Tuesday, March 30, 2004

Heeee's outta here!

Heee's gone. J just brought John over, and he packed up all his stuff and moved his happy ass the heck outta my house..wheeeeeee. He got an apartment on the Westside with his new girlfriend, a one bedroom for 650.00 a month, that includes utilities, but still that's a heck of a lot to pay for a one bedroom on the WS. J just called me from the car to say it's a hell hole, with holes in the walls and a tiny bathroom, and it smells like pee. He couldn't guarantee that it was of the animal variety either.. ewwww. But, its their first apartment, and if they're happy with it, more power to em. As long as he's off my sofa, and outta my refrigerator, I don't really care if he lives in a box. Ok, that's not true, but now I no longer have to sleep in clothes. I no longer have to lock my door so I can take a shower without having to get dressed in the bathroom. I hate having to do that. I like to linger over my toilette, dry at my leisure, and moisturize, and powder stuff thoroughly, and then get dressed, while I watch T.V. I don't have to feed him anymore, and that's probably the best part. He tries not to be a hog, and it's not like he eats constantly or anything, but he's a 19 y/o guy..he does like to eat meals, and he likes a good portion. Then, there's the cost for extra pizza, and the fact that I'd pay for every meal for the three of us when we all went out to eat. Yeah, I could have told him he couldn't go with us unless he had money, but I'm just not that way. On the down side, J has noone to play with now. He says John told him in the car that they had had a fight, and he's worried she won't be with him for very long, and he can't afford the place on his own. He'd need to find a roommate. Not very likely at that rent with a one bedroom. Who wants to pay that kinda rent and not have a bedroom. I think he has it in his head that maybe he can talk J into moving in with him, since he doesn't think we should be together. He says we fight too much, but we don't really "fight" per se, we just have loud, discussions that frequently end with "fuck you!". But J said no way in hell. So, I'm going now to take off my pants and parade around my home in my undies..as God intended.

Here kitty, kitty

I almost stole somebody's kitty this morning. I'm not proud, but what can I say. It's not a pretty thing when you realize you have a the ability in you to be a kitty stealer, but it's something I just have to live with. My stupid ass dogs went off running this morning, because the pizza guy left my front gate open last night..grrrrrrrr I was soooo pissed!! I went out to get them, and they were off. I called that guy lots of not pretty names, I can tell ya that. My favorite I think was ass-phuqing whore. Yeah, delicate and oh so feminine..that's me! It, of course, took me hours to get them back into the house, so I had to keep going outside, from 3:30 til about 7:30, off and on, to try to get them. It finally took J going out there when he woke up to get them in. At one point, about 6:30ish, I saw them way down at the other end of the other half of my street. My street is split in half by a road, and they were on the way far end of it, chasing something, so I decided to walk up that way and see if I could get them. When I got to the top of the other half, I stopped at the corner, and the sweetest. kitty. in. the. whole. world. just came running up to me for some kitty love. He was maybe 5 months old, orange face, top half, and tail, and white legs and belly, and he just wanted to be loved, and purred so loud I could hear him still when he walked away a bit to go see his brother. His brother was the second. sweetest. kitty. in. the. whole. world. He came running over too, and I just stood there and loved on em, and they were just purring, little motors running, and would rise up on their hind legs towards my hand for more love if I stopped loving them for a second. Soooo cute. They had come from a yard a couple houses up the road, and I assume that was where they lived, but I wanted to take them home so bad, cuz they were just such lovey kittys. Then I thought how sad I'd be if someone walked off with Junior or Elmo, and I decided I had to leave them there. They reminded me so much of my favorite kitty, Yellow Kitty. He belongs/belonged (I don't know if she still has the kitties) to Princess Fatass, and he was a completely orange, or actually more of an orange cream, colored kitty, and he was loveable and sweet just like these two. He loved everybody, would cuddle up with anyone and just purr so loud you couldn't hear the T.V. I thought about stealing him when I moved out of on PF, but I didn't need anymore animals, so I had to let him go. When I finally gave up on trying to catch the two assholes and headed home, the first kitty followed me all the way to my house, winding himself around my legs, or sometimes just walking beside me. It was real hard not to scoop him up and bring him inside with me.. cuz ya know yer s'posed to be allowed to keep stuff that follows you home.

Monday, March 29, 2004

A Little Good News

I got really good news today and I'm pretty dang happy. I'm trying to buy this house, right, but I didn't have the time to do the financing thing and stuff before I moved in, so I've been doing a rent to own thing with Dan until I can get the financing set up. The problem is, my credit is way phuqed up, so I figured it would take me a while to get things straightened out enough to get financing in my name. As it turns out, I'm :: this:: close to having good enough credit to get financed. I'm at like a score of 497 and I need to be at 500.. That's waaaay better than I expected it to be. So, the finance dude told me what I needed to do to get it up to 500, which should be pretty easy to do, and then I'm good to go! I'll have my house all in my own name and stuff..and decent credit.. Yippee! I don't care about the credit, really, cuz I have no plans to be getting any credit cards or anything of that sort. Been there, done that.. I'll pass, thanks. That's how I got myself all screwed up to start with. I had 15 of the suckers at one time, and it got to where I had to pay most things with the cards, cuz I needed all my cash to pay the credit card payments. It woulda took me a gazillion years to pay them all off if I didn't blow them off and stop paying. I didn't do it on purpose, I just had lost a job and got with some bad man choices, and eventually I, basically, just paid the ones with lower balances off and the bigger ones kinda got lost in the shuffle. I just couldn't pay em, so my credit went into the toilet. I had planned on paying them "later" when I could afford it, but the thing with credit is that once it's been on there for a while, say more than 2 or 3 years, you're stupid to pay them unless you can pay them off completely. Here's why. Most bad things stay on your credit for up to 7 years. They will eventually fall off and your credit will be like new. But as soon as you start paying on them again or make a payment arrangement with the creditor, the clock starts all over again. Which means that bad debt will be on your credit report for an additional 7 years from the time you start paying again. If you can pay it off quickly and then have it removed, you're fine. But if you would have to make regular minimum payments, and can't afford to just get it paid off, you're screwing yourself by paying it. You're actually causing your credit to stay screwed up for longer. Then, even after you pay them off, the fact that the debt was owed may still stay on the credit report until you request it taken off. The companies don't go in and update and say you paid it automatically. Now, this is information I've gotten from several people who deal with financial stuff, as well as a friend who went through the whole credit cleaning process - her financial advisor dude told her the same thing - and my financing dude told me the same thing today. I know, it sounds phuqued up for it to be better for your credit NOT to pay your debts, but I didn't create the system. So, now that I know my credit isn't quite the crapfest I thought it was, and I will be able to get my financing and have the house be really and truly mine, I'm doing the happy dance :::dancin like Snoopy:::

Then..the other possible good news, though it isn't official yet, John may be moving out. Whoohoooo. Now, it's not that I mind John, he's my nephew (sorta) and I do love the boy, but him being here really just costs me money and makes it pert near impossible for me to walk around in my drawers. I love walking around in my drawers. I don't like the clothing thing..at least not in my house. I don't know when it will be official, but it's looking good. I'm not counting on it . but I am crossing my fingers.
I am mozzarella!
Cheese Test: What type of cheese are you?

Stoled from gigglechick.com

Maybe it Was An Accident!

I heard on the local news this morning, that the neighbors of a man here in Jacksonville found him dead in his doorway with his throat cut, blood all over, yesterday..but the police are waiting for more information and investigation before ruling the death a murder. Hmmm. Now, it could have been an accident, but unless he cut his own throat and was trying to get out the front door to get help, which could have happened, I think it would be safe to go with the murder theory.

Bar Room Translations

'We won't be here long enough to get another round.

'Happy hour is about to end...drafts are now a dollar, but by the next round they'll be $4.50 a pop.




I am even willing to drink tequila if it means that I get to lick you.


I am even willing to drink tequila if it means that I get to lick you.

You are paying more attention to your friends than me.

I'm horny.

I haven't bought a round in almost 3 years, but I am an expert at diverting attention.

'EXCUSE ME.' (MALE TO MALE) Get the hell out of the way.

'EXCUSE ME.' (MALE TO FEMALE) I am going to grope you now.

Don't even think about groping me, just get the hell out of the way.

Move your fat ass. Who do you think you are anyway? You are not all that pretty, missy, and don't think for one minute that you are. Coming in here dressing like a ho... Get your eyes off of my man, or I'll slap you, bitch,like the slut you are.

'WHAT DO YOU HAVE ON TAP? What's cheap?

'CAN I HAVE A WHITE RUSSIAN?' (MALE) I'm really gay.


'THAT PERSON LOOKS REALLY FAMILIAR.' Did I sleep with him/her?


I don't have a license since I got pulled over and blew a .2 after my last visit here.

Did You Know Edition #1

Some weird sex laws that are still on the books include:

FLORIDA Single, divorced, or widowed women may not parachute on Sunday afternoons
FLORIDA Sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal.
ARKANSAS Adultery is punishable with a mere $20 to $100 fine.
Ames, IOWA Husbands aren’t allowed to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with their wives or while holding them in his arms.
UTAH Adultery, oral and anal sex, masturbation are considered sodomy and can lead to imprisonment.
UTAH Sex with an animal - unless performed for profit - however is NOT considered sodomy.
VIRGINIA It is illegal to copulate in any poisition except missionary
WASHINGTON It is against the law to have sex with a virgin under any circumstances. (Including the wedding night).
ALABAMA It's against the law for a man to seduce "a chaste woman by means of temptation, deception, arts, flattery or a promise of marriage."
MINNESOTA It is illegal for any man to have sexual intercourse with a live fish.
Alexandria, MINNESOTA No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath. If his wife so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth.

