Thursday, April 29, 2004

It's Just So BIG!

Did ya ever notice how you never notice something until something makes ya notice it? Then, once you notice it, it's EVERYWHERE. Everyone is writing about it, you see it everywhere, or there's pictures of it everywhere, whatever the case may be. Like, if you're thinking of buying a new car, and you find a car you really think is awesome, and then all of a sudden, they're everywhere. Every third car on the road is your car of choice, and you wonder if it has always been this way and you never noticed, or if there was some sudden popularity explosion for that vehicle and maybe that's why you suddenly decided you wanted one, too. Well, this week's car is JLo's ass. I have heard comments before about the girls booty, of course, but it seems that everyone is talking about it this week. I went to visit Dooce the other day, and she had a reference to a previous post of hers about her celebrity sightings, and there was JLo's ass. Apparently, it's BIG. Then, Regis and Kelly the next day..talking about JLo's ass again. Now, I go visit Wendy at two dolla, and I'm catching up on her posts, and there, once again, is JLo's ass. She's talking about how huge it was in Selena. I've never, personally, noticed JLo's ass before, but now she's gonna be on Will & Grace tonight, and all I'll be able to do is look at her ass. It will be right there.. it's HUGE. I'm kinda scared.

JLo's Ass

Whew!

Well, it doesn't look like I'll have to move to another site, I don't think J is going looking for my blog or anything. Unless he has, and just decided that it was okay, and that it is better not to tell me he's found it, so that he can continue to read it and see what I say about him. I doubt it, though. I don't think he's that slick. I told him when he saw it that it was just my website, not being specific that it was, in fact, a blog separate from my personal site, where I write all kinds of evil things about him, but he didn't mention it last night. Lucky for me, he's not that internet savvy. He can fix a computer, but he isn't a Google master.. like myself. Not that it would be hard, even if he only saw the title of the blog, if you Google Days Go By, I'm numero uno! If you Google JaxVenus, I'm all over. He has no clue about HTML and website stuff. He can't FTP. He can't make a table or post a picture without help. I like it that way. The less he knows..well, the less he knows, if ya see what I mean. I like my men dumb and pretty.. yeah, I do.

Wednesday, April 28, 2004

On Ellen today...

I'm watching Ellen today, as I sit here and work, as I so often do, and she has come up with two new little additions to her show. The first is a tap dancer, named Omar, she pilfered from the Apollo Theater, as near as I can tell, who she is using to signal when it's time to go to a commericial break. She has trouble stopping people mid story when they need to go to commercial, so Omar will now tap dance across the stage to signal a commercial break. This may not be her smartest idea yet. First of all, what is the point to tap dancing? I could never figure it out. Yeah, I know it's dancing, duh! But what's is the objective to being a tap dancer. Is it the ability to make certain noises with your shoes by moving your feet in a certain way? It appears to me that it really doesn't make much difference when you're tapping what you look like when you're doing it, or the exact positioning of your feet, as long as it makes a nice sounding tappity tappity while you do it. I could be totally off on this. Any input would be appreciated. The point is, that now, every time there's a commercial break coming, this guy busts out on the stage and taps across it, doing a little show. This is not only rude to your guests, in my opinion, they don't get to finish their sentence even, but it wastes minutes that could be used for the guests comments, while we watch the tap guy do his thing instead. It's entertaining, I suppose, but wasteful of time. Plus, it really focuses attention on the number of commercial breaks there actually are. I've never realized before how many dang commercials there are during the course of one Ellen show. With Omar there to emphasize it, you can't help but notice. The second little addition is something I could use a little pocket version of, actually. She has a Wheel of Greetings, that she spins to determine what type of greeting she will share with each of her guests. They range from a short hug, an extended hug, to a handshake, or a kiss on the cheek. This could really come in handy. I'm a hugger, personally, with people that I know. If I don't know someone well, though, it's kinda touch and go tryiing to figure out which way to go sometimes. Some people you meet, and you know them sorta well from online or from different things, and even though you've maybe never met in person, you feel you know them well enough that you should hug them. But, maybe they're not comfortable with the hug, and you go in for the hug and they kinda freak a little, it's uncomfortable. Then, maybe it's someone you know, but you wouldn't say you're friends really, and you would think a brief hug or even just a handshake would be appropriate, yet they go in for the full hug and/or kiss on the cheek deal. It's all very confusing. A Wheel could really help to straighten things out. Hmmm.. maybe I'll have to work on that.

The Jig is Up

Well, the shit may or may not hit the fan here soon. I phuqued up and had my blog up when J came in the room today, and he saw it and was wanting to know what it was. I told him it's my website, and closed it before he could see much. I'm not sure what it is he thinks I would do or write here, but he got all pissy because I closed it. He thinks I'm hiding something big from him now. I'm not, really. I only don't outright show him this thing because I sometimes get pissed off at him and need to rant and vent, or want to write about stuff that he would think was stupid, and he'll say its just a waste of time and that it's stupid. Anything J doesn't understand or isn't interested in falls into one of two categories...a waste of time, and totally unimportant, and/or just stupid. He thinks I'm hiding it because I'm using it as some superduper man catching tool, and I'm posting naked pictures of myself and pleas for a new man or something. It threatens him. Not that anything I would write here is any of his business, really. We've been through this before, when I used to have an online journal on my own site. He ran across that one day, and he wasn't happy because I wouldn't let him read that one either. He thinks he has the right to read it. Maybe he thinks I'm writing all about him, or ..who knows what the hell he thinks. Like if I kept an offline journal, he thinks it should be open to him to read it. I don't know what sort of dementia would make him think that, but he does. I'm not gonna start sensoring myself to please him, that's all I know. If he searches and sticks his nose where it doesn't belong, he'll just have to deal with whatever he reads when he finds it. What's he gonna do, really, bitch at me? Big Deal! I really don't care, especially now that I hear the kind of things he says to other people about me when he doesn't think I'll find out. Now, I just have to wait and see if he can find this site address or not. I certainly won't be giving it to him. I don't know if he actually knows my domain name, which really won't help him much, since this is Blogspot, but if he finds my site, he'll see that this is not actually part of it, and then he'll wonder what it was I was really hiding. I don't know if he'll be able to figure out how to Google this site to find it, which really wouldn't be hard, or how much he saw, or if he'll even bother, but we''ll soon find out. In the meantime, I guess I'll have to clear my browser history thingy often, and be doubly sure not to walk away from the puter with the blog open and stuff, and if he finds it anyway, then I'll just have to deal with it, I suppose. Or move to another site...

Things That Make You Go Hmmmm...

So, they sheared 27.4 kilos of fleece off that sheep, Shrek, that hadn't been sheared in about six years. That's, apparently, enough wool to make 20-sunthin mens suits. That's alot of suits from one sheep. But, ya gotta wonder, when it comes to sheep, what did sheep do before humans figured out it would be a good and useful thing to do to shear them? There had to have been a few years, or hundred years, or so, when humans were still wearing leaves and didn't own scissors or shearers,where the sheeps pretty much had to fend for themselves. They were on their own with the whole wool thing. There must have been a whole bajillion big, wooly sheep, with tons and tons of thick, icky wool on them. That looked very uncomfortable for poor Shrek. When ya think about it, ya gotta admit that it's amazing that the sheep population didn't die out altogether. Because, really, I would imagine when the wool gets that long and thick, it makes it difficult, not only to mount your woman, but then to get through the wool to do "the deed", if you could manage to climb on and get a hold. It couldn't have been easy. Maybe sheep were smart enough to somehow figure out that they needed to sorta "clear the runway" as it were, and they ripped out, or somehow removed the wool from the vital areas. Guess we'll never know..just another one of those things that make you go hmmmm...

