away, I don't know anyone who wants them, and I could list them on Ebay, but it will take forever to list them. Then, if they sell, I gotta box them up and lug them to the P.O. I suppose, I could just count them and list them as a box lot, and just start them at 1.00, and someone might buy them. At least they'd be outta here. I have an old Waring Blender, just the bottom part, that works fine. It needs the jar, which I had and lost somewhere. Someone may want it, and I have had it forever and had planned to buy the jar for it, but never got around to it. I like it, but I now have a new-type blender, and the other is just taking up space. I don't want to throw it out, it still works, and I like it. Then there's the miscellaneous teddy bears, dolls, shoes I never wore, clothes, dishes, and all manner of other crap that are in the pile, too. I have a big box of 300+ 45's, but I have no turntable. I'm not getting rid of those, though. I'm definitely gonna get a turntable one of these days. I don't know, I guess I'm gonna just have to go through everything again, wade through the mess, keep sorting, and try to have it all done and ready to go by Saturday. I suddenly have the feeling this is gonna be the shortest week in history, and I'm never gonna be ready to go.
Rent is the show for you!!!
RENT! you belong in rent! light my candle?

What Broadway Show Should you be in?!
brought to you by Quizilla

the friday five

It's time for the Friday five: again.

1. What does it say in the signature line of your emails?

I don't have a signature line, I just sign it JaxVenus, Susanne, or ME, depending on who I'm writing to.

2. Did you have a senior quote in your high school yearbook? What was it? If you haven't graduated yet, what would you like your quote to be?

Carpe Diem, Baby!

3. If you had vanity plates on your car, what would they read? If you already have them, what do they say?

JaxVenus or Goddess

4. Have you received any gifts with messages engraved upon them? What did the inscription say?

Nope. Just boring ol' uninscribed stuff.

5. What would you like your epitaph to be?"

Hmm.. I dunno I'll have to think on that one for a bit.

Friday, January 16, 2004

Today Is The First Day ....

of the rest of my week. Today is the day folks, yes, it's finally here. The pay period is over, its Friday, and today has been designated as the official First Day of Packing. I will soon be immersed, ass-deep in a whole lotta crap I don't need, and have no idea why I've kept this long. I will sort, clean, toss, wrap, and tape until I drop. I have big plans, and I'm determined to be ruthless. I am planning to throw everything I have had in a box and haven't looked at for than a year out. I may toss it, I may give it away, or I may put it all in big boxes and throw it up on Ebay.. whatever I decide to do with it, it's all going. Even my Happy Meal Toys, that I've had for years collecting dust in boxes... They're going. Well, except for the wind-up kind, and the kind with the friction wheels that run along the floor. I like that kind, but the rest of them are gone. Clothes that have been in bags or hanging in my closet for a few years, that I'm gonna wear someday, they're going. Two boxes of books I've gotten from one place or another, that I know I'll never read, but have felt guilty just throwing them out. They're going! It won't be pretty! If I'm not back in a week, send a rescue party. I may not survive.
There's a 20% chance that I'll win a Bloggie™.
What's Your Chance to Win a Bloggie™?

Wednesday, January 14, 2004

Caution or Paranoia?

Well, I'm taking a quick break from work, and decided to slap a lil somethin' up here for you guys. I'm making steady progress on the work front, and am planning to stay up and type my little fingers to the bone, until my eyes close and can no longer be foced to stay open. I'm a girl with a mission. My tummy, though better, is still not quite up to snuff, so I'm thinking a water fast is in order to give it time to rest and recuperate from the abuse. That means that tomorrow J will be bitching because he will be hungry, and I will not be cooking. If he thinks I'm cooking, when I'm not eating, he's in for a sad, sad awakening.