Saturday, March 27, 2004

Another Quote For Today...

"Doesn't that hurt?" - Anna Nicole Smith, on
suicide bombers

Who woulda thunk It

Took the Liberal Test..cuz I thought I was kinda liberal..turns out I'm an Independent. Hmmm..

Go test yourself : O)

Some Financial Definitions

STOCK: A magical piece of paper that is worth $33.75 until the
moment you buy it. It will then be worth $8.50.

BOND: What you had with your spouse until you pawned his/her
golf clubs to invest in Amazon.com.

BROKER: The person you trust to help you make major financial
decisions. Please note the first five letters of this word
spell "Broke".

BEAR: What your trade account and wallet will be when you take
a flyer on that hot stock tip your secretary gave you.

BULL: What your broker uses to explain why your mutual funds
tanked during the last quarter.

MARGIN: Where you scribble the latest quotes when you're
supposed to be listening to your manager's presentation.

SHORT POSITION: A type of trade where, in theory, a person
sells stocks he doesn't actually own. Since this also only
ever works in theory, a short position is what a person usually
ends up being in (i.e. "The rent, sir? Hahaha, well, I'm a
little short this month.").

COMMISSION: The only reliable way to make money on the stock
market, which is why your broker charges you one.

YAK: What you do into a pail when you discover your stocks have
plunged and your broker is making a margin call.


Quote For Today..

"TV commercials now show you how detergents take out
bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've
got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry
isn't your biggest problem."
-Jerry Seinfeld

Stuff I Thought I'd Share..

I noticed several things while riding around Jacksonville today: The first thing is, there are several people in residential neighborhoods around here with roosters and chickens..and sometimes ducks, wandering around in their yards. It's not uncommon to see a couple roosters just strutting around in someone's yard. This ain't farm country! Whats up with that? Jacksonville is a pretty large city, but there they are.. the chickens in the yard. The second thing I noticed is, they will make a church outta just about any kind of building here. There are a half billion churches, mostly Baptist, but also some Catholic, and a few Jehovah's Witness, and whatever other kind you may want, and most are regular church type buildings, but here and there you see these little run down crappy buildings with a little cross out front or a little sign that says it's some kind of church. One I saw tonight was a little rundown white building, that looked more like a shack than anything else. It had a fence around it that someone had made by hand, by nailing boards together and covering them with chicken wire type material, and a there was a little cross out in front and a sign that said Little ..Something or other.. Baptist Church. Sometimes you see places that used to be something like a Dairy Queen or a 7/11, and now they're churches. It's very odd. Then, we passed by this place on Beach Blvd that has a whole big bunch of these concrete statues and fountains on display. The place used to be a fruit and veggie stand that had a few statue type things for sale, but now its strictly statues. So, we drove by it tonight, and I saw they have this huge concrete statue of a gorilla. It's probably over 6 feet high, closer to 7 maybe, and it's just a gorilla made of concrete. I wanted to stop and see how much it was, cuz I thought it would be cool to have a big concrete gorilla statue in my yard, but J wouldn't stop. He's no damn fun! The other thing I discovered, is that it is virtually impossible, when riding in a car, to not sing along when Bohemian Rhapsody comes on the radio..complete with Wayne and Garth impressions usually. I know..I tried to resist, but it's futile. You just have to give in.. ::::Mamaaaaa just killed a maaaaan. Put a gun against his head. Pulled my trigger now he's deaaad:::::


On top of the whole keyboard crisis, he somehow broke his bed. We broke his bed, actually. No! not that way! The box spring is all screwed up because the idiots had it set up all wrong, and the center board in the box spring splintered when he flopped on the bed. Oh my Gawd!! I'm not even gonna go into all the hysteria that followed that. This, of course, happened before I finally got my keyboard situation straightened out, it was then about 10:30, and I still hadn't been able to get back to work, so we had a whole big ordeal with his bed. Again.. because I'm a moron..and it was my fault, somehow. Once the bed was taken apart, he came in to my room to deal with setting my keyboard up. I don't know why he even needed to be in here, I could have done it and been ready and back to work in 5 minutes.. but NOOOOOOO. He ended up unplugging all my stuff (with me pitching a major fit and telling him to leave stuff alone and go away) and rearranging all the cords to the various crap I have plugged in around my work area.. alarm clock, phone, cell phone charger, battery recharger, etc.. and throwing them all onto the bed or in the middle of the room cuz he didn't like the "mess". This, of course, just made it that much longer before I could get to work, and was a total waste of time, not to mention that it pissed me off to no end. Why did he need to touch these things? Why were they of any consequence to the simple task of plugging in the keyboard and mouse? Ummmm...they weren't! Then.. he had to adjust the size of my screen and make the icons on my desk into smaller ones.. why???? cuz he likes them that way. It's better, according to him. Ummm... last time I checked it was my computer, my desktop, my icons..and he didn't even need to be in here, let alone adjusting my stuff. He does stuff like that all the time, every time I ask him to fix something or do something for me, and it totally pisses me off. I'm very possessive about my computer, and don't like anyone playing with it or poking around in it. It's mine damn it!! all mine!! He had me so frustrated, I was ready to hit him with the keyboard and tell him to get the phuque outta my room. So, I restrained myself from physical violence and told him, as calmly as I could, to just go to his room, I would fix up everything else myself..thank you very much. He did finally go and leave me alone, and after I calmed down I finally got to get to work. But, of course, that's not all. I offered on the way home from the store to stop to get some food, cuz I knew I wouldn't have the time or energy to cook anything. No, he said he wasn't hungry. He'd been snacking all day, and he didn't need dinner, he said. So, at 1:30, he strolls in here, while I'm working, and asks me what I'm fixing him for dinner!! Can you believe that shit?? He's off right now buying us some Krystals. If you don't know what Krystals is, it's kinda similar to White Castle burgers. They're little, tiny, 2 x 2 inch, thin squares of beef (cough cough) hamburgers, on little, tiny buns, and they have pickles, onions, ketchup, and mustard on them. I get mine with cheese. They're really not that good, but sometimes I get in the mood for some. The saying with Krystals is that you can always tell how drunk you were the night before by how many empty Krystals boxes are on the back seat of your car. Cuz they're one of the few places open all night, and you gotta be drunk to appreciate a Krystals burger. Plus, the best thing about Krystals in they're real cheap. You can get a sackful of about 12 of them for around 5.00. So, now that I've vented, I feel a bit better, and I guess I'll go back to work now before he gets back with the burgers.

I'm done now!


Just thought I'd do up a little something while J is out and about. My Gawd he irritated the shit out of me today! He was home all day, and he was okay most of the day, pretty much staying in his room watching movies and trying to entice me to come lay down and "watch a movie" with him. Hehe .. I know better than to think I'd actually get to watch the movie. I just wasn't in the mood to deal with it.

So..anyway..tonight, I had a little computer problem, and that's when the fun started. I had stayed up til early this morning working and slept a few hours, then got up and worked a few hours, until I decided to stop so I could clean my house some and take a nap. When I woke up, I sat down at the computer and proceeded to get ready to work, but Junior decided it was time for some kitty love, and before I had time to stop him, he jumped up on to my desk and knocked over the huge glass of lemonade I had sitting there. Splash!! all over my damn keyboard. I tried to wipe it out and dry it off, but I knew it was just not gonna be saveable, and I told J we needed to head to Wally World for me to get a new keyboard. I figured it would be 45 minutes, an hour tops, and I'd be back to work. I'm so dang silly sometimes, I don't where I get these ideas. He's been wanting a wireless keyboard for a while, so when I told him that's what I was getting, he asked if I'd get him one too, but I told him it depended on how much they were. All they had was a keyboard and mouse combination for 30.00, which is about how much I paid for his wireless mouse a couple weeks ago. I told him bite me, I wasn't doing it, he'd have to bring the mouse back and trade it in for the combo pack if he wanted one. Sooo..we shopped a bit, I got tons of groceries and some new clothes, and we came home. After I put the groceries away and packaged the meat, and got everything settled down, it was now about 8:30.. so much for my 1 hour deal. I then came in here, and tried to set up the new stuff, but my puter wouldn't boot. I called J, and he said my monitor card was loose, and he fixed it. Then he decided to try to install my stuff for me.. that's when the fun REALLY started. I finally said phuque it, I don't care, just give me a keyboard so I can get some freakin work done. See, he wanted the new one, so he really didn't want to make it work for me. He says it won't work cuz I have Windows 98, but thats bullshit, and I know it. Right now, he has the wireless set and I have his wireless mouse and old keyboard. Whatever, as long as I have something to work with.

Ya know what's strange?

I'm watching Sanford and Son, and at the beginning of the show they show Fred walking out in front of his junk store and pulling up a chair to sit down. Then Lamont pulls up with a truck full of junk. The thing that just hit me..after a hundred years of watching this show.. is that you never, ever see or hear mention of Fred working in the store, he's always at the house or out and about somewhere. Every so often, Lamont will say something pertaining to having a truck full of junk to unload or something like that, but you never hear anything about Fred running the business. What's up with that? Am I wrong? Did I miss something? Does anyone else think that's strange. I suppose it could be that the show happenings just take place after business hours, and the store aspect is not pertinent to the show storylines, but you'd think that somewhere along the line there would be some sort of acknowledgement of the fact that he actually does own and work in the store they show in the opening. Guess I'll just have to file this in the things that make you go Hmmmm category.