Tuesday, April 27, 2004

Because Everyone Else Is Doing It...

tuesday is chooseday


    Would you rather:
  1. have the lifetime channel make a movie out of your life OR the playboy channel?

  2. Hmm..since even the Playboy Channel wouldn't be able to make my life seem sexy, I'd have to say Lifetime.
  3. lick a cat's nose OR give it a proctology exam without gloves? (thanks nicole)

  4. Since I'm a much bigger fan of licking things than of sticking things up butts, I'd have to go with lick the nose.
  5. find a bag containing $20,000 and turn it in before you find out it belonged to an known mob boss OR not turn it in, spend it all, and find out it belonged to an orphange?
  6. br> Spend Spend Spend..okay, that's wrong of me, but in my defense, I didn't know it belonged to the orphans until it was too late. But, to make it up to them, I'll let them play with all my new toys!!
  7. find out your parents kidnapped you when you were a baby and raised you as their own OR find out you had a twin that died at birth that they never told you about?

  8. Hmm..that's a tough one. I think it would upset me less to know I had a twin that died. It would be sad, and I'd wish I had gotten to be able to grow up with my twin, but I think it would be less upsetting than to think they family I grew up believing was my real family wasn't really my family.
There's not much to report around here, but I just thought I'd check in. Blogging has been light cuz my brain has been on vacation. I have no thoughts. Nothing to share. Nothing going on. Or, at least nothing in the least interesting. The drama still rages on with the deal between my friend and her ex. Only now, it's all about J and his big mouth. It appears J said a little more to the new girlfriend than was first reported. He has known the girl for a while, and they were chatting, and he, apparently, not only said he thought my friend was a bitch, but he said some stuff about ME. We don't know why he would say that about her, she's never done anything to him, and I don't know why he would say the things about me they claim he said either, but he did. The conversation got logged, and it was all sent to my friend. See..as I said, all of this is pretty boring, so I really don't have much to blog about. Nothing has been going on. We went to my mom's for dinner on Saturday, and that was fun. J went over and mowed their lawn for them, so my dad wouldn't have to do it with his emphysema and stuff, and we stayed and had pork roast and visited for a bit. That was about the big excitement for my week. Sad, aint it! Maybe this week will be better, and I'll be able to find something interesting to blog about. Hope springs eternal.

Sunday, April 25, 2004

Hey, Sonny..Go Get Granny A Dime Bag

I have a friend who I talk to all the time, and in the course of our conversation yesterday she mentioned that her parents smoke pot. They're close to 60, or maybe a little over 60, I'm not sure. Then, while typing a report for work today, the doctor says that the patient is 69 and admits to "smoking copious amounts of marijuana". Now I have pictures of grammas sitting in their rocking chairs with a nice mellow buzz, or hanging out in the kitchen, baking their Toll House cookies.. cuz they got the freakin' munchies sunthin fierce! Is grandma getting forgetful? No, it's not Alzheimer's, she's just so high she can't remember her name.. or feel her face. That's why she keeps forgetting to put her teeth in. I don't know why, but I just never pictured old people getting high. Drunk? yeah, I know the old folks like their cocktails, but I guess I assumed that when grandma is in the potty for a long time, its not because she's gotta hit the crack pipe. Like, at the weekly bridge game, the games are being held up while they cut lines on the bridge table, or excuse themselves to go to the bathroom and snort a few lines. Somewhere, right now, there could be a couple gray haired old men, sitting around the cribbage board passing a joint back and forth. It's just weird. I guess I just thought it was something you do when you're young, and by the time you get old, you grow out of it. How sad is it that you can't afford to buy your blood pressure meds or have to eat cat food, because you can't afford food and your weekly bag. I guess it's not so strange these days. Someone in their 60's would have been in their 20's in the 60's, probably a hippie, flower child, hanging out getting high. People in their 30's in the 80's who got hooked on coke would now be in their 50's to 60's. Granny isn't a gray-haired, frail old lady sitting in a rocking chair, knitting booties, and baking cookies anymore, they're online, surfing, and playing spades and stuff. But, just thinking of a 70 or 80 year-old lady, driving down to the 'hood with her social security check every month to get herself a dime bag is just too weird. Are little old ladies now hangin out in the Bingo Hall tripping on acid? What's the world coming to?

Saturday, April 24, 2004

Oops.. I Lost A Day Somewhere

Okay, I dropped the ball yesterday. I completely forgot to post. Busy day, I guess. Today is no less busy, really. I have lots and lots of house cleaning to do, work up the wazoo I'm behind on, and it's 1:00 and I still havent made it into the shower. Too much drama around here. Ooooh the drama! Breakups are hard, we all know. But when you breakup, and your ex just happens to meet a new woman online and she puts his name in her profile about how much she looooves him, and your best friend's boyfriend just happens to be in the same chat room and reads her profile, and tells your best friend, and then she calls you, and she sends you a copy of the profile and a copy of his where it says how he's planning to marry his new woman someday ..you know you have to call the ex and give him shit. Ya gotta. Especially when he was, just that morning, meeting with you to give you some money he owes you, and was lying about how he couldn't afford to pay you what he owed.. yet he, apparently had taken his new woman out on the town the night before. So then, best friends being what they are, you have to call your best friend with the updates every 20 minutes and tell her the "he said, she said" of it all. Soo..I've been on the phone getting the updates all morning. What's funny is, this guy threatened to kick J's ass (as if he could), for talking to his woman and "getting in his business", when all he did was say hi, and tell her he knows her boyfriend...and then tell me, of course. But, if he had just let it alone, and let it die, there wouldn't be a problem. The fact that he got so upset about them talking, of course, had us wondering what kinda lies he filled her head with that he is so afraid she'll find out. We, of course, had to investigate and see what we could find out. Turns out, he blamed all of his money and bad credit problems on my friend, and said he "got taken advantage of big time" when in reality she pretty much supported him, and the only reason he has a car is because she cosigned for it for him. Well this is all very time consuming stuff, all this intrigue and investigating...who has time for trivial things like work and cleaning.

Thursday, April 22, 2004

It's Amazing...

My dog is psychic. I have long suspected this, but, really, I have now come to the conclusion that it's true. She knows things. Like, when I'm getting ready to get up to go do something, before I actually make any effort to get up, she'll get up and trot to the bedroom door and sit there waiting for me, so she can follow me to wherever it is I'm planning to go. Of course, if it happens to be to the bathroom, she'll follow me in and either stand next to me, turning her butt towards me, so I can scratch her butt while I do..whatever it is I'm doing....or she'll just jump right up into my lap and sit on my lap til I'm done. I have no choice in this. She's not a small dog. It's not like she's a freakin' poodle or anything. But that's not the point. The other thing that she does that makes me sure she's psychic, is the thing that's really amazing. We have an arrangement, me and my dogs, where I get to eat whatever I'm eating, and they don't bug me while I eat, and in exchange, they get the last bite of everything I eat. I'll eat it down almost to the end, and then split the last bit between the three of them. If it's something small, or there's any leftovers, Jazmine gets it.. because she's the queen. So, consequently, they don't usually bug me too much while I'm eating, until it gets down toward the end..here's where the psychic part comes in. Jazmine will be laying there..sometimes way on the other side of the room..not watching me or paying attention. She may even be sleeping. Until just as I get down to the last bit.. then she runs over and sits down next to me, or jumps up and puts her paws on my legs, and whines. She KNOWS when I get to the place where it's ready to go to her. God forbid I keep eating past the point where there's not an ample amount left to split between them. It's not such a feat with a sandwich or a piece of meat, etc, because you can really kind of guage by looking at it when it gets to the right point, but when I'm eating something like cereal, she'll sit and mind her business, and just as I get to the last bite, she'll jump up and run over, ready for hers. How does she know? she can't see in the bowl. She can't know how much is left from across the room! Yet, she knows. As soon as I get down to within two bites from the end of the bowl, without fail, she comes over and starts whining until I put down the bowl for her. She's psychic... there's no other explanation for it.
I am just NOT in the mood for today.