For the 459,000th time, the dang dogs got loose tonight grrrrrrrr They break their leash every freakin day now! I was trying to avoid buying new leashes before I moved, since I will only need them until I move, but I think I'll have to break down and get new ones. The wire kind, that they can't break. I'm so unbelievably sick of chasing after dogs. Although, it does get me up off my ass and makes me walk up and down the street, so it isn't a total loss. If it wasn't for chasing the dogs, I pretty much wouldn't leave my house, and barely leave this seat. I wish I could let them run, but the neighbors don't dig the dogs running loose. It was Belle that got loose tonight, about 1:00 a.m., and I had no idea she was loose, until I heard her barking her fool head off at some guy walking down the street. I got up and quickly threw my shoes and shorts on, and ran outside to get her, at 1:00 a.m., wearing just a pair of shorts and a very thin T shirt.. I was wearing no socks and matching underwear. It's cold out there, too. So, with the thin shirt, and no bra, there I stood under the street light, nipples ablaze.. I was very obviously cold out there. The guy she had been barking at, once I went out there, continued walking down the street, and I apologized for her barking at him, and told him she had broken her leash. He said it was the fifth time this week, and I told him it was the second time today, they do it several times a day sometimes. I thought he was taking his disgruntled ass on home, and I got hold of Belle and brought her inside, but Niki was still out there running free. She started barking a couple minutes after I got inside, and I went out to get her, and the guy was standing in the middle of our street, watching her. I think he was trying to capture her for me, because he was watching where she went, but all he was really doing was making her bark. I called her but she ran the other way. Usually, she's good and will come when I call her, but not tonight, of course. Now, I'm standing at the end of my driveway, at 1:00 a.m., obviously chilled, under the streetlight, and this guy starts coming closer to where I'm standing. Why? I don't know. Maybe he just wanted to make sure I got Niki inside. Maybe he was trying to make friends. Maybe he was lonely. Maybe he was a rapist/serial killer or some other kinda prevert. I don't know why he was coming closer, but at 1:00 a.m., half naked, on a deserted, very quiet street, I wasn't feeling too keen on the situation, so I turned around and started heading into my house, just in case, and waited til he went back down the street towards his house before I went out and got Niki into the house. Once I got into the house and was all safe again, I thought about how I had gotten kinda nervous because a strange guy came towards me at night. I felt kinda silly really, when I thought about it. It's not like he had a knife, or a gun, or was threatening me in any way. He didn't really even make much of an attempt to speak to me, except about the dogs, and was seeming to just be trying to make sure I got them in the house. He may not even have noticed my nipples. I know you can never be too careful, and anything could happen, but he could have just been a nice, concerned guy, trying to help an obviously under dressed, cold woman to get her dogs, so she could go back inside. But, why is he out there at 1:00 a.m. in the first place, unless he's up to no good, or drunk or something? So, now I'm thinking maybe I'm a little paranoid, and maybe getting older has made me distrustful and scared. He could just be on his way home from work or something. A few years ago, I wouldn't have worried about the situation, I might have even flirted with him, but now It makes me nervous and I start thinking negatively right away. I dunno. Better safe than sorry, I guess, but still it kinda bothers me that I automatically assume someone is probably up to no good, when they may have just been trying to be neighborly. But, at least I got the dogs in safe and sound, and made it back into my warm house without too much fuss or problems. Now, I'm going back to work, because my bed is looking mighty tempting right now. I don't want to give in and fall asleep, I must continue with my mission.

Just Because

Ok, I know I'm posting meme's and jokes and filler crap, and not providing you lovely visitors with much posting of substance, but it's only because I'm kinda busy and don't want you to feel neglected. See, that's how much I care. :O)

Tuesday, January 13, 2004

JOke Of The Day

The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified,
well-dressed, good looking man in his late 40's or early 50's.
'Can I help you?' she asked.

'I want to see Natalie', the man replied.

'Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps
you would prefer someone else,' said the madam.

'NO, I must see Natalie' was the man's reply. Just then,
Natalie appeared and announced to the man that she
charged $1000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled
out ten one-hundred dollar bills and gave them to Natalie
and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.

The next night the same man appeared again, demanding
to see Natalie. Natalie explained that no one had ever
come back two nights in a row - too expensive! and there
were no discounts. The price was still $1000.

Again the man pulled out the money, gave it to Natalie
and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.