Friday, March 26, 2004

Tuesday was Chooseday

Tuesday is Chooseday

Yeah, I know I'm late. Better late than never.

tuesday is chooseday

    Would you rather:
  1. get an inner ear infection that leaves you feeling off balance for the next 2 years OR get a compound fracture in your arm that leaves your dominant hand useless for the next 6 months?

  2. Either would be awful, cuz I can't work with a messed up arm, and an ear infection is often painful, and would probably hinder my hearing, which would make working difficult too. I guess I'd take the 6 month fracture, cuz it's shorter and I can probably get disability for it.
  3. discover a new species of plant OR write a book?

  4. I think I'd rather write a book. Unless the plant I discovered was a fat free, calorie free, totally good for you substance that looked and tasted like chocolate.
  5. push the button that launches a nuclear missle at another country OR pull the trigger that kills just one suspected terrorist?

  6. I'd have to choose ice the terrorist. Terrorists suck, and I wouldn't wanna be responsible for wiping out a whole country.
  7. your parents tell you that you were conceived doggy style OR reverse cowboy? (thanks shenry)
I'd rather my parents kept that information to themselves thank you very much! but if I had to choose.. being a big fan of the doggy position myself, and not being able to even imagine my parents attempting the cowboy deal..I'd have to say woof woof.

WTF #151

I think all the whiny assholes whining about the words "under God" in the Pledge of Allegience, and trying to get the word God taken off everything, everywhere, because they don't believe there is a God should shut the phuque up and go back to the corner to continue smoking their crack. Get a life people!! One nation under God... In God We Trust.. In or Out? Who gives a shit! Yeah, I do choose to believe in God, but I'm not religious at all. If asked, I couldn't give you any specific religion that I feel affiliated with, as I think organized religions are pretty much a crock of shit, but I choose to believe there is some sort of higher power. It makes me feel better. Do I think you should believe NOPE! I don't give a rat's ass if you worship God, nothing, Satan, or a one-eyed, purple Chimpanzee, that's up to you. I'm just so sick of this politically correct, don't offend anyone bullshit. God forbid. Excuse me.. I guess I shouldn't say that either. It's getting so that we'll have to change it to "He who should not be named".. so as not to piss some asshole off. If you don't believe, then just don't say the words that you don't approve of. Don't believe them, laugh at the stupid fools who do believe in some make believe being.. Hell, some people believe in fairies, ghosts, and unicorns. You don't? Well, shit.. let's stop anything pertaining to them too. Why should you be affronted by pictures of fairies and ghost stories, cuz you don't believe in them. What about your rights, damn it! That's some pretty darn offensive stuff. Okay, I'm done ranting. I just can't help but be irritated by the petty stupidness of some people.

Thursday, March 25, 2004

Out and About

J and I went out tonight..alone for a change. John went to his dad's for the weekend, which means I get to spend the whole weekend as close to naked as I like. wheeeeee. I'm quite happy about that. So J and I decided to run out and do some errands and grab something to eat. We went to Sam's Club and we got a bunch of stuff and only spent about 120.00, which isn't too bad.. except for one thing. We did get a few packages of meat, and some salad stuff, but the rest of what we got was purely junk food. Plus, it's not even stuff I would normally buy if I went to a regular grocery store. I bought a huge tin of Planter's cashews. I loooove cashews, but they're kinda expensive a lot of the time, and really kinda fattening, especially when you love them and will eat them until you burst, so I just don't buy them. But, somehow, if you put them in an industrial sized can, they are so enticing I can't pass them up. Gotta have em. I also bought two boxes of those little packages of donuts, powered and chocolate covered, because they're good for J and John to grab in the morning on the way out the door, or to snack on. I should NEVER buy donuts, because I have no control when it comes to them, but when they are put them in individual packets in large quantities for 3.89 and I can't pass them up. Then I bought corn dogs (blech) for J, and a huge can of cheese balls, and a 16 count box of Drumstick ice cream cones. All of these things were picked out by J, but I agreed to buy them, and if we were in a grocery store and he suggested getting them, I'd be like "I don't THINK so" Yet, while in Sam's they sound like a great idea. It's something about the rows and rows of stuff in big packages and the lower prices that sucks you in. It was all I could do not to buy a carrot cake! The thing was so huge, and costs about 13.00, or I would have got one. I just kept wavering back and forth about how absolutely yummy it would taste, and how it would look strapped to my ass along with the rest of the crap I ate, and the saving of my ass and my cheapness finally won out. With all this crap in my house, it's gonna be hell trying to keep myself from eating it. I just have to forget it's there, and enjoy my salad. Sam's Club is da debil! I also went to the little liquour area of the store and got me a huge ass bottle of Absolut and some Kahlua...now all I need is some half-and-half, and I'll be in White Russian heaven. Yeah, I know, making drinks with half-an-half is not at all fattening, and is very healthy for you..but I only drink one or two that way, and then switch to low fat milk or skim milk when I'm making them at home. I so rarely drink that it will probably last me until next year, unless I have company or bring it to my sister's and have her help me drink it. That's cuz I have no life!

After Sam's, we went to Taco Hell and got some burrito supremes, and then stopped at Blockbuster, where I managed to spend 50.00 buying DVDs and renting a few movies. They had buy 2 get 1 free DVDs, so I bought Pirates of the Caribbean, Freaky Friday, and J picked out some icky horror movie that I'll never watch, but it's the one he wanted. He rented the Cat in the Hat and Cold Creek Manor, and I got School of Rock and Helen of Troy..so we'll be busy watching movies this weekend. He doesn't have school this week, I don't think, so he'll be here annoying the crap outta me all week. I might have him lined up for a landscaping job, which I'll find out about sometime this week, and then he'll be gone if he gets it, but otherwise he'll be here up my ass..until I beat him over the head with a blunt object.

PSA #201

Trying to have sex while watching David Letterman is not advised. Studies have shown that it somewhat ruins the mood when your partner is doin' stuff to your naughty bits, expecting to hear oohs and aahs of pleasure, but instead hears laughter. That can somewhat injure a man's confidence, I'm told. Even though you explain that it's not him, but actually Dave's monologue that has you tittering, he may still be offended by the fact that you are not engrossed in the passion of the moment, but instead listening and being distracted by Dave's sketch about the Medicare system replacing prescription drugs with tic tacs..or Lifesavers or whatever it was. I have for years heard jokes about people making love with Johnny Carson or Dave or Jay in the background, but it really is not conducive to romance or passion, and can cause your partner to have doubts about his lovemaking abilities. My advice is that you turn off Dave, and concentrate on the task at hand. Some soothing music..maybe some love songs.. or Bolero..really, whatever gets you in the mood..is more appropriate, and may serve to enhance your enjoyment of the act, and will keep your partner from threatening to take his toys and go home, since you obviously are more interested in the T.V. than anything he is doing to you at the moment. To further heighten the mood, you may also add some pleasantly scented candles, maybe a feather duster, or a little whipped cream.. but, leave the T.V. off, and for Gawd's sake take off your socks! Thank you, that is all.
J is not happy with me this morning. But he'll get over it. He woke up hungry and went to the fridge, expecting to find a porkchop, but it was gone. I got hungry about 5:30 this morning when I got up, and grabbed the pork chop, cuz it was quick and it was there. He said it was his chop, cuz he didn't eat last night, he wasn't hungry when he got home, and I put the leftovers in the fridge. Now, he claims that since he didn't eat, the chop belonged to him. I had to explain to him the rules of pork chop possession. I maintain that since the chop was never actually placed on a plate, alone or with other side dishes, and presented to him, it wasn't officially his chop. Had it been given to him, and he didn't eat it, but instead placed it in the fridge for consumption later, then it would, in fact, be his actual official chop. Making me a chop thief. But an uneaten chop, taken from the pan and placed in a baggie along with other leftovers, or by itself, is, in fact, a leftover, and not officially belonging to any one individual..and, therefore, open to consumption on a first come first serve basis. He skipped a meal, and lost the rights to claim the chop. Therefore, I did not eat his meat.

Wednesday, March 24, 2004

Damn! I 'm sooooo behind on my blog reading. I went to visit around a bit this morning, and everyone has about 5 or 6 posts, and sometimes more, that I've missed. It's going to take me forever to catch up with everyone, but I'll do it. My visitors have also dropped off by about half since I haven't been posting regularly the last week or two...that kinda sucks. I don't have hardly any regular readers to start with, and now its less. Oh well, that's what I get for neglecting my blogging I guess. I'll have to find something exciting to blog about and get the numbers back up. I have been really boring lately, and not posting much of anything interesting. No pictures or anything even. I do have some pictures I took of the house and the yard a while back, intending to post them, but J borrowed my camera and my USB cord to upload stuff with and he can't find the cord. I'll have to find it and get the pics up here shortly. Right now, I'm very freaking hungry. I'm having a strange craving for chips and salsa... it's 5:00 a.m. Why do I want chips and salsa at 5:00 a.m? It's not really diet food either, so I really shouldn't eat it anyway. I've kinda given up the low carb thing, that just wasn't working for me. I'm kinda watching em still.. but I'm just sorta watching em outta the corner of my eye now. I'm kinda just eating lots of veggies, chicken, salads, fruits..and bad stuff now and then in little amounts so I don't ever feel deprived. I feel like I'm losing, my clothes are looser, so it must be working. So, I'm going to get me something to eat, and I'll try to post a little bit more later.