Wednesday, April 21, 2004

Quotes by Bill Maher on Jay Leno about gay marriage.

"All marriage is same sex marriage, cuz once you get married, it's the same sex all the time."

"Half the country is against it, half the country is for it. So why not just let the lesbians get married. Marriage is a chick thing. Guys don't want to get married. Marriage is something cooked up by women and the church to stamp out oral sex."
Owing to the advance in medical technology, surgical technique and the
fact that silicone breast implants have been determined to be perfectly
safe, a California cosmetic surgery practice is opening a new office where
breast augmentation surgery is done on an outpatient basis in about 30
minutes.

They are going to call the practice, "Jiffy Boob."

Some Funnies For You

Okay, well some of them aren't all that funny, but they amused me.



1. What is the leading cause of death with lesbians?
Answer: Hair balls.

2. How do you know if a blonde has been sending e-mail?
Answer: You see a bunch of envelopes stuffed into the disk drive

3. What can Life Savers do that men cannot?
Answer: Come in five flavors

4. What is good on pizza but bad on pussy?
Answer: Crust

5. Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey?
Answer: Because Kermit likes sweet and sour pork

06. How can you tell if you have a high sperm count?
Answer: If your girlfriend chews before swallowing (EWWWWWWWWW)

7. What do you get when you get Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Dough Boy together?
Answer: A red headed bitch with a yeast infection

8. How do you piss off Winnie The Pooh?
Answer: By sticking your finger in his honey

9. What is the ultimate rejection?
Answer: When your masturbating and your hand falls asleep

10. What did Bill Clinton say to Monica?
Answer: I told you to lick my erection, not wreck my election.

11. What does pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?
Answer: Both can smell it but can't eat it

12. What do you call a blonde with pigtails?
Answer: A blow job with handle bars

13. What do you call a group of blondes on roller skates?
Answer: A mobile sperm bank.

14. What do you call a blonde with a dollar bill over her head?
Answer: All you can eat for under a buck.

15. What do you get when you mix a rooster with a telephone pole?
Answer: A 30ft cock that wants to reach out and touch someone.

16. What do you call a virgin on a waterbed?
A: cherry float.

17. What did the sign on the door of the whorehouse say?
A: Beat IT - we're closed.

18. Why do walruses go to Tupperware parties?
A: To find a tight seal.

19. What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
A. Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

20. What's the difference between sin and shame?
A. It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.

21. What's the speed limit of sex?
A. 68; at 69 you have to turn around.

22. Why did Raggedy Ann get thrown out of the toy box?
A. She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face, and moaning, "Lie to me!"

23. Why is air a lot like sex?
A. Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

24. What's another name for pickled bread?
A. Dill-dough

25. Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants?
A. He heard the snow blower coming.

26. Why are Monica Lewinsky's cheeks so puffy?
A: She's withholding evidence

27. What's the difference between light and hard?
A. You can sleep with a light on.

28. Why do women rub their eyes when they get out of bed?
A. Because they don't have balls to scratch.

29. Why is sex like a bridge game?
A. You don't need a partner if you have a good hand.

30. What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common?
A. Their balls are just for decoration.

31. Why don't blind people like to sky dive?
A. Because it scares the hell out of the dog

Adventures in Grocery Shopping

So, I just went to the grocery store. All I wanted was some mustard, cuz we're out, and a chicken. I love chicken, and they have those roasted chickens for 4 bucks or so, and I was in the mood for some chicken. We went to the store, and 74.00 later, we came home. Sheeesh. Thats what I get for going to the store hungry, I guess. Worst part is, I didn't get much in the way of actual food. I got the chicken, and some Pepsi for J, and the mustard, and then I remembered we were low on mayo, so I passed the spaghetti aisle, and grabbed a jar of sauce, and aren't we low on tuna? which reminded me I was out of salad stuff, so I needed some cheese for my salad, and some rolls to go with my chicken sounded really good. Then J wanted some cookies to take to school with him. People in his class are always bringing stuff in, and he never brings anything, so I said fine I could do that. Only cuz he brought me home a whole thing of cookies the other day, and he brings me leftovers here and there, I figured I'd be nice. Heading to the checkout, I see they have Ben & Jerry's pints 4 for $10..well, that's not a bad deal! Better stock up, right? At the checkout, they have the Haunted Mansion DVD, just sitting there, staring at me. J wanted to see it, and I heard it wasn't the best movie, but it would probably be kinda cute. I like Eddie Murphy, I like fantasy/ghost type stuff. I like Disney and the Haunted Mansioin ride. J has been wanting to see it. Okay, sure, throw one of them on there too. What the heck! "That will be 74.00, please" WTF? Damn...that hurt.

Top 50

50 worst songs

This is so wrong! I hate when magazines and TV shows do this kind of thing. It's so subjective, and who made these people the gurus of musical goodness? They pick a person or group of people, and they pick songs that they like or don't like and decide that this sucks because of this or that, and that is wonderful because of this or that, but chances are that of the songs or groups they decided are the worst things ever, when someone else reads the list they see a handful of their favorite groups or favorite songs on the list. I see several songs I like, and several groups I like on these lists that Blender put out. Maybe I just have terrible taste, and I should just shut up. But if I do, and I'm just terribly, terribly bad at picking songs or groups, then I can't be the only one. These songs and groups they pick are/were popular and/or famous at one point in time. Popular enough to be well-known. So what if they aren't profound or earth-shattering. So what if they're stupid or bubble gum, or whatever the criticism is. It's one thing to have personal preferences and say "I don't like this, and I think that sucks", but to sit down as a small group of people and compile a list and declare that these 50 or 100, or whatever, songs, or groups, or CDs, or movies etc, are the absolute worst pieces of crap ever produced. Arrrrgh. It's just like those idiots who make lists of blogging rules and declare them law.. pffffffffft, whatever!
You know it's time to go back to bed when you spend 5 minutes searching for your headphones so you can start to work, and you can't find them anywhere. They were just there a minute ago, you saw them, and now they're just GONE! They're not on the floor. They're not under the newspaper. They're not on the desk. They're..wait a minute.. they're on your ears! pfffffffffft ...it's gonna be a long day.

I Knew IT!

Chocolate cake addiction:

There is news today that people may actually get addicted to cake. That explains a lot! I have no control when it comes to cake, and stuff with frosting on it. I always thought I was just weak-willed and there was something wrong with me. Now, it turns out I'm just a victim of my addiction. Whew! That's a relief. Hopefully, now that they know this, they'll come up with some sort of pill..or I can get on the patch! Maybe they'll come in chocolate flavor.....