The following night the man was there again. Everyone
was astounded that he had come for the third time
consecutive night, but he paid Natalie and they went upstairs.
After their session, Natalie questioned the man. 'No one
has ever used me three nights in a row. Where are you
from? She asked. The man replied, ' South Carolina.' 'Really'
she said. ' I have family in South Carolina.' ' I know,' the
man said. ' Your father died and I am your sister's attorney.
She asked me to give you your $3000 inheritance.'

The moral of the story is : SOME THINGS IN LIFE ARE

I Got 25 Points

Pholph's Scrabble Generator

My Scrabble© Score is: 25.
What is your score? Get it here.

Give Me Time

Where can I put in my request for an extension on my days? I think I need another 12 hours added to my days, because I can't seem to get a dang thing done with these piddly little 24 hour days. I only slept 5 hours, and I worked some, but other than that, I got nothing accomplished, I barely blogged yesterday, although I did have the excuse of feeling like death. I cleaned my bathroom some today, but it's not what you could call "clean". It's just less of a swamp than it was this morning. I swept the kitty litter up off the floor anyway, so that was an accomplishment. I even managed to get my stank behind in the shower. That is truly one of the main things I'm looking forward to about moving, I will be in a house with City water, that doesn't smell, though it will still taste like ass, but it won't turn my tub a deep, dark shade of brown. I won't have much time over the next few weeks either, more than likely. Until I move, I'll be working to try to earn money to move on, and trying to find time to pack. I have a list of things a mile long in my head I want to blog about, but I just don't have the time to sit down and do any real in depth posts about anything interesting. I will keep the list though, and as soon as I'm settled I will be sure to try to get them all in, and make up for lost time. Right now, I'm going back to work, because I have three days to do 6 days worth of work. Wish me luck!

Blog It Forward IV.. Because You Know You Want To.

Today was officially Buzz's Blog It Forward IV day, and I still haven't done mine. I'm late.. but I will do it soon. I will share the linky love, because there are so many deserving of the attention. I, in the meantime, am excited to report that I got my first BIF from Scott, and it made my day. He's got some good stuff going on at "Dead Batteries in the Remote Control", and recently got his very own blog domain, so go check him out, if you haven't already. I guess that is my BIF for today, so I'm not a total slacker, after all. I just wanted to share a little more love, too. Stay tuned for more linky love, in the near future.

Monday, January 12, 2004

You are Poetry.
You are often the most emotional of the arts. You
are introverted, in that you tend to let people
come to you rather than trying to get their
attention. You get along well with Music and

What form of art are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Which Woman Do You Prefer ?

1. HARD-DISK Woman:
She remembers everything, FOREVER.

2. RAM Woman:
She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.

3. WINDOWS Woman:
Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one can
live without her.

She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!

5. INTERNET Woman:
Difficult to access.

6. SERVER Woman:
Always busy when you need her.

She makes horrible things look beautiful.

8. CD-ROM Woman
She is always faster and faster.

9. E-MAIL Woman:
Of every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.

10. VIRUS Woman:
Also known as "WIFE"; when you are not expecting her, she comes,
installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to
uninstall her you will lose everything, if you don't try to
uninstall her, you will be rendered useless ...
Either way, you lose.

Some Funnies

** For all of us who miss those great old tunes from the 60s
and 70s, there's good news! Some of our old favorites have
re-released their great hits with new lyrics to accommodate
maturing audiences. **