Monday, March 22, 2004

Weekend Update

I tried to post yesterday for the weekend, but Blogger, apparently, was hungry and ate the post halfway through. It was a pretty long one, too, so I was not at all happy about it, but I just didn't have the time or the energy to retype all of it. I decided to try again when I had more time. I should know better than to try to compose a post on the Blogspot form, but I guess I don't.

Anyway, this has been a heck of a long, busy week. Actually, I've been going nonstop since about the 10th or so, when I took the day off to go shopping. Between spending time with my family and the time I've spent running around everywhere, I haven't accomplished much of anything productive at all. Friday, I had planned to work, but J was whining that I never want to do anything with him, so I ended up being dragged off (kicking and screaming the whole way, of course) to the LaCruise Casino boat for the evening. John and his girlfriend, Amanda, were going, with a couple of her friends, and they wanted us to go too. I protested..really I did..that I had to work and couldn't possibly go off drinking and gambling, but they insisted. I finally figured out that if I worked most of the day, since we wouldn't have to leave until 6:00, I could go on the boat and we should be home by 1:30 or so, and I could finish work then. Silly, silly me! Of course, that's not AT ALL what happened. I figured I could work til 6:00, but they came in at 3:00 and announced we had to leave by around 4:00 to get there, because we would have to eat before we left and they wanted to eat in the restaurant at the dock with John's GF and her friends. So, we left by 4:00, only to find out by the time we got there that they were running late, and wouldn't be there until close to 7:00 after all. We ate by ourselves, and then waited for an hour for them to arrive. I wasn't too happy with that, but there was nothing I could do about it. We had a great time on the boat, sitting on the deck enjoying the night on the ocean, drinking, gambling, and they even have free massages on the top deck of the boat. Some masseuse guy sits there and rubs people all night for free. I didn't have one, cuz I don't want strangers rubbing me, but they did look very relaxing. At the end of the night, Amanda was so tired she was falling asleep at the table. We had kept her up so late the night before, and she had to work all day, so John suggested that he drive her friends home and then drive her home in her truck, and we follow him out to BFE to drop her off and bring him back to town with us. There went my plans to work after the cruise. I could have stayed home, but J didn't want to drive all that way alone, so we ran home to let the dogs out to pee, and then met up with them and were on our way. On the way home, we stopped at Dunkies for donuts and coffee, and I got a sausage, egg, and cheese croissanwich and a hot chocolate.. it was about 4:30 a.m. when we got home. It was a pretty good night, and I only lost about 36.00 total, between me and J. Mostly it was him losing, or I probably would have been a little ahead.

I figured, since Friday was a wash, I'd work all day on Saturday and Sunday, but that didn't happen either. We pretty much spent both days running around here and there. I had been wanting to go to check out how much stuff was selling for at the flea market, because I'm thinking about going and selling stuff a couple weekends a month I just wanted to go to the flea market, and straight back home, but we ended up driving all over the place, and didn't get much of anything accomplished. On Saturday, we dropped John off at his Granny's and then decided we needed some gas. It's about 15 to 20 cents cheaper per gallon at Sam's Club, so we headed over there, and of course decided to walk around, since we were there. We sat at the cafe and ate polish dogs and relaxed. It was kinda nice doing something just the two of us for once. John is always with us whenever we go anywhere usually. Now that he has Amanda, he's gone more, so it gives us more time alone. It's not even so much that I mind him being with us usually, except he never has any money, so whatever we do I have to pay for him too, or we can't do anything. He did actually give me money this week when he got paid, and that's what I went on the boat with. I bought myself some new sneakers and new pillows ...very, very comfy pillows..and got J some jeans at Sam's, then we headed across town to check out one of the flea markets. It was close to 5:00 when we got home, and I ordered up some Chinese food, so I wouldn't have to cook and could work, and sat down to get some work done. The phone rang, my brother Drew called from Ohio. He was bored, and he wanted to let me know that he would be going to Orlando Sunday and would be heading through here today on his way back, in case we wanted to go meet up with him. Needless to say, I got nothing done on Saturday. Sunday was pretty much the same way, we checked out another flea market, on the Westside, drove out toward the beach to try to get J's cell phone straightened out, and spent some time in Wally World. I did manage to work a little bit on Sunday, but not nearly as much as I needed to.

So that was the weekend in a nutshell. Now, it's back to the regular schedule. Today, I'm working all day, and Jen came for her training, so with any luck I can settle back in and go back to getting work done, and will be able to post more regularly again, and catch up on all my blog reading.. cuz this running around stuff is very, very tiring. I think I need a nap.

Friday, March 19, 2004

I have been having a seriously hard time getting any work done this week. Between the family being here, and running around visiting with them, and the fact that I have, for some reason, been unbelievably sleepy this week, I'm getting nowhere. Tonight, I had every intention of sitting here, buckling down, and getting some work done, but we ran out of toilet paper earlier today, and I had no choice but to go get some. For normal people, that would not be a big deal, and I could have run out to the store and come back and just gone about my work, but not for me. On the way out of the store, J decided he was hungry, so we decided to head to Denny's to grab something to eat. I didn't feel like cooking. I had been thinking more along the lines of Taco Bell to go and take it home to eat, but then I figured what the heck. What could it hurt to take an hour off to go sit and eat some real food and relax a bit. That ain't how it went. John was on the phone with his new girlfriend, Amanda, who he met online and hooked up with sometime last week. She's 21 or 22, he's 19, and she works for corrections here in Jacksonville. He mentioned to her that we were going out to Denny's and in the course of the conversation, somehow it ended up with J deciding to pick her up and bring her out with us. That wouldn't be a problem, except she lives out in BFE..about 30 minutes out of our way. Off we went to pick her up, and got out there about 11:30 p.m. She didn't believe us when we said we were coming, but she found out soon enough they weren't lying. She lives in a part of town that is mostly farm country. Way out in the middle of nowhere. There aren't even street lights out there. We almost hit a possum. J decided to be funny and turn out the lights in the car and drive in the pitch dark. He came pretty darn close to running over someone's mailbox and into a ditch. That's when he turned the lights back on. The whole night was like flashbacks of when I was about 20 or so, when me and my friends would jump in my friend Wes's car and head off for parts unknown. We'd just drive out to the middle of nowhere and just drive and drive until we got tired of riding around. "Midnight adventures" that's what we called them. We'd usually stop at Dunkies and get some donuts and drinks and stuff, or a convenience store. We ended up in Vermont one night, and Boston another. Wes used to like to find dark, unlighted roads and turn off the lights too. That's some scary shit to be riding in places where it's so black you can't see the road in front of you, with no lights on in the car, and usually through some dark woods or something, where there's nothing but trees everywhere. Woods full of bears and serial killers. Fun, fun, fun! Sometimes, when we weren't riding through the woods in the dark, we would find someone driving around and follow them, just to freak them out. Once in a while, we'd get lucky, and the occupants of the other car would figure out we were following them, and start following us. It was usually some other people our age stupid enough to be out joyriding at 2:00 a.m. too. We'd play car tag, chasing each other all over town. We were lucky we never met up with some hot head with a gun who got pissed or scared and shot at us...or called the cops on us. We didn't do it to single women driving alone, or anyone with kids or anything, usually just guys, and especially guys who looked about our age. Yeah, we weren't too bright, but we had a damn good time. That was a long, long time ago. Anyway..we had a pretty good time tonight overall. Amanda seems like a nice girl, though she's a bit redneck. Then again, so is John. The two of them were flirting back and forth, and talking about sex and stuff...there were definitely a couple of TMI moments. I really didn't need to know about my nephew's sex life, but what can ya do. It was close to 2:00 a.m. by the time we got home, and now that I'm home and wasted all that time, I have to be up til the butt crack of dawn trying to get my work done. It's my own fault, I guess. You wanna play, you gotta pay.

Wednesday, March 17, 2004

Happy St. Patty's Day..the Spendin' O' The Green

I got up early this morning and got in the shower, and waited for my sister to call me to say she was on her way. We did decide to go to the new Walmart. My sis-in-law has never been in a Super Wally World, because they don't have them in Massachusetts. At least not in the part of Mass we are from. She was all excited! The 7 of us piled in two cars and drove over there, and the place was so packed we had to park on the other side of the world. They had these little trolley car things coming around picking people up to drive them to the door. Now, that was pretty nice of em, I thought. They were handing out free cake and free little cups of ice cream at the door, and they had these costumed figures of Tony the Tiger and Ernie the keebler Elf guy roaming around the store. My nieces decided to follow the characters around the store and mess with them. They're such sweet children. They're 14 and 16..it's their job to be pains in the ass. Sue found herself a cart load of stuff to buy, and has decided to go home and start a letter writing campaign to bring Super Wally World to Mass. She said they probably won't do it though, the supermarkets in town raised a stink, that's why there isn't one there, so she didn't think they'd be putting one in. She could always move here, I pointed out, but she says its too hot here to live here permanently. She'll just have to live with her dinky regular Wally World, I guess. I found plenty to buy, too, unfortunately. I got 3 new shirts, a pair of pants, a couple CDs, a pair of cheap slip-on shoes, so I can slip them on my feet when I have to go outside in the yard, and stop ruining all my socks, some water, a wallet type thing.. nothing exciting. I almost bought an exercise bike, but they only had the kind that has the big fan-like front wheel. Those are way too noisy. I just want a regular wheeled kind. I think I may make him tote me to the flea market this weekend, and see if anyone has one there before I shell out full price for a new one. We then went to the McDonalds in the store, and I had a cheeseburger and a small chocolate shake. I haven't eaten at McDonalds for a pretty long time, and I usually love their cheeseburgers, but it was mighty salty. I don't know if they are always that salty, or if my taste buds are changed and I it was just me. The shake was good, but my stomach hurt when I was done. It's been a little off kilter since I stopped following the diet. I need to go back to eating the way I was eating, I felt good then. Now I feel like ca-ca. Tomorrow I go back to the healthy stuff! I was going to wait until Monday, cuz I figured I'd wait and start fresh at the beginning of the week, but my stomach is not loviong me, so I guess tomorrow is as good a day as any. My sister made a really, really yummy roast for dinner tonight, with broccoli and some corn, that didn't bother me at all. It wasn't the corned beef and cabbage she usually makes for St. Patty's Day, but it was still very good.