"People who say they are addicted to chocolate or pizza may not be exaggerating, according to U.S.-based scientists.

A team led by Dr Gene-Jack Wang of Brookhaven National Laboratory in New York report their findings in the April issue of the journal NeuroImage.

The researchers scanned the brains of normal, hungry people and found their brains lit up when they saw and smelled their favorite foods, in much the same way as the brains of cocaine addicts when they think about their next snort. "

Tuesday, April 20, 2004

I'm a Big Geek

Yeah, I'm a big ol' geek. I'm all aflutter. Guess who's on Ellen today, and I'm just diggin' it.. Go on..guess! yeah, it's Barry Manilow. He's on Ellen, singing Mandy, Looks Like We Made It, I write the Songs, Copacabana..and I'm singing along, cuz I'm a big ol' geek. I loooove me some Barry. It's not like I usually sit and listen to him, and play his CD or anything, because I do own a couple, of them, but when I hear him on the radio, when he's on a talk show, and I hear that voice, I just can't help myself. I just sing along and it makes me happy. Barry Manilow is one of those people that immediately remind of a certain time, a certain place, a certain person. Like, oh yeah, this song reminds of when I.. . He's tied up in memories big-time for me. Okay, now that I've disclosed my secret shame, I'm going to finish watching Barry..and may even dig out a CD or two later.




Happy Hump Day

J is mad at me today. Actually, he's mad at me still from yesterday. He came home hungry last night, and I didn't feel like cooking. I wasn't hungry, and I was busy, and I just didn't feel like it, so I didn't. he ended up having to fix himself a sandwich or something..poor baby! So, he got all pissed off, I had to listen to the "You don't care about me. You dont' care about anyone but yourself. Why don't you just admit you wish I'd leave. You obviously don't want me here..blah blah blah" It's almost easier just to get up and fix him something than to have to listen to the whining and endless list of bullshit I have to endure if I decide I don't feel like cooking..or whatever other thing he's pissed about. So today, to be nice, I cooked dinner early, and its in there all ready for him when he gets home. Now, of course, he'll either be happy because he'll have food, or, more likely, he'll whine because I fixed it early and it will have to be reheated. It won't be fresh. Oh suuuure. You get a fresh, hot meal, and I get re-warmed stuff. I can't win! We'll see what happens when he gets home tonight, I guess. Maybe he'll surprise me and he'll say "Gee baby, that was just wonderful of you to take time out of your busy day to feed me. Even though it's not your job or your responsibility, because I'm a grown-ass man and you are not my mommy" LOLOLOL I kill me!

Monday, April 19, 2004

I went surfing and playing online today. I don't do it that often anymore, cuz there just doesn't seem to be a lot of time, and I spend way too much money. I ordered a couple of magazine subscriptions, played some games on Pogo, went to Barnes and Noble and spent the 25.00 gift card I had, and went to a couple of bead sites and ordered lots of pretty new beads. Yeah! I can't wait til they get here, so I can play and make stuff with them. I have a ton of beads already, but I was out of wire and head pins, and I only have a few clasps. So, while I was there ordering those things, I managed to find a bunch of pretty stuff I had to have. Not like I have a bunch of time to be making stuff, but that's beside the point.

Happy Monday

I sincerely hope I have more motivation today than I've had the past few days. I was having some major concentration issues, couldn't even concentrate long enough to think of a post, never mind actually put words in any kind of coherent order. Today, I think I'm better. Its early yet, though, too soon to tell for sure. I went to bed pretty early last night, but I did manage to stay awake long enough to watch the most of High School Reunion. Are you watching that one? I don't know why they bothered to invite anyone besides Johnny, Luann, Denise, Gabe, and Heather. Well, there is the little Trevor and what's her name love thing now, too. The rest of them..who are they again? I missed the last 20 minutes, so I didn't see what happened with the Gabe and Denise hall pass, but I don't think I missed much. Heather needs to get a life! Wahhh she was mean to me in high school and she stole the love of my life. Ok, so Denise was mean to her, and she took the opportunity to come to the reunion hoping to get an apology. Alright, it's a little ridiculous that she hasn't gotten over it, but so what. But the whole Gabe thing? The man spent 10 years with Denise, had children with her, divorced her..yeah, ok. But he went on the Hall Pass with her and slept with her. He didn't accept the second Hall Pass from Heather, but then asked Denise to go on his. Hello! Then, she turns around and says he's playinig games and trying to play them both. She feels bad for poor Denise. No..he just doesn't want you! He said "there is no me and Heather". Clueless..table for one!

Anyway.. there was a story on the news this morning about an 18 month old boy who had drowned at his day care. Now his parents are trying to get a law passed that day care providers are not allowed to have a pool. Stuff like this pisses me off. It's sad that the boy drowned, and the day care may have been negligent, but because one child drowns accidentally, they have to make more nanny laws to prohibit others from having a pool. Others who are licensed. Others who have the required 4 foot fence. No more pool for you, because some idiots left their child with an unlicensed provider, with no fence around her pool. First of all, the day care chick was unlicensed, and the parents knew this. They knew she had the pool, and I don't think it had the required 4 foot fence around it, yet they left their child with her and were paying her to take care of him. I didn't hear the details of the drowning. If she was just really negligent and didn't pay attention to the kids, that's one thing. If she was generally a good sitter, and did pay attention to the kids, but somehow he got out and she wasn't aware, and we all know accidents happen even to good parents who do watch their kid, that's another thing entirely. Now this lady is going to be charged with 3rd degree murder and operating a business without a license. She should be charged, she should be held responsible for the death of a child who probably wouldn't have died if she had been doing her job, or if she had been licensed and had the fence. Maybe the parents should be charged too. Why shouldn't they share blame in leaving their child with someone they knew was unlicensed and didn't have a fence? They shouldn't be crying now that we need more laws to keep licensed people who are within the guidelines, and do actually watch their kids, from having a pool. Maybe I'm crazy, and maybe I'd feel differently if I had kids, or if it happened to someone I know, and it was a child I loved. Maybe I don't know what I'm talking about. It's probably not even a big deal if they pass the law and people can't have pools at day cares. I just don't think we need to make a law every time someone gets hurt or dies accidentally.

Sunday, April 18, 2004

Sun Shiney Day

It's days like today that make me wish I could pack up and go work outside. It's beautiful out there! Bright, sunny, with a nice breeze, and I got lots of little wild flowers poking up around my yard. Knowing that it's nice out like that, makes it pert near impossible for me to concentrate to get any actual work done anyway, cuz I want to go outside and play. If I had a pool.. fagedabowdit! I'd be in the pool, lounging around, drinking some fancy tropical drink..or even a cold beer. I certainly wouldn't be sitting here in front of this computer attempting to work. When I get some money ::snicker::: I'm totally putting in a pool and building one of those sunrooms, and I'll move my computer out there and sit in the sun room with the windows wide open, and then every so often, I'll take a break and jump in the pool for a bit. Right now, I got no money, I got nuthin', so I'm forced to sit in here and try to ignore the fact that I know it's nice and sunny, and perfect beach weather out there. Ahhh...the beach.. I haven't been to the beach in ages. I live 20 minutes away from several beaches..and I don't go. Of course, that's cuz on the weekends they get real crowded, and I'm not overly fond of sand..but it sure is relaxing and pretty out there. Sad thing is, I took Friday and Saturday off, so I did sit out in the yard and relax some. It just wasn't enough. Since I took those two days off, I have no choice but to work today. If that isn't bad enough, I'm relatively sure there will be many, many more beautiful, sunny days over the next few months. Seeing that it's Florida and all, that tends to happen quite often. I don't know how I'm going to get any work done between now and September..