** Bobby Darin - "Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash"

** Herman's Hermits - "Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker"

** The Beatles - "I Get by with a Little Help from Depends"

** Marvin Gaye - "I Heard It Through the Grape Nuts"

** The Bee Gees - "How Can You Mend a Broken Hip"

** The Temptations - "Papa's Got a Kidney Stone"

** Nancy Sinatra - "These Boots Aren't Made for Bunions"

** Paul Simon - "Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver"

** Roberta Flack - "The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face"

** ABBA - "Denture Queen"

** Leo Sayer - "You Make Me Feel Like Napping"

** Commodores - "Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom"

** Johnny Nash - "I Can't See Clearly Now"

A Brief PSA

For those who were concerned..huh? noone cared??..well, I'll ya anyway, I'm feeling much better. After a few hours of sleep, some loud, really foul-smelling burps, and allowing my poor, abused belly to rest, things appear to be almost back to normal. The sight of food still makes me a tad queasy, but I have every reason to believe that I will survive, and eventually my appetite and ability to look at food without wretching will return to normal. There will be no long-lasting effects to "the incident". Thank you for your well wishes and heartfelt outpouring of suppo..... What? Noone wrote? Noone called??.. noone gave a rat's ass???? Well, screw you too, ya heartless bastards! I need to drown my sorrows.. where can I get a cupcake??

Here They Are..

My Unconscious Mutterings for this week are here.. Enjoy!

  1. Mitchell:: Margaret
  2. Mercury:: Rising
  3. Cycle:: Bike
  4. Engagement:: Party
  5. Alternative:: Ending
  6. Gang:: Bang
  7. Emotional:: Rescue
  8. Skinny:: Cow
  9. Hypochondriac:: Illness
  10. Insecure:: Unsure

Ugh!! What Was I Thinking!?

For the past week or so, my diet has been rather sparse. With the exception of the ribs I ate at Woody's the other night, and the Chinese food I had, I really haven't actually eaten much real food. I have had cravings for things, but then when I'd go to actually eat them, I'd just pick, and end up feeding most of it to the puppies. I haven't been consciously watching what I eat, or trying to cut down, really, but I just haven't felt much like eating. I've had to kind of make myself eat real food, because the only thing I've wanted was things like toast, pineapple, or cookies...balanced diet, huh! I've just been sorta grazing. For some reason, yesterday I had the munchies all day long. I just ate and ate, and then ate some more. I think it was going to Di's and eating a full, big meal and then cake, etc., maybe it jarred my appetite. I started out with a big bowl of Cocoa Puffs at about 4:00 a.m., 2 peanut butter cups, and a mini 3 Musketeers, and then had, an hour or so later, some toast and hot chocolate. Then, around 10:00 a.m., I ate the remains of a rotisserie chicken I bought at Walmart on Saturday. Over the course of the rest of the day, I ate 5 more peanut butter cups, half of a one pound bag of salted peanuts.. the kind in the 8 oz tub of jello with whipped cream (and I don't even like jello), 2 Little Debbie brownies, a mint chocolate candy cane, and a tuna sandwich. I washed this all down with an entire 2 liter bottle of Pepsi, over the course of the day. I was fine yesterday, though I felt kinda bad that I ate all that, but I figured it was no big deal to binge every so often. It wasn't a big deal yesterday, but this morning it sure is! My stomach is seriously hating life today! I have this kinda bile, reflux-y thing going on, and it's achy, too. My head feels all floopy, too. I have a food hangover. So, today, it's water and not much else for me, and maybe some Ramen Noodles and a big bottle of Pepto, and with any luck my stomach will forgive me and stop punishing me for abusing it like that. In the meantime, I will be in my bed, praying for this ickiness to go away.

Sunday, January 11, 2004

Weekend Update

Good afternoon people! Just checking in real quick to say hi ::wavin to all the people::: and do a quick update. Dinner last night went well. The food was really yummy, followed by a very moist, equally yummy cake..with lots of chocolate frosting and sprinkles. I did behave myself, and didn't drink any beer or other alcoholic beverages, and I lost a grand total of .52 playing Tripoly. I had to leave early, to come home and get to work, or I probably woulda lost a whole lot more. I was having some seriously bad luck. I then had the pleasure, at 3:00 a.m., in the freezing cold, of searching the neighborhood for my idiot dogs. They broke their leash again and took off, but the way I had the leashes setup, their two chains were tied together. They couldn't get free from one another. I was afraid they were gonna get wrapped around something or hung up on something, so I had to go looking for them. Luckily, Niki was out there, so I asked her where they were and just followed her, and she lead me right to the morons. They were tied around my neighbor's fence post. I shoulda left them there, but I knew it was just a matter of time before they would have started barking or whining. I don't think the neighbors would have appreciated that too much, so I went ahead and sprung them, and took them home. It was pretty damn freakin' cold out there, let me tell ya! It was probably about 32 degrees, but mom talked to my brother John, and he said it was about 5 degrees in Mass, and that was up from the 1 below zero they had going on yesterday, so I guess I shouldn't complain.