J got out of work early, and he called me when we were getting ready to leave the store, and he met me at my sis's. Anyway, I'm home now, and getting ready to buckle down and get some work done. They put a bonus out for today and tomorrow, so I'll be working hard. I had kinda wanted to go out tonight and have a couple drinks for St. Patty's Day, but nobody felt like going out, so I guess I'll sit here and work instead. Tomorrow I won't be hung over, and I'll have earned lots of cash. I think I'm officially old!

I'm Spittin' Fire!!

I got a call from one of my best friends tonight, and she was crying. She had it out with her husband/ex-husband tonight, and he said something really hurtful to her, and I'm so freakin pissed about it, if I see him, it just may be all I can do not to punch him square in the face. This man has put her through so much crap in the 9 years I've known them, he's hurt her repeatedly, and she keeps giving him chance after chance. In December, he started going out to her house a lot, being real nice, romancing her, and convinced her that he was sorry for everything and he wanted to try to get back together. I told her she was crazy, and reminded her, gently, of the things he's done, but I told her I know she won't have any peace with herself unless she gives it one last try to find out for sure if it's completely hopeless or not. Who am I to say don't give him a chance, as many chances as I've given J. I don't even pretend to be in love with him, and I still take him back, so all I can do is be supportive. So, she took his sorry ass back. He's been living there in her house, on her 22 acres of land, with her horses and all the things she's worked her ass off to get. He gets to spend time with their son and her, enjoying life, and not paying anything beyond his child support, etc. So, basically, living free while she busts her ass trying to support not only her child and her usual burdens, but now him on top of it. He has bills to pay..so he can't afford to pay more. This man makes some pretty good money, he's not working at K-Mart or anything. Well, anyway, they were having a few problems, and he's started disappearing for long periods of time and they haven't had sex since he's been there. She knows he has a pretty good sex drive, so she was suspicious, and she confronted him about it. I don't know how the whole conversation went, but during the course of it, he had the big brass balls to tell her that he can't bring himself to have sex with her because her body repulses him. He's tried, but he cant' do it. Now, this woman is not skinny..and she may have gained a few pounds over the last couple years, but she's not some big fat cow or anything. It's not like she's obese by any means. He just likes these little skinny, skanky looking things, and that's not her. That's fine..everyone has their preferences, but the thing that burns my ass is, it isn't like she has changed in the few months since they got back together. She's never been skinny since I've known her, so it isn't like she's changed. He knew what she looked like, and he convinced her that he wanted to be with her. He wanted a free ride. The thing that really pissed me off was the fact that he told her no man would want her because she's disgusting. I went OFF!!! when she told me that. It took all I had not to call him and tell him what a low life scum piece of shit he is. He really crushed her. Who wouldn't be devastated when the man you spent 13 years of your life with, who has done everything he's done to her, and she trusted him yet again, says something like that to you. I, of course, told her it wasn't true and did my best to reassure her that he was just a fuck-head piece of shit, who, by the way, is no Mr. America himself, and those are his hangups and his feelings, and there are plenty of guys who like a woman to have a little meat... and that she's not fat, he's just a prick. I've been to bars with her, and I've seen plenty of guys flirt with her and hit on her, and I reminded her of that, too. I told her if she didn't believe me, she's been to bars with me and seen all the guys who hit on me. She's not near as heavy as I am, and there are guys who still hit on me..so, certainly, she's not such a disgusting hog that no man would be interested. I just can't believe that he would say that to her, and put her through this shit, yet again. I don't know what she's going to do, if she'll make him leave or let him stay there, but I told her to put his shit on the porch and change the locks when he goes to work tomorrow. That's what I would do! J may be an asshole sometimes, and we have our problems, but he has never, ever said one thing about my body being undesireable, and even if he stopped desiring me, he would never be that cruel. I just hope she throws his ass out and goes about finding herself a man... or two ..just so he can see how very wrong he is, and how many men there are out there who know the value of a good woman with a good heart..regardless of the size of her ass.

Another Day Bites The Dust

Today, I took the day off. I had a list of things I wanted to accomplish. I thought I might run to my sister's to spend some more time with my one remaining brother who is still here. He'll be here until Friday. I was going to read a bit, and watch a movie, and catch up in a major way on my blog reading and writing. I haven't hardly visited anyone since Wednesday, and you see how much time I've had to post. But..what did I end up doing today instead, you ask? I slept All. Freakin. Day. Long. I think I had a grand total of 5 conscious hours..maybe 6. I guess I was a little tiny bit tired. This was the first day in two weeks I've taken completely off, and this last week, from Wednesday on until yesterday, were just so busy and hectic, I guess I wore myself out. Danny came and brought me my new stove yesterday, so I actually got to cook a meal today. That was exciting. That was about the only thing I did all day actually. Tomorrow, I'll be going to my sister's most likely. It's St. Patty's Day, and she'll probably do some corned beef and cabbage..yuuuuuum..and she said something about going to christen the brand new Super Wally World that opens tomorrow up the street from her house. She said that Sue, my sis-in-law, said something about maybe going to the beach one day this week, but if they don't go there, we'll probably go shopping. It's kinda nice to not have training this week, I get to sleep in the morning. Rather, i would get to sleep in the morning if Brenda didn't get up at 5:30 every morning and feel it was her duty to be sure I was up with her. She likes to talk to me while she drinks her coffee in the morning, so she calls and wakes me up. Her morning wouldn't be complete without my daily obscenities I spew when she wakes me up. Diane said she may go to the movies tomorrow too, but I don't think I'll go with her there. She wants to see The Passions of Christ...but I don't think I wanna see that one. I'll wait for the video. Somehow I think the violence and stuff may be easier to take, and less intense, on the T.V. screen. She said the kids want to go see it with her, but I don't think I'd bring them, if I were her. I'm not her, though, so I guess she'll have to decide on her own to bring them or not.

Tuesday, March 16, 2004

Finally.. a new post!

Finally, it's calmed down around here enough for me to sit and actually post. Every day since Wednesday, I've just been running around, busy as a one-armed paper hanger, between trying to work and get ready for the party with my family..and lots and lots of shopping. I spent one heck of a lot of money over the weekend, I can tell ya that. I love my new swing, I think it may be one of the best things I've ever bought. I got my new freezer today, and I'm waiting on Danny to come bring me a new stove. It'll be really strange to be able to cook stuff in the oven again. I went to Sam's Club over the weekend, and I brought home a ton of stuff. Most of it was junk food. Though I did get a big bag of salad, some grape tomatos, fruit, some stewed tomatos, boneless, skinless chicken breast, and a huge can of tuna..so it wasn't completely bad. The diet kinda went out the window on Wednesday, when I went to the Roadhouse for lunch, and then to El Potro..there's nothing low carb about El Potro. Then, this weekend, I had birthday cake, and tons of Hershey's kisses.. and some Cokes. It's okay, I've probably gained back some weight, but I'm planning to jump back on the wagon tomorrow and start again. Spending time with my family was absolutely awesome. We hung out and kareoked, and talked, and ate a lot. We went to the flea market too. I tried to get Rick to take Belle with him back to Deltona, but he wasn't buying it. One of my nieces is 15 and has decided to be wiccan, so the three of them were sitting in the middle of the street in a circle lighting candles at midnight...I don't know what they were trying to accomplish, but I hope they've decided to use their powers for good instead of evil.

Every one of my brother's have gained a lot of weight since the last time I saw them, but so haven't I probably. We're a very round family now, except for my sister..she's still 5'6 and 130 pounds..da bitch. I was kinda pissed off to learn that Rick started smoking again. I'm usually a pretty optimistic sort, but when your dad has emphysema and can hardly breathe, and has to walk around with an oxygen tank on, and half his family died of some form of cancer, you tend to worry about things. So far, we're all pretty healthy, with no major health concerns beyond obesity, but ya just never know. I don't want to get that phone call from one of my brothers or my sister one day, telling me they just found out they have cancer or emphysema.. or anything at all. I don't know what I'd do if one of them died or got really sick. I know it's inevitable eventually, but I just don't think they need to help it along. I'd like them to be around for a really long time, if at all possible. I worry about death and people I know getting sick or dying a lot. It's pretty strange, really, cuz I'm a pretty upbeat, optimistic, happy sort in most instances, but statistically you have to know that one out of every so many people gets a disease and will die from it...and we'll all die of something some day.. I don't think we should tempt fate.