Saturday, April 17, 2004

Blech

Ya ever have one of those days? I feel so blech today. I have no energy, and don't want to do anything. It's too taxing to even watch TV. I think I slept too much, cuz I slept 5 hours in a row last night, got up for about 3 or 4 hours, then slept another 4 hours or so. I woke up really achy, and feeling blech. My head is all cloudy. This sucks, so I think I'm going to have to get dressed and go out and find something to do, to see if I can shake it off. It's gorgeous outside today, so it's a good day for it. I know one thing though, I won't be venturing out into my backyard barefoot again, cuz I got a zillion tiny, itchy ant bites on my feet yesterday from doing that, and a few on my legs. I learned my lesson, let me tell ya. I even have an ant bite on the inside of my thigh..up high..dangerously close to where it would be really, really embarrasing to have to keep scratching it in public. Its' NOT a good thing. We went to Wally World last night and got some kill the little phuqer spray, so their little feet biting days are numbered. Well, I'm outta here for now. I'm off to find something fun to do.

Friday, April 16, 2004

** Top Ten Ways to Spend the $250 Million Powerball Jackpot **

10. A twinkie for everyone in the country.

9. Develop and market an action-figure doll of yourself.

8. Get yourself one a' them "Pentagon quality" toilet bowls.

7. Buy the biggest trailer in West Virginia, and then put a
new BMW on blocks in the front yard.

6. Pay for a top-notch therapist to deal with the feeling that,
compared to Bill Gates, you're still not rich.

5. At long last: a home-slurpee machine of your VERY OWN!

4. Four words: Prank call to Antarctica.

3. Goodbye aluminum siding: Hello golden siding.

2. Get it all in pennies and ride the horse in front of K-mart,
FOREVER!

1. Donate it to a college. Then they can name a building after
you: "Lucky Bastard Hall"

____________________

Thursday, April 15, 2004

Tick Tick Tick

The taxman's clock is ticking. Time is almost up! Did you get your taxes done little Mr. and Mrs. Procrastination? Are you scurrying today, trying to get your taxes done before the deadline? Not me! I got mine done and spent a few weeks back. For once. Ahhhh.. the sweet feeling of not waiting until the last minute...

A Harrowing Tale

It was a close call here tonight, let me tell ya. I thought I was a goner. If it wasn't for the quick actions of J, I coulda been killed. I was in the kitchen, minding my own business, preparing a feast of culinary delights for my man (waiting for the microwave to finish) and I looked up into the corner of the room..and there it was. Cover your eyes for this one Serenity. Up in the corner, crawling quickly on these huge, hairy legs, was the biggest spider I've seen in years. Yes, huge, hairy, icky, made my skin crawl, gave me the willies paook. The thing was as big as my head! I kid you not. I said "Oh my phuqing Gawd!!" and shrieked in typical girly fashion, and J came running in to see what was up. He quickly drew his sword (grabbed the can of Raid) and commenced a battle with the beast. It was touch and go, a fierce battle, where my man risked his life and almost lost it, in order to save me from the humongous, evil creature. If left unchecked, it surely would have killed us both in our sleep. He was brave and fearless to take it on, but take it on he did, and he emerged, at last, victorious when he ran the beast through with his blade (he squirted it a bunch of times with the Raid, and it fell over, curled up into a ball, and died). My heart is still beating fast from the experience, and I'm sure glad I had a big, strong, man to battle evil creatures for me. That thing was freakin' nasty ::shiver::::

Wednesday, April 14, 2004

Award Yourself.

This is how much of an airhead I am. I made this award type thingy as a joke during the time of the Bloggies this year, and was going to post it for those of us who weren't nominated, probably never will be, but still rock, regardless. I forgot all about it, and never put it up pfffffffffft I just found it in among my zillions of graphics, so, better late than never, and since I still don't have time for an actual post, I figured I'd share. So, you can post it on your site, don't post it, send it to your favorite bloggers, ignore it altogether, write to tell me how lame I am. Whatever.. just thought I'd share. : O)

Something's Gotta Give

Just watched the movie "Something's Gotta Give". What makes it so wonderful, you ask? Well.. aside from these two.

Two fabulously sexy, wonderful, talented "older women". I've loved Diane Keaton since "Annie Hall", she's great..though kinda kooky when you see her off the screen, I still think she's great and I love to watch her. Frances McDormand as her sister, Zoe, was really good, too. She is also a very attractive and talented "older" woman, and they were great together in this movie as sisters. Though, we don't get to see enough of Frances, when she is there, she's lots of fun. I wish they had given her more to do, because she's mostly only on screen during the first part of the movie.

Then, if that wasn't enough, there's this guy.

Love him! Okay, I don't know what Jack Nicholson's appeal is, but he just has that "something". Charm? Charisma? Talent? Yeah. That's it. He's a wonderful actor, and I love to watch him in anything he does. I don't think I'd do him, cuz appealing or not, he's still old enough to be my dad, and not particularly my type, but other than that.. What's not to love?

Then, if nothing else..even if the movie was an absolute crapfest in and of itself (which it soooo was not) I would watch it repeatedly until I wore it out for one reason.. this guy
. I looooove me some Keanu. OMG, he's hot. Of all the things that make my girly parts all squishy, he's one of the biggies. yuuuuuumm. Those eyes.. that smile.. that voice.. that hair.. that ass... oh Lordy, Lordy I'm all on fire just thinkin' about it.

He's right up there with guys that look like this guy..
This guy is so young, I should be arrested for even drooling over him, but I just can't help myself. Unfortunately, he's not in the movie.. I just like to look at him. Keanu, on the other hand, is in the movie, and is fair game. I'd watch him in anything.. or nothing.

There's also Amanda Peet

I haven't seen many things she's been in, but I loved her in "Saving Silverman" and "The Whole Nine Yards", and she's a great actress, very cute, and was great in this movie too as Erica's daughter Marin. I didn't see much chemistry between her and Jack, personally, but I guess that's probably intentional, because if there was a genuine "thing" between the two of them, it might make it kinda hard to turn around and have him kinda dump her for her mom. Kinda creepy to date someone who has dated your mom, but I guess since they never had sex it's not too bad. Nevertheless, she's adorable and very likeable.

So, for those who haven't seen the movie, here's the story:
Harry (Jack Nicholson) and his much younger girlfriend Marin (Amanda Peet) plan to spend a romantic weekend at Marin's family home in the Hamptons for their first official humpfest. . But their plans go awry when Marin's mother Erica (Diane Keaton) and her aunt Zoe (Frances McDormand) show up unexpectedly. The couple is further foiled when Harry has a heart attack in Marin's arms. As Harry is unfit to travel, Erica reluctantly allows him to stay in her home while he recuperates. Erica, is an accomplished playwright and 50-something divorcee, rather uptight and used to being alone. She has convinced herself she doesn't need men. The men her age, aren't interested in dating women her age, they all date younger women, a theory confirmed by the relationship between Harry and her 20-sunthin' year old daughter. Harry, is an aging confirmed bachelor who has always confined his romantic aspirations to women half Erica's age. At the start, these two find themselves both attracted to and repulsed by one another, and as it progresses, they find that there is an unexpected spark..which turns, of course, to love. Of course, it's not that simple, and there are some plot twists which end up with Harry dating other "younger" women again, and Erica finding a little comfort for her broken heart in the strong and willing arms of the hot, young stud, 36 year old Dr. Hottie..errr Julian (squish, squish).