On the news front, Dan says he will probably start moving out of my house next weekend, so technically, I could start moving stuff in then. I probably will just wait until the 25th and let the movers do it all, it all depends on how much stuff I have and how much I get done.

Brenda says she has a parrot, a greenwing macaw, I think that's what she said it was, that she'll give me after I move. I don't particularly want a bird, but J does, so if she comes through and brings it over, he is going to have to take care of it. But, that's not too bad to get a free parrot, those suckers aren't cheap. I used to have a sun conure, and she was pretty neat. I had to give her up when I left Hamid, I couldn't keep her at my sister's, because she had a zillion cats then. It might be fun to have another bird. This one talks a little already, so that will be kinda cool. Brenda sometimes flakes out on me when she promises things, but if she comes through and brings it, that will be fun.

Brenda also is going to hook me up with a friend of hers, after I move, for me to teach her transcription. I'm kind of excited about that, because I could use some extra money. At first, I was kinda reluctant about it, but now that I've thought about it, I think it will be okay. I have thought about teaching it before, but I wasn't sure I was up to it, but she says she does it all the time and it works out fine. Then she finds the people jobs once they're done being trained. That should help a lot, and if it works out, I can find more people who want to learn and maybe make some steady money for myself. Of course, that means I'll have to shower early in the morning, so I don't smell like ass when people get here, and I'll have to try to stay awake a few more hours during the day, and I'll have to, most likely, put on clothes during the day. That kinda sucks, but I guess I'll suffer through it all, cuz there's money involved.

Well, I guess that's it for now, and I gotta run and try to accomplish something today. I may post again later, if I get a chance.

Saturday, January 10, 2004

Unconscious Mutterings

Unconscious Mutterings: "

    Better late than never! : O)

  1. Vintage:: Clothing
  2. Longing:: Desire
  3. Specimen:: Sample
  4. Mock:: Trial
  5. Shit:: Happens
  6. Friday:: TGIF
  7. Cruel:: Summer
  8. Insufficient:: Funds
  9. Pessimistic:: Attitude
  10. Grin:: Wicked Evil

A Tale of 21 Beers

I really need to work alllllllllllllllllllll day today. I'm so behind, it's not funny, because of all the house seeing and dealing with J and his new car preparations, and the general crap I've been doing all week. I have to make as much money as possible, so I'll have enough money to move with. The only problem is, I have to go to my sister's tonight for dinner, cuz it's mom and dad's 45th anniversary today. She's making a roast and stuff, and we'll have cake.. no big deal. I know I'm gonna want to stay there and play cards and stuff, but I'm really not gonna be able to, because I'm gonna have to be home pretty early so I can come back here and work. What I really want to do, is hang out over there, do kareoke, and drink beer, and generally just phuque off the whole night. It's Saturday night, and I wanna par-tay. But, because I was a bad girl and didn't do my work, I must punish myself and make myself come home. I can't even drink some beers. I haven't had beer in a long time, really, and I could sorta use a few. I don't drink a lot, and usually I prefer something like strawberry ritas, amaretto sours, or white russions, but every so often I just feel like a beer. I talked to my best friend, Lisa, for about 3 hours Thursday night, and we were talking about stuff we used to do, and she reminded me of how I learned to drink beer. So, the beer cravings are her fault! Now THAT was a fun night. I used to really hate beer, and would never, ever drink it. Whenever we would all get together to party, I would have to buy a bottle of something, and mixers, and usually ice, since we never had any, and it would end up costing me 30.00 every time I wanted to get drunk. Everyone else would just pitch in 4 or 5 dollars and they'd buy a couple cases of beer and all get really, really drunk.. plus they'd want shots of what I was drinking, and me, being nice, I would share. I couldn't afford to party every night that way, so we decided to teach me to drink beer. We bought a case of Budweiser, sat at my mom's kitchen table with a deck of cards, and played "Up the River and Down the Stream" for four hours. It was just me and Lisa playing and we drank pert near the entire case of beer in that four hours. At first, it was pretty nasty, and I practically gagged every time I had to drink, but after a beer or two, I kinda got used to it. After a six pack, I couldn't taste it anyway, so it didn't matter what I was drinking. Beer..propane..wouldn't of mattered..I like it! If you don't know how to play "Up the River and Down the Stream", basically it goes like this. You take a deck of cards and deal each player three cards face up. The dealer then turns cards one by one. As he/she turns the first card up, they say "take one", and if you have that card in front of you, you take one drink. The next card is "take two", and you take two drinks if you have it, and the third is "take three", and you take three drinks if that is one of your cards. The next card is "give one", so if you have that card in front of you, you pick someone to take one drink, and so on for "give two" and "give three", and this continues until everyone passes out, or the beer is gone, whichever comes first. We finished all but 3 of the beers in that case in the four hours we played, I couldn't feel my face when we were done, and then we decided to take a walk, if you can call what we were doing walking. It seemed to me that Lisa had way more than her share of "give" cards in front of her, cuz I was pretty well lit.