Saturday, March 13, 2004

Busy, Busy, Busy

It's really hectic around here this weekend, with everyone getting here yesterday and trying to work, and we've just been doing a lot of running around in general. Right now, I figured I'd jump in here and just post a little something, while J is busy outside. I don't have time to go into details of last night, but I'll just say it was so nice to see all my family again. There was some major kareoke and a rousing game of Trivial Pursuit..and much alcohol consumption. Tonight is the big official birthday bash, and it should be lots of fun. Right at this moment, J and John are putting together a porch swing I bought today. It's one of those glider types, long, kinda sofa-like, with a canopy top. I'm gonna be able to sit out there and enjoy my deck in comfort from now on. I'm supposed to be in the shower but, as you can see, I'm not yet, and I'm sure he'll be in here in a minute whining that I'm not ready yet. We're heading to the flea market to meet my brother Brian, and then heading to Diane's for the night for the big birthday party. Of course, if I hadn't been running my mouth all day I would be ready by now. Everyone knows I have my cell phone back on now, so it keeps ringing, and then my baby brother Drew stopped to visit me for an hour or so.. now I'm running waaay behind schedule. So, I suppose I should stop rambling and get something accomplished before he comes in here and the shit hits the fan. Hopefully, my schedule will be a little more back to normal by Monday, and I'll have time to post more regularly again. Be back later!

Friday, March 12, 2004

Time Flies When Yer Havin Fun...

Wow, can't believe I haven't written a post in two days. It's been pretty hectic around here, and it won't be any better for the next two or three days. I'll be working all day today and tomorrow, so that I can go to Di's at night to party with my family. I saw Drew on Wednesday, cuz we stopped at mom's on the way to Walmart to tell her happy birthday, and everyone else will be here tonight.

I got my pay on Wednesday, and it was a pretty big one, so I promptly went out and hit the mall with Jen to spend it. I spent about 600.00 in under three hours..that was some fun! I got some new DVDs - The Bachelor, Mona Lisa Smile, Duplex, Under the Tuscan Sun, Notting Hill, Picture Perfect, and the Hot Chick and Nothing But Trouble. So I'll be busy watching movies for a few days. I got some new girlie type undergarments..I know, you really needed to know that. I got some new clothes, and new shoes, and a freezer, and a new CD burner for my puter, and a new cell phone, and a whole bunch of miscellaneous little odds and ends I needed for around the house and stuff, like a new set of pots and a couple new frying pans. Then we went to the Roadhouse for lunch..mmmm that was good. I was a little disappointed because I had my heart set on prime rib, but they don't serve it til after 3:00 pffffffffft, but it was still good. I had some baby back ribs and chicken. When J came home Wednesday night, we went out to this little Mexican restaurant we like, El Potro, so I wouldn't have to cook. They have some really yummy Mexican food there. Me and J had a big blowout on Tuesday night, mostly cuz I was in a bad mood, and I kinda purposely got him pissed off, just because I was irritated with him. Yeah, I know, I'm not proud, but what can I say. I felt bad..kinda..but he'll get over it. After El Potro, we went to Walmart, so I could spend some more money. I came ::this close:: to buying me an IPOD at Best Buy, but I decided to wait and hold off on that for a little bit. What I really want to buy is a new laptop, so I'm thinking I may save the rest of my money and get me one with my next check. My taxes should be in shortly, and with what I have left from this check after I finish paying some bills, what's left of my taxes after I pay what I need to pay out of that, and what's left from my next check after I pay my rent and stuff, I should be able to get a pretty nice one. My next big purchase, I think, is gonna be a pool. Now that I have my own place, I can finally get one if I want, and I really, really miss having a pool in the yard to swim in. I just wish I could afford an inground pool, but I know that ain't gonna happen anytime soon.

Today, I have to work this morning, since I won't be home to work until late tonight, I'm dead tired. I don't even have the energy to get in the shower, and now J wants me to run to the store to get some yard tools so he can rake and clean the yard. I guess I should be happy he wants to do it, but I'm so dang tired I really and truly don't want to go anywhere. I do have to get the yard cleaned up though, cuz Danny's coming today to bring me a new stove, and I hate for him to see the yard trashed. He's really picky about stuff, and he always kept the yard looking nice. I guess I'll have to bite the bullet and go to the store. Then I think I'm gonna come home and take a nap.

Wednesday, March 10, 2004

Top Ten Signs You Should Get A Divorce

10. For Valentine's Day he gives you a box of Pop Tarts and
says, "If you need me, I'll be at Hooters."

9. The only thing you have in common is your hatred for one

8. You ask the guy at Hallmark where the "Controlling Bitch"
section is.

7. You keep finding receipts for the guys she's hired to kill

6. You still haven't forgiven him for nailing that fat intern
when he was a resident.

5. She brings a date to couples counselling.

4. You just married Liza Minnelli.

3. He won't shut up about how great his secretary is in bed.

2. You sleep in separate beds in separate bedrooms in separate
houses in separate states.

1. Her pet nickname for you -- "Numb-nuts."

Tuesday, March 09, 2004

It's Official...

This week has officially been declared a waste of time. We've thrown in the towel, and decided there will be no training going on, and probably not a whole lot of working for me either. Yeah, I'll be whining on pay day, thinking about all the money I could have earned if I'd stayed home and did nothing, but it will be worth it. There was no training yesterday, because of Jen's son, there was no training today, because there was no work to be done this morning, there will be no training tomorrow, because we've decided to blow it off and spend the day shopping and go out to lunch, and Thursday will be spent taking pictures and writing up ads for Ebay stuff we both want to sell. Friday, we don't train anyway, and I'll have to work some during the day, but Friday night I won't be working too much, because I'll be at my sis's seeing all my brothers and stuff, and Saturday is Bri's birthday party.. there goes the week! It started with such good intentions, too. Call me crazy, but I'd much rather spend the day shopping than working. I did kinda want to go alone, but I guess it will be fun to go with Jen. I may not get to go everywhere I'd like to go, or buy everything I'd like to buy, but I'll get most of it done, and I can go back sometime this weekend or early next week, if I have to.

Belle got out of the yard again last night. Don't ask me how the hell she managed it, because the chain was locked together in two places, but she somehow got the two halves of the chain unhooked from each other and over the fence she went, dragging her chain behind her. I chased her for about two hours up and down the street, trying to find her, and couldn't find her anywhere. I wouldn't have chased her that long, except she had the leash on and I was afraid she would get it caught under something or wrapped around something, and would be trapped. I finally gave up when it started to get dark and decided that she'd have to be on her own if she was caught somewhere, it would serve her stupid ass right. I was mostly worried that someone would try to free her and she'd bite them or something. I heard her barking outside of the house shortly after I gave up, and she was out on the street with no chain attached. She lost her dang chain! That pretty much pissed me off. Then, she still wouldn't come in, so I came back in and went about my business until J got home, and she came inside with him. I'm gonna look into buying one of those invisible electronic fence kits, and see if that'll keep her butt in the yard. That's the last step. If that doesn't work, her next stop is the pound. I've had it with her.

Bumper Stickers for Women

* Not Drunk. Just Blonde.

* I haven't found Mr Right, but I have found Mr. Cheap, Mr.
Sleazy and Mr. Wrong

* It ain't the size, it's... no, it's the size.

* Don't stare at me, buy me a drink.

* Veni, Vedi, VISA: I Came, I Saw, I did a little shopping.

* Next mood swing: 6 minutes

* So many men... so few who can afford me.

* Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.

* Don't worry. It'll only seem kinky the first time.

* If we are what we eat... I'm fast cheap and easy.

* I'm sorry honey, I just don't have the energy to fake it

* I'm really easy to get along with, once you learn to worship me.

** Ponder This! **

** Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use
the bubbles are always white?

** Is there ever a day when mattresses are NOT on sale?

** Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with
the hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

** Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with
their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it,
then put it down to give their vacuum one more chance?

** Why is it that no plastic garbage bag will open from the
end you first try?

** How do those dead bugs get into closed light fixtures?

** Considering all the lint you get in your dryer, if you kept
drying your clothes would they eventually just disappear?

** When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle
with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we
say 'Its all right'? It isn't all right, so why don't we say,
'That hurt, you moron'?

** Is it true that the only difference between a yard sale and
a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed?

** In winter, why do we try to keep the house as warm as it
was in summer when we complained about the heat?

** Why are the needy only thought of during the holidays?
Aren't they just as needy throughout the rest of the year?

** How come we never hear any father-in-law jokes?

** Do Chinese people get hungry an hour after they eat American

** Shouldn't all married men forget their mistakes? After all
there's no sense in two people remembering the same things.