The comedy and romance in "Something's Gotta Give" are, of course, derived from the notion that women of a certain age have a terrible time finding suitable men because the desirable men in that demographic date much-younger women. This fact disgusts Erica, and she reconciles herself to the fact that she's not likely ever to find love again, and occupies herself with learning French, writing, and decorating her home, and wearing turtlenecks..ick. But, enter Keanu as Harry's doctor, Dr. Julian (ever so hot) Mercer. Rowr!! A big fan of Erica's plays, he is attracted to her instantly, and pursues her. I think younger guys who appreciate an older woman is very sexy, and he certainly does appreciate her. Their relationship turns the tables on the older man, younger woman scenario, and is fun to watch. Though we don't get to see him naked.. a big minus..but he's still looking good even in his clothes. Their relationship also provides an obstacle for Erica and Harry to work through, before they can finally end up doing the "Happily Ever After" thing.

Harry (jack) at one point admits, after catching Erica (Diane) naked in her bedroom, that he'd never seen a woman that age..a woman his age naked before. He makes up for that, and it's one of the best scenes in the movie. The scenes leading up their first "big bang" are great. So funny, when she rips off his blood pressure cuff (don't ask!) and yells whoa baby! Its been a long time since I've been in "that place" personally..at that moment in a relationship where you know it's gonna happen, you're going to be having sex that night..or day, whatever, and the anticipation and heat that builds. That when? where? how? will it be good? Who cares, as long as you do me! God, I want you now! Yeah.. I miss that! Diane Keaton not only gets to play that moment with Jack Nicholson..she gets to have it again with my man! Da bitch! Who says older people can't be sexy.? These two prove that they really, really can. All-in-all a great movie, I plan to watch it a lot more times. If you haven't seen it, you should, it's funny, sexy, and fun to watch.

Blog Filler

I ain't got time to write an actual post this morning so I'm leaving you with a Today In History post to entertain yourself with until I have time to come up with something on my own.

Today's Highlight in History:

On April 14, 1865, President Lincoln was shot and mortally wounded by John Wilkes Booth while attending the comedy "Our American Cousin" at Ford's Theater in Washington. (Lincoln died the following morning.)

On this date:

In 1759, composer George Frideric Handel died in London.

In 1775, the first American society for the abolition of slavery was organized by Benjamin Franklin and Benjamin Rush.

In 1828, the first edition of Noah Webster's "American Dictionary of the English Language" was published.

In 1902, James Cash Penney opened his first store, called "The Golden Rule," in Kemmerer, Wyo.

In 1904, British actor Sir John Gielgud was born in London.

In 1912, the British liner Titanic collided with an iceberg in the North Atlantic and began sinking.

In 1931, King Alfonso XIII of Spain went into exile, and the Spanish Republic was proclaimed.

In 1939, the John Steinbeck novel "The Grapes of Wrath" was first published.

In 1981, the first test flight of America's first operational space shuttle, the Columbia, ended successfully with a landing at Edwards Air Force Base in California.

In 1986, Americans got first word of a U.S. air raid on Libya (because of the time difference, it was the early morning of April 15 where the attack occurred.)

Ten years ago: Two American F-15 warplanes inadvertently shot down two U.S. helicopters over northern Iraq, killing 26 people, including 15 Americans. The chiefs of the nation's seven largest tobacco companies spent more than six hours being grilled by the House Energy and Commerce health subcommittee about the effects of smoking.

Five years ago: Independent Counsel Kenneth Starr told Congress the Watergate-era law that gave him the power to probe actions of executive branch officials was flawed and should be abolished. NATO mistakenly bombed a convoy of ethnic Albanian refugees; Yugoslav officials said 75 people were killed. British entertainer Anthony Newley died in Jensen Beach, Fla., at age 67.

One year ago: Saddam Hussein's hometown of Tikrit fell with unexpectedly light resistance, the last Iraqi city to succumb to overpowering U.S.-led ground and air forces. U.S. commandos in Baghdad captured Abul Abbas, leader of the Palestinian group that killed an American on the hijacked cruise liner "Achille Lauro" in 1985. (Abbas died last month while in U.S. custody.) Four Islamic militants were convicted in a deadly bombing outside the U.S. Consulate in Pakistan. Assailants armed with an AK-47 assault rifle and a handgun opened fire at John McDonogh High School in New Orleans, killing one youth and wounding three others.

Today's Birthdays: Actor Bradford Dillman is 74. Actor Jay Robinson is 74. Country singer Loretta Lynn is 69. Actress Julie Christie is 64. Former baseball player Pete Rose is 63. Rock musician Ritchie Blackmore is 59. Actor John Shea is 55. Actor Brad Garrett is 44. Actor Robert Carlyle is 43. Rock singer-musician John Bell (Widespread Panic) is 42. Rock musician Barrett Martin is 37. Actor Anthony Michael Hall is 36. Actor Adrien Brody is 31. Rapper DaBrat is 30. Actress Sarah Michelle Gellar is 27. Actress Vivien Cardone is 11.

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

Ya know what? I figured out this really amazing thing this weekend. Are ya ready for this one? Are ya? Hold on to something, cuz ya won't believe this!

If you spend a couple hours cleaning your house, get it really nice and all spic and span, and then every day just pick up stuff that falls on the floor, put the clothes in the hamper, instead of the corner of the room, do your dishes before the pile in the sink reaches the ceiling, and maybe run the vacuum every two or three days.. your house will be..are you ready for this? Clean!! It will be clean, without spending an hour or two ..or three..trying to pick up, sort, wash, and put away or throw away the clutter and mess that you are left with if you don't do these things. In like 10 minutes a day..it's amazing! You heard it here first, kids.

Happy Tuesday

There's nothing much going on around here today. I talked to mom, and she told me that her friend's daughter wants to know if I'll train her to do transcription after Jenny's done training. I'm not sure if I want to do it, I'd have to talk to her and maybe have her come over and "test" for me, so I can try to guage how much work would be involved in training her. As long as she's got some basics in place already, and I don't have to train her from the ground up, I wouldn't mind training her. I don't mind training Jen, except I don't like the schedule we're on, and it's the only one we can do. Mom's friend isn't married and has no kids, so her schedule should be more flexible. If I can't do it just 3 days a week, and start after 1:00 in the afternoon, I ain't doin' it. It's not like I'd be really getting paid for it. I would be, in a sense, just like with Jen, cuz they train on my system, on actual jobs, and I get paid for the lines. But the number of lines they do isn't substantial, at least for the first few months. Plus, if I typed the same number of hours I spend with training, I'd get three times the number of lines done. With Jen, to add insult to injury, I pay her half my line rate. She's getting paid for me to train her! That's the deal she had with Brenda, so I agreed to it, not knowing what was going to be involved, but I won't do it again. I like Jen, and she helps me out, and I know she really needs the cash, so I don't have a problem with it, but in the future there will be no paying the trainees. I will get paid a little bit eventually, cuz when she is done training she'll apply at my company, and they pay a $600 referral bonus. Not too shabby! This new girl is living in my house, as it turns out. She bought the house I moved out of, after Princess Fatass and Cheryl got kicked out of it. Mom says she's a nice girl, and I know her mom, and she's really, really sweet, so I'm sure we'd get along. She's allergic to animals, I think, so I don't know what she's going to do being here all day with mine. Take lots of pills and stuff, I guess. My sister said she would like to learn too, but her problem is finding time to come do it. I told her take a terminology class, and I'd train her, but she works at the post office all day, then she does the soccer mom thing, and goes to church and stuff. She's busy all the time. She's just looking for something to do part time to make some extra cash, she's not looking to quit the PO, so she's in no big hurry to learn. She's been at the PO for a thousand years..or there abouts, and she started after she got out of the Navy, so she started with her Navy years included..she won't be quitting the PO in this lifetime, I don't think.
I need to go to the store today, at some point, but I really don't want to. Although, there is probably still an assload of half priced Easter candy leftovers, just sitting there waiting for me..hmmmm How many points or carbs are in 500 Cadbury eggs??? Cadbury eggs mmmmmmmm

Sunday, April 11, 2004

Easter Shmeester..Happy Sunday Morning.