It was about 2 a.m., or so, we were just barely 20, so not really legal to be drunk to start with, and we took a 10 block stroll up to Dunkin' Donuts to visit my friend Larry. He was the night manager of Dunkies, so we knew he'd be there making the donuts. We did make it to Dunkies and sat down, and there were only a few people in there, so we didn't embarrass ourselves too bad. We did manage to convince a couple of the "regulars" in there that Larry and I were married. We share the same last name, but aren't related, and we had the guy convinced that we were married and had two kids. The only other thing I remember is having a donut fight with Larry, and laughing until we almost wet our pants. There is a median in front of that Dunkies store, and there was two people standing in the middle of the median.. at 3 or 4 a.m... it was kinda strange. They were just standing there, talking. One of the old guys asked what they were doing standing there at that time, and I said "They're waiting for the boat". He looked at me like I was insane, and said "What boat?". I didn't know what I was talking about, I was just drunk and talking shit, messing with his head, and I said somethng about a boat comes by there to pick people up for fishing early in the morning. He explained to me that there was no water, etc., but I said that I knew that, but the boat was coming. About 20 minutes later, we looked up and a car came off the rotary it had a boat on a trailer on the back of it, so I said "See! There's the boat!" The guy just gaped, he kept asking me how I knew that was coming. That's when we almost wet ourselves. It may not seem all that funny to you sober people, but to drunk people who had been up nearly 24 hours, at that point, it was pretty dang funny. After that, we walked home and were just about completely sober by the time we got back to mom's, and then the hangover began. OMG!! I felt like death. I prayed for death. I couldn't even throw up to make myself feel better, because I've never been able to stick my finger down my throat and make myself do it. I just had to suffer through it, and suffer I really, really did. We made omelets and drank massive amounts of Coke, and then died for the rest of the day. I wasn't feeling too good, but I was able to drink beer that night with my friends, and that was our goal.

Now, I'm going to take my non-beer drinking behind off to attempt to get some work done, so I can go to Di's tonight.

Friday, January 09, 2004

Where'd My Day Go?

Gawd, I'm tired! I didn't sleep much last night, I didn't blog much or surf much today, and I certainly didn't accomplish much around the house, so I don't know what the hell I've been doing, but I didn't get much work done either. Today was kinda a waste really. I guess I spent a bunch of time messing with J and the car crap, and on the phone, and then we drove all the way over to the Southside to meet Dan, so J could see the house, but Dan wasn't there. So, we went out to eat at Woody's Bar-B-Q and then to my mom's. The waitress at Woody's was kinda flirting with J. Every time he looked up and she saw him looking in her direction, she would come over and ask him if he needed anything. Then she came over and bent over right next to him to pick something up off the floor, standing very close to him and she stayed bent over way longer than shoulda been necessary. Guess she wanted to make sure he got a look at her ass. Thing is, she doesn't know that she didn't have enough butt to make him happy. pffffffft. I was laughing, and he tried to tell me she wasn't flirting, but I know flirting. I invented it. . She's lucky I don't care, or I coulda kicked her ass, but, fortunately for her, I couldn't be bothered.