** Is the real reason women live longer than men because they
don't have to live with women?

Quote For The Day

"If I could read a book, I'd definitely read one of
yours." - Paris Hilton to romance novelist Jackie Collins.
Well, I didn't make 1500 last night, I got about 1100 and crashed. I finally gave up and realized it just wasn't gonna happen. Sometimes, ya just gotta know when to throw in the towel. I'll get them in tonight, but tonight isn't a bonus night pffffft. There was no training again today, Jen had something come up with her son. We can't manage to get a full week in. Wednesday we may not do it either, because I get paid, it will be that big whopping check I'm expecting, and if nothing happened to screw it up, and it's as big as I'm expecting it to be, I think I'm gonna blow off training and go shopping. I have a bunch of stuff I need to get, and I could wait until J gets out of work and go with him, but I never get to go shopping alone, and I want to. I really would much rather shop alone in most cases. I'm a browser, and can spend a long time just wandering from store to store and checking out everything. I like to touch stuff and explore stuff. I have a bad habit that drives J crazy of putting a whole bunch of stuff in my basket that I would like to buy, and then before I hit the checkout, I second guess myself and put half of the stuff back. He's always standing there, unless he has money and he's looking for something to buy too, bitching and whining about I need to hurry up and "let's go". When I go alone, I can try stuff on, and stand for an hour in the book aisle, and try on jewelry, and play with the Nintendo games, and listen to music in the electronics department, and play with the toys in the toy department. I can wander around Michael's Crafts stores or book stores for two hours, easy. If you go shopping with a friend, you don't get to see all the stuff you want to look at sometimes. One or the other of you ends up following the other one around the store, looking at what they want to look at. If you need to buy something embarrassing..like hemorrhoid cream or something..you really don't want to do that when you're shopping with a friend.

I think maybe I'm weird in the shopping alone thing. I think maybe I'm weird in a lot of respects, actually, but I would so much rather do a lot of things alone than with a guy or a friend. I love to go to movies alone, shopping, exploring and sight seeing, sex.. most things, really. Well, I'd rather do sex with a partner, if I could find one who was any good at it. After so many clueless people, I just find it's better to just handle some things yourself. Well, I shouldn't say so many That makes it sound like there's been a whole long line traipsing in and out of my bed, but the ones who have been there, let's just say, were mostly lacking. The only thing I would almost always rather have someone with me to do is go out to eat. Eating is a social thing, and it's more enjoyable to have someone to chat with and stuff while you eat. But I would go by myself and sit and read a book, and I'm fine with that. People think I'm defective when I tell them I like to go to movies alone. I like to go with other people, too, because it's good to have someone to share a movie with and stuff, but if you go alone it's just so much easier. You get to see exactly what you want, go to the show at the time you want to see it, noone is going to make you late and miss the previews, you can sit where you like in the theater. You don't have to share your popcorn either. The only thing I would never do alone, is go to a bar. I know some women don't have a problem with going to a bar by themselves if they're bored and want to go out, but I'm not one of them. I feel really self conscious alone in a bar, even if I'm meeting someone and get there before them. I think it's because if I see a woman alone in a bar, just sitting there getting drunk, I think one of two things.. 1) she's a drunk 2) she's a tramp looking to get picked up. I don't have too many prejudices about things, but this is one of them. I'm not talking about going to a bar where you know a lot of the people who hang out there regularly, and you're going in alone, but to hang out with them. I'm talking about women who go in to a bar where they know almost nobody, and just get drunk for the sake of getting drunk. Am I wrong in this??

Alrighty, then! I've rambled enough for one post, I'm going to bed.

Sunday, March 07, 2004

1500 Lines or Bust...

I'm having a rough day today. I've been trying to work all day, it's Sunday. It's a bonus day. If I get in my 1500 lines for today, I'll earn 130.00 in bonus money on top of my regular pay..pretty sweet, right. I can't do it. I'm trying and trying, but for some reason, my fingers don't want to cooperate. I'm typing really, really slow, and I can't get anywhere. How am I supposed to get my bonuses, if I can't make my fingers work. I tried walking away for a bit and doing other things, like cleaning the house and doing laundry, etc. I took a nap, and that helped a bit, but I'm still not up to snuff. I just got back from the Dunkin' Donuts fiasco, I got me a Diet Coke with Lime (first Coke-type product I've had in about three weeks), hoping a little caffeine shot will help, and I'm about to get in there and see if there's any improvement. If there isn't, I'm calling it quits for the rest of the night, and taking it easy. I'll go to bed, and try again bright and early tomorrow. Either that, or maybe I'll just stay up til 2:00 or 3:00, like I usually do, and blog, and just keep blogging. We'll see how much crap I can pump out in a few hours time. Here goes! I'm going back in..wish me luck!

What Really Sucks #2002

Ya know what really sucks? Dunkin' Donuts drive through..that really sucks. Not so much the fact that it exists, because I'm sure you coffee drinkers and people who like to drive through in the morning on your way to work and grab a coffee and a donut or a bagel or whatever, I'm sure you all love it. I'm sure it's totally convenient. I have driven through it a time or two to grab a quick coolata or a Coke..or a sausage, egg, and cheese croissanwich..yeah, it was very nice to not have to get out of the car and go inside in those instances. But when it's your only option, you have no choice to go through the drive through, and you're wanting a dozen donuts and not just a quick cup of coffee, and you have no idea exactly what kind you want, or what kind they have, and the doors are locked so you can't go in...that sucks. J decided he wanted donuts while we were out tonight. He does this about twice a year out of thin air, he goes to get them, eats the entire dozen pretty much by himself, and then he doesn't want them anymore until the next craving hits. Today was the day. So, we go to Dunkies, get out of the car and try to go in. It's 9:00, the door is locked. ARRRRGH We get back in the car and drive around through the drive in, and try to get the donuts, but, unfortunately, he doesn't know what kind he wants. He can't decide. He can't remember what kind they have.. so I make suggestions.. chocolate covered, boston cream, chocolate glazed, glazed, plain, jelly, chocolate or vanilla cream.. no, no, no.. he can't decide. He wants to be able to see them and decide. I can't say I blame him, really. When it comes to donuts, it is so much better to be able to see them, and smell them, and pick your choices from the racks and racks of them..2 of this one, 3 of that one, 3 of that one..and could ya throw in a couple eclairs, too. You need to see them, and smell them, and drool a little first. Ordering them sight unseen through a window somehow lessens the experience. Yeah, okay, I'm a little strange. Anyway, he just can't decide. Now, he's frustrated. Now, I'm frustrated.. and irritated. So, he says screw this, forget it, and drives away. Bitching, of course. In a way, it's a good thing that he didn't get any, because donuts are one of the things I have a really, really, really hard time not eating. I may have ended up eating one..or two. I highly doubt donuts are gonna do a whole lot for my diet efforts. On the other hand, I didn't have any feelings that I wanted one. I think I could have said no with no problem. Next time, we'll see.


I started about five different posts today, and got about half way through them and lost interest, so I put them away and will finish them later. It's not that they weren't fascinating, completely earth shattering posts, that I'm sure you all will just absolutely love, it's just that I had the attention span of a gnat for the past few days, and can't sit still long enough to read, work, blog, or just about anything. I've spent a lot of time outside playing with the dogs, enjoying the beautiful, warm, sunny weather, and watching the world go by from my deck, or taking walks. I've been forcing myself to work as much as possible, because I want my next check to be just as good as this one I'll get this week, but it sure hasn't been easy to concentrate. Ya know how it is when you have a million things going through your brain, and you start doing something but you start thinking of something else and get completely side tracked, and you have to force yourself to do what you're supposed to be doing and get some work done. It's so hard sometimes, especially when it's so nice out, and I wish I could shut my brain off and make myself concentrate on doing the stuff I should be doing. I'm going to go try once again to get something accomplished, and try not to think about the gazillion things flitting through my brain until I'm done.

Saturday, March 06, 2004

I am the Master of the Universe!
Magister Mundi sum!
"I am the Master of the Universe!"
You are full of yourself, but you're so cool you
probably deserve to be. Rock on.

Which Weird Latin Phrase Are You?
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Friday, March 05, 2004

Slippery When Wet

Your Sign Is: Slippery When Wet

You're hot and sensual, and not exactly shy about it

You show off your assets constantly, and take whatever comes from it

"Work it" is a concept you've perfected, and you're the sexiest person everyone knows

You're shameless in how far you are willing to flirt... often with messy consequences

What's Your Street Sign?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

More Quotes

"As you know, President Bush wants to amend the constitution
of the United States to ban gay marriage. Bush feels that
marriage is something that's just for straight people, like
square dancing."
-Jay Leno

"Is it me or is President Bush's life starting to sound like
a country song; he's from Texas. His dog just died, he's from
Texas and it looks like he might lose his job. Next thing, his
truck is going to break down."
-Jay Leno

"In Washington, D.C. a warning was issued that the tap water
isn't safe to drink. President Bush also accused the water of
being gay."
-Conan O'Brien

"Today Ralph Nader said that he was in favor of gay sex - as
long as it involves a condom and an airbag."
-Craig Kilborn


* "I resent your insinuendoes."

* "No man is an Ireland."

* "If we don't make some changes, the status quo will remain
the same."

* "We're going to have the best-educated American people in
the world."

* "If Lincoln were alive today, he'd roll over in his grave."

* "We do not have censorship. What we have is a limitation
on what newspapers can report."

* "Outside of the killings in Washington DC, we have one of
the lowest crime rates in the nation."-- Marion Berry

* "Let's jump off that bridge when we come to it."

* "To be demeanored like that is an exercise in fertility."

* "I deny the allegations, and I defy the allegators."

* "If somebody's gonna stab me in the back, I want to be

* "When you're talking to me, keep your mouth shut."

* "Let's do this in one foul swoop."

* "I want to thank each and every one of you for having
extinguished yourselves in this session."

* "We'll run it up the flagpole and see who salutes that

* "The average age of a 7-year-old in this state is 13."

* "We have a permanent plan for the time being."

* "Family planning has many misconceptions."

* "The people in my district do not want this highway bypass,
no matter if it goes through or around the city."

* "My knowledge is no match for his ignorance."

* "As long as I am in the Senate, there will not be a nuclear
suppository in our state."