Okay, I've resigned myself to the fact that there isn't gonna be any candy this morning, so Easter Sunday or no, I'm into my usual Sunday morning routine. The dogs have been out to potty twice, I'm sitting at my puter working **cough** and watching my usual Sunday morning shows. First, we start out with two back-to-back Ally McBeal reruns. I love Ally McBeal. I started watching halfway through the first season and watched religiously every show for a few seasons, but then I stopped watching for some reason. I missed all the Robert Downey Jr. eps. I missed the Billy dies episode. I missed a lot of great stuff, and now I get to catch up every Sunday morning from 7:00 to 9:00 a.m. I love the weird stuff that goes on, the dancing baby and all that. I really look forward to getting to see the stuff I missed now. Sad, ain't it! Then, it's two back-to-back episodes of 90210 reruns. I missed the last couple seasons of that show, too. It just finished up the end of series, and has looped back to the beginning again. Wow! What a shocker to see how young all of them were. Dang, that shit makes ya feel old to realize how long ago this show started, and how long it's been off the air, and that I was already 24 when it started. Yikes! 19-freakin'-90, people! That's the year it started, and it ended ten full years later..10 years. That means, if you do the math (I can count, I know, shocker!) this show has been around for 14 years. The "kids" on this show are in their 30's. Maybe even close to..or over..40. Scary! What's even scarier is that means that I'M close to 40 too! Shit! How did that happen?

Being that it's Easter Sunday, we'll be going to my sistah's house for Easter dinner, though I'm not sure what we're having. I don't think it's gonna be ham, cuz her oven bought the farm this week, and I don't know if she's had a chance to get a new one or not, but it would be nice if it was ham. I could go for some, really. If not, it will probably be steak or chicken on the grill, which works too. Free food is my friend! Yummm. Speaking of food, I'm pretty dang hungry right now, I think I'm gonna go rustle up some eggs in a minute.

We ended up at IHOP last night for dinner, and I had strawberry pancakes and scrambled eggs..I haven't had strawberry pancakes in a long time, they were really good. Cover it in whipped cream, and I'll eat just about anything. Speaking of eating, I started taking those Zantrex 3 pills the other day. I'm not taking them so much for weight loss purposes, cuz I know better than to think diet pills are the way to lose weight, but more for the energy boost. I decided I needed a little energy boost to get me off my ass and help me get moving, and to help me stay awake at night while I work. I guess I shouldn't be taking them, but I figured I'd give it a try for a little while. The thing is, that they do give me energy and help me stay awake.. a lot! They're kinda messing up my sleeping. I don't sleep very soundly if I take them too close to the time I decide to lay down, and then I don't get rested, so I'm tired and need to take some pills to stay awake. yeah, it's one of those "vicious circle" ordeals. The thing is, I don't see how they are a "diet" pill, cuz damn they make me really hungry! I get hungry to the point where I need to eat right away.. desperately..but then it doesnt take much to fill me up and they make me not "feel like" eating. It's strange to feel like you're starving to death, but not want to eat anything. Nothing looks or sounds good, particularly, but ya have to eat something cuz yer starving. I guess I'll have to stop taking them, but it was worth a try.

WTF?

It's Easter morning..where's my CANDY!? I woke up, crawled outta bed, hurried to the potty, then tiptoed into the living room in jammies, all ready for some marshmallow peeps, jelly beans, Cadbury eggs, chocolate-shaped bunnies filled with chocolate marshmallow stuff..and, of course, my huge-ass solid chocolate bunny with the candy eyes, in a big plastic basket, lying on a bed of plastic green Easter grass. ::searches:: wtf? Oh yeah! I'm not 7 anymore dammit! I don't think it's fair that the Easter bunny stops coming just cuz you grow up and move out of your mom's house. There's not even any brightly colored hard boiled eggs in my fridge. It's just not right ::shaking head::: The good news, though? Tomorrow is half-priced Easter candy leftover day.. WOOT!

Personally..

I think people who perpetrate or promote violence against other human beings or cute, helpless, little animals should be shot...or hung by the balls and kicked in the face...or smashed on the head with a rock..

Saturday, April 10, 2004

I Don't THINK So!

I'm basically a pretty generous person. At least I think I am. I try to be. I support J so he can go to school, I let Princess Fatass live with me for 10 months without paying rent and didn't throw her out on the street like I should have. I took in J's nephew, Eric, for over a year and supported him completely, with no help from J or the child's mother. Though his grandmother did buy him clothes and stuff occasionally, and would sometimes take him on the weekends. Otherwise, it was all me. I give stuff to people all the time. If I go out with friends, I often offer to pick up the check, especially if they have done something for me recently that helped me out. I buy rounds at the bar for my friends sometimes. But, there's one situation where I get stingy. No, you can't borrow my CDs or my movies!! No..no freakin' way.. nuh uh..step. away. from. the DVDs! (and hands off my computer, but thats more of a privacy/work safeguard thing) I used to be generous with those as well, but almost without fail, anytime I have lent one out, it either comes back scratched, the VCR accidentally eats it, the cover is mangled, or spilled on, or it just doesn't ever come back at all. I've lost probably 30 to 40 videos and probably as many CDs to borrower trauma. Stick a fork in me, my lender days are done. I have such bad luck with my videos, etc that just before I moved to this house, I had a pile of about 10 DVDs on my TV stand, I went to sleep and they were in a nice, neat pile, and I woke up and the pile was now split in two and two of my DVDs were gone..GONE! J and John were both in the house, but neither of them had the first clue where they had gone to. Some fiendish DVD stealing ghost floated into my room as I slept and helped themselves to Bruce Almighty and my Xmen2 DVDs. They are still gone without a trace, and noone has a clue what happened to them. Now, I have a theory that involves one or two guys with a lack of cash and a mad cigarette or gas money deficit who thought I wouldn't notice they went missing. They are probably at one of their friend's houses or in a pawn shop somewhere. I went ballistic, of course, and told them one or both of them better come up with the cash to replace them. I don't care where they went, I just want them replaced. I'm still waiting, and I will get them back, rest assured. But, today, J came in here and started rifling through my pile of DVDs, reading off the titles of what I have to his friend, Mike, on the phone. He was offering to lend him some of my movies! Why? I couldn't begin to imagine what would make him think he had the right to offer my possessions to his friend without asking, or why he thought I'd agree, but there he was. I have about 40 or so DVDs now and I just bought Gothika for him, though I haven't watched it yet, and he offered to let Mike borrow that one. Okay, that's fine, he can lend his. I don't care if I sound like a cheap DVD-hoarding maniac, I told him to get his paws off my DVDs ..get the hell out of my room..he isn't lending my stuff to anyone. Loudly. Embarrassingly loud enough for his friend to hear me going off on him. Now, J isn't very happy with me, because he assures me that Mike wouldn't steal or ruin my stuff, and he probably wouldn't. Mike's a decent guy, and I think he does take care of his stuff. I'm sure it would be fine, and they'd come back in the same condition they left in. I'm just not willing to take the chance on being wrong. I love my movies and my music, and I buy them based on the fact that I like them and want to continue to be able to watch or listen to them for a long time, so it really, really irks me when something I've already bought once has to be replaced due to some idiot I was dumb enough to trust with my precious videos. Yes, they are my precious and I wants them. I feel bad cuz now I'm sure Mike thinks I'm some petty, selfish, freak, and that I don't trust him, and J thinks I'm just plain mean..but that's okay, cuz I may be a petty, selfish, DVD-hoarding, meany freak, but I still have all my videos!

Update and Stuff...

I've been sorta busy the last few days, with not much time to post. Sorry about that. I even missed Buzz's Blog it Forward the other day, and I may have to do a late edition a little later, if I get a chance. Between working and training and just the regular day to day crap, I haven't had much time to much of anything. Plus, it doesn't help that J is out of work until June or until he finds another temporary job, whichever comes first. He stresses me. Thursday, I ended up having to drive out to BFE with Jenny to deliver a dog to my friend Brenda's house. It's about an hour's drive from here, so we didn't do any training that day, but I wasn't in the mood anyway. Not that I ever am recently. It wouldn't be so bad if we could do it later in the day, like say 1:00 til 5:00, instead of 9:00 to 2:00, but Jenny has to pick up the kids by 2:30, so that isn't an option. If she ends up moving next door to me instead of out near Brenda, we'll be changing the hours. The kids get the bus right in front of my house, so she wouldn't need to be go get them, and they could just come to my house off the bus. Then I'd be able to sleep.. I loooove me some sleep. I haven't slept yet, cuz I worked all night, but I do have big plans for sleeping real soon. Actually, if you want to be honest, I pretended to work all night while I really surfed and played on Ebay, but no need to get technical. I figure once I finish this post, I'll hop in the shower and then lay down for an hour or two, then get up, run out to get something to eat..cuz I'm too lazy to cook..and then come back and work the rest of the night. That's the plan anyway.

So, anyway, about the dog. It was given to John's girlfriend/? exgirlfriend, by a friend and her parental units said she couldn't keep it, so she left it at John's. Bright move, considering it was a 6 month old black german shepard who was used to being outside (not at all housebroken) and he leaves at the ass-crack of dawn to get to school/work and comes back at Gawd o'clock in the evening. Which means the poor thing was locked up in his bathroom alone all day. Most likely howling. He said she would get up and sit in the sink and howl at herself in the mirror, and she got into his medicine cabinet and ate his toothpaste and toothbrush, and she was decorating his house in doggy doo-doo. Duh! Why don't you try being 6 months old and kept confined in a small room for up to 12+ hours a day and not making a mess or two. Assholes! So, anyway, his landlord said it had to go by Friday, or he was throwing him out, and he was going to let it loose to fend for itself if he didn't find someone to take it. J wanted to keep it, and I really would have loved to take her, but I really, really didn't need another dog right at the moment. Especially one that isn't housebroken at all. She was pretty, though. She's very sweet. Unfortunately, there's barely enough room in my bed for me now, one more dog in there and I'll be sleeping on the floor. Brenda, as it turns out, knows someone who had a male black shepard, and he said if she took Roxy from us, he would give her his male so she could breed them, and he would take a puppy from her. He wants a watch dog and his male isn't watch dog material, and is more likely to love a burgler to death than try to eat him. Roxy is the same way, so I dont know that two calm, loving dogs are likely to produce one with the proper killer instinct, but ya never know. So now Brenda has two black shepards, and two harlequin great danes to make lots of babies for her. Now, Amanda is pissed cuz John gave the dog away and said she wants it back, but she shoulda come and got it when she was told to, and she wouldn't have these problems. I don't know what she expected him to do with it..or where she thinks she was going to keep it since her parents said it couldn't stay there, but she'll get over it. Now, the dog has other dogs to play with and 22 acres of land to run on..I'm sure it will be far happier where it is.

Yesterday i was pretty busy doing the cleaning thing. I cleaned the entire house. I did half the kitchen, the living room, my room, and the bathroom..on my hands and knees cleaning the floor no less..and I got J to do the rest of the kitchen and wash the kitchen floor for me. I had to do him, but it was worth it to get him to clean for me.

Tomorrow, we're going to my sister's for an Easter dinner type thing, and that should be fun. Any excuse for a free meal works for me. Now, I'm going to get in the shower and start working that nap I have planned.

Happy Happy Joy Joy

Okay, it doesn't take much to make me happy, I know. Really, you would think something spectacular had happened, when really all that happened was I finally got the new keyboard I ordered today. It took forever to get here and was wrapped in a rather slipshod fashion, covered all over in a criss cross pattern of blue priority mail tape, and I had just about given up hope of it ever getting here, but here it is! So, in celebration, I decided to treat you all to an actual post. I ripped it out of its box immediately, and plugged that sucker in..chucking the POS keyboard I've been using since the unfortunate "Keyboard Drowns in a Puddle of Lemonade" fiasco, and now I can type away to my hearts content. Fingers flying deftly over the nice, new (to me) keys. This baby has a nice light touch to it, let me tell ya. I'm typing at lightning speed now..there's no stopping me. Ya see, some people may not notice, and may not care about what kind of keyboard they have. As long as they can sit down, put their little fingers on the keys, and produce words, they're happy as clams. I, on the other hand, am not that type of person. It's not because I'm anal or even picky, really. It's just that when you type for a living, and the size of your paycheck depends on your production, and production naturally increases the faster you type. if you get a keyboard that is poorly designed, small and/or cramped, and if the keys don't have a "light touch", and you have to hit them with a bit of force, instead of lightly tapping them while your fingers fly, it deeply impacts not only your speed, but your ability to type with any kind of speed and effectiveness. Plus, your fingers and/or wrists get sore if you go for long periods without taking breaks, because of the need to really hit the keys. So, I have been a not very happy camper this past week or so waiting on the arrival of this keyboard. I could have gone to Walmart, paid some more money, and got a sufficient keyboard that would have been usable, but I didn't want to put out the money on a temporary one, when I knew I had a great one on its way. There is a certain type of keyboard that me and several of my MT friends swear by, and I haven't had one in a while, but I finally broke down and ordered one this time. The only company I know of that makes the right type, though I'm sure there may be more of them, is a company called Keytronic. I don't even know if they still make them, or if one day they will be extinct and I'll never be able to find another one, maybe I should stock up! They are basically pretty large, and tend to have a larger than average enter key and space bar, and they are typically only found in places like flea markets, thrift stores, and Ebay..cuz they're old. Most of them are not PS2, and you need a keyboard adapter to use them. But, the keys are arranged in a way that is compatible with being able to easily hit them quickly on the fly, and they tend to have a very, very "light touch", so that your fingers can just barely touch a key and just zoom along at lightning speed. Yeah, it doesn't take much.. but I'm happy for the moment.

Update: I did a search, and it