After we left mom's, I came home and called Dan, and he was home by then, so we had to go all the way back across town to meet him. That's close to a half hour drive over and back, and we did it twice. But, it's okay, because he did finally get to see the house and :::drumroll please:::: he liked it! He was planning on where he can put up shelves, and build a roof on the deck, and was making plans with Dan on how he can build another room on the house. He's pretty into it. Not that it really mattered, because I like it, and that's all that matters. But it's nice to know he likes it, so I don't have to listen to him whine and moan, and so I know he'll be happy, too. So the next move is to get stuff packed up and ready to go, and by the end of the month I'll be in my new house. Woooohoooooo.. I'm psyched. I did take some pics, but they aren't the best pics. I'll have to put them up later, because I can't find my USB cord to upload them with. I'll look for it and get them up as soon as I can. Hopefully, I can get some better ones later, but it will give you an idea for now what it looks like. Right now, I'm going to take a nap so I can get up and get some work done tonight. At least I'll try to anyway.

Stuff I Wonder

Is it strange, to wake up craving cheesecake with strawberry topping?

Is it strange, to wake up with a mysterious crotch pain you have absolutely no explanation for?

Is it strange, that my dogs won't eat food unless I take a bite first?

Why did I put 6 socks in the washer and only 5 came out of the dryer?

Am I the only one who forgets her mom's phone number and has to go look it up, even though you call it a zillion times?

Why do we say cold as hell?.. cold as shit? and just how cold is a witch's tit? I bet it's not half as cold as me right now!

Thursday, January 08, 2004

I Just Wanna Know

Why are the Blogspot Ad thingies at the tops of my pages still advertising New Years stuff? Are these people not aware it is well past New Year's Eve already? Aren't these things supposed to be kinda influenced by what you post? I thought I read somewhere that they change according to what kind of stuff is on your site. If that's true, why are mine about New Years? I didn't write much about New Years or parties or any of that, and the only thing I can figure is I write about nothing that they can zoom in on, and this is default generic stuff. I'm too boring to change my SPAM ads. Now, that's sad.

Driving School Test

Real answers received on exams given by the California
Department of Transportation's driving school:

Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?

A: What for? He can't see my license plate.

Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-
way stop at the same time?

A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker
saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do."

Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?

A: Your car.

Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could
no longer drive lawfully?

A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.

Q: What are some points to remember when passing or being

A: Make eye contact and wave "hello" if he/she is cute.

Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light
and a flashing yellow traffic light?

A: The color.

Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic?

A: Heavy psychedelics.

Woman Tries To Use "Get Out Of Jail Free" Card

Woman Tries To Use "Get Out Of Jail Free" Card

You can't blame a girl for trying! Woulda been funny if they said yes. Imagine the run on Monopoly games there would be, with people facing jail sentences running to get their cards. pffffffffft

Ya Sure This Ain't Alaska?!

Brrrrrrr.. its freakin cold out there. It was 65 degrees two days ago, and now its.. well, I don't know the temp, but it's a hell of a lot less than 65. If the dogs get loose today, they can run til they decide to come home, cuz I certainly ain't going out in that cold. It's way too freakin cold out there for me. A couple days ago, I was reading people's posts about snow and cold, and thought how weird it was to think that some places were covered in snow right now, and today it seems a lot easier to imagine. This is Florida, dang it! Where's my sun! Where's my warmth!

J is home today, he decided not to go to work. He says it was because he doesn't have gas enough in his car, but I think it's because he didn't want to go out in that cold. Plus, he wants to get the car cleaned out and get stuff ready because he's supposed to be getting his new car tomorrow. He's sticking with the gas story, though.