* "These numbers are not my own; they are from someone who
knows what he's talking about."

* "People planning on getting into serious accidents should
have their seat belts on."


Quotes For Today

"Tonight on the news I saw two gay men getting married. That's
really incredible to me when I think about it - finding two
men who want to get married. At most weddings you don't even
have one guy."
-Jay Leno

"McDonald's has lowered the calories in their fries from 610
calories to 540 calories. They're worried about promoting
obesity. So they lowered from 610 to 540 calories. That's like
decreasing the power in the electric chair by 10 volts."
-David Letterman

"'Harry Potter' author J.K. Rowling says she might not stop
at 7 books and might make an 8th book about Harry as an adult.
When asked why she said, 'There's still money in the world that
I don't have yet'."
-Conan O'Brien

Ya know what's strange.. but really kinda nice at the same time? Well, I don't know that it's strange, exactly, but more kind of unexpected. I was watching Ellen..yeah, again!...and she has this habit, as lots of talk shows do now, since Oprah started the trend a few years back, of giving gifts to certain guests, and free stuff to the audience. She's always giving people stuff... Well, not me, which I think is just WRONG..I'm a good person, and deserving of gifts I think...but, she gives them to her guests. So, she gives people these gifts, that was the point, right, and when she gives gifts to her guests, even though they are famous, and rich, and could buy anything on the planet for themselves, they are always so touched and excited by the gift. The thing I think is really sweet about that, is these people could get the thing themselves, but they are just as excited as if it was something they had wanted but couldn't ever afford themselves. People are people, that's the point. See, there is a point to this, I knew I'd get around to it eventually. No matter who you are, rich or poor, famous or not, you can still find joy in the little things, and be touched by a kind gesture.

Salad with a side of thumb...

Ohio Salad Arrives With Piece of a Thumb

Stark County Health Commissioner Bill Franks (search) said an employee at Red Robin Gourmet Burgers (search) in the Canton suburb Jackson Township was chopping lettuce at about 7 p.m. Monday when he cut off a part of his left thumb, including part of the fingernail.

Employees at the restaurant about 70 miles south of Cleveland searched for the tip of his finger, but could not find it. The area was cleaned and sanitized, but the lettuce was placed in the cooler. The lettuce was then used for salads the next day.

That's so disgusting! If that ever happened to me, I think any time I bit into anything tough or strange, like gristle or fat or anything, or maybe even just regular meat, I would be reminded of having someone's cut off thumb in my mouth :::shudder shudder SHUDDER:: I'm not one for frivolous litigation, and usually would think bad of someone who sued over every little thing, but I'm pretty sure I'd be suing over this one! I could totally see emotional damages and suffering with something like that. Not only is that unbelievably disgusting to think that you could be eating your salad and bite down into someone's severed thumb, but she has to be go through HIV and hepatitis testing etc. She could possibly, though not likely, catch a deadly disease from that. Not to mention, however many more salads they served to other customers using the same lettuce batch the thumb had been in. How can you sever an appendage, not be albe to find it, and not continue to look for it until you find it somehow. It didn't disappear, they had to know it went somewhere. The lettuce should have been dumped, of course, but where did they think that thumb went? This is about the fifth thing that has totally grossed me out today.

When Is It Cheating?

What constitutes cheating in a relationship? I had a conversation with an online friend that I seldom get to talk to anymore yesterday. I asked her, in the course of conversation, about her and her boyfriend, and how were they getting along, and she told me they broke up. She had to dump him, because she found out he was talking to some other girl he met online, and flirting with her, and that he had gone to meet her one night. He claims nothing happened, they just talked, he had just wanted to meet her, but he loved K..blah blah blah.. So why did he need to talk to and meet this other girl, she asked? He said, "I don't know, I was just curious". Well, curiosity, in this case, killed the relationship. She said he had cheated on her, and he had to go. Was that cheating? Yeah, he had been chatting with this girl, and for some reason was compelled to go meet her, but he claims he didn't even kiss her, it was just to talk, mostly about the problems he and K were having, and it's not cheating. Is chatting cheating? How about cybersex? A kiss? Is it not cheating until you kiss someone else? Is it not cheating unless you have some sort of actual sexual contact? Or, as J would have me believe, it ain't cheating unless you get caught?

I don't know.. I tend to think that, technically, any sort of intimate relationship with someone else outside of your relationship, could be construed as cheating to some. To me, I don't consider myself as ever having cheated on a boyfriend, even though a couple of times, in the distant past, I had, say, gone to a bar, and, perhaps, met a tasty young thing, and maybe by the end of the evening ..umm.. held his hand.. yeah, that's it! But, at the time, I may have had a boyfriend, but the relationship wasn't serious. I wasn't living with the person or claiming to be "in love". If the guy knew about the kis..err hand holding.. he may have thought it was cheating and dumped me, but I saw nothing wrong with it. If I loved the guy I was with, it wouldn't have been an issue, it never would have happened, so I felt it was fine. Now, if J went out and kissed some skank in a bar..(and, of course, she would be a skank, or why else is she kissing my man!) I'd consider that as having cheated on me, and probably dump him. Perspective changes when the shoe's on the other foot. I don't know.. where do you draw the line?

She's Gone

Well, the puppy is gone. I don't know if he put it in the car and tried to take it back to where he got it, although they claim they have no idea where they were when it started following them, or if he just put it outside the gate and it went off on its merry way. I just hope that if they let it out, it knows its way home and didn't follow someone else and get lost further. Someone will be glad to see her if she goes home, cuz she sure is a sweetie. I kinda wanted to keep her, cuz she was just so calm and happy and sweet, but I didn't have the heart to keep someone's dog, or keep her from her pups any longer if they are out there somewhere waiting for her. I'll miss her. She didn't have a collar on, which I would think she would if she belonged to someone, but she was obviously used to being in the house, because she was very well behaved inside and really wanted to come in to be with people. She never barked once, the whole time she was here, even though we left her outside in the yard all night by herself. Maybe I shoulda kept her and brought Belle's barking, growling, fence jumping behind to the pound. She got out yesterday, and I went out and chased her for 45 minutes and couldn't get her back in. She finally did come in, but I was not a happy camper. It took all I had not to beat the snot outta her when she finally decided to come back.

Thursday, March 04, 2004

A New Friend...

Just what I needed. J and John came home from work tonight and decided, for some reason, to take a walk around the neighborhood. They were bored! So, that was no problem..until they came back with a friend. As I was getting dinner ready, John came in and told me to bring a bowl of water and some dog food outside. It seems, they found a dog, not very old, part Rottweiler and something else, but I have no idea what. It's small, about the size of Jazmine and Belle, but I can't tell at all what the mix might be. It's the sweetest, friendliest dog I've seen in a long time. It just wants to be loved and paid attention to. It absolutely loves J. They said it just started following them, and it wouldn't go away. The only problem is that it has very obviously had puppies recently, and it may have babies somewhere without a mom if it doesn't go home. It won't go! It must belong to someone, because it wasn't at all interested in the food, so someone has been feeding it. I told him to bring it back where he got it, because it may have pups, and if Belle or Jazmine got out and followed someone home, and they kept it, I'd lose my mind. Someone may love that dog and be freaking out right now. He says he doesn't remember where it started following them from, but it had followed them for quite a while, it was too far to walk back. I guess we'll let it stay here tonight, and tomorrow I'll see if he can drive it back to approximately the area he found it in, or I'll just have to open the gate and see if I can get it to go home. Maybe I'll ask him which direction they walked to, and see if I can head back that way and hope it leaves and heads home. I wouldn't mind keeping it, because it is very sweet and seems to get along with everyone here, so far, but I just don't want to be responsible for stealing someone's baby, or leaving a bunch of pups to fend for themselves. Even if noone particularly owns it, it may have pups somewhere that are now by themselves living outside somewhere alone. We'll see what happens, I suppose. I'm not gonna worry about it tonight.

How Come..

..Every time I turn on CBS, there is either the News, Dr. Phil, or Oprah on? Are these the only three shows on CBS? Or is it just that I always magically seem to stop on that channel at about the same approximate times?? Hmmmm.. it's always always one of these three shows.

Random Quote for Today

"Peter, poke her one more time, and I swear the next book you'll be reading is Harry Potter and the 45 Minute Spanking". from Will & Grace

AWWW Crap On A Cracker!!!

Dang it! I just found out that my domain has been shut down temporarily, and I'm not very happy. I got a notice to update my billing information because the account was due about two weeks ago, but me, being Ms. Procrastination, put it off and put it off, and then I finally did it a week or so ago, and I never notified anyone that I did it, assuming they would try to bill it again, but they didn't. Instead, they just cut me off. Problem is, I don't have the money in the account now to pay it ( I don't do credit cards). I had it last week, but somehow I don't now. Arrrgh.. now it will be down probably until the 10th, unless I can get enough cash from somewhere to pay it. The thing that really pisses me off, is I can't blame it on anyone but myself. I phuqued up, and I really, really hate when that happens. So, if anyone comes here and you don't see any graphics on this site, that's why. They will be back on Wednesday. This just sucks!


Shamelessly stolen from I Don't Think

Laura Schlessinger (Dr. Laura) is a US radio personality, who dispenses advice to people who call in to her Radio show. On her radio show recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination, according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, penned by a US resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as thought-provoking.

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination... End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is, my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2. clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle- room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.
You are Schroeder!

Which Peanuts Character are You?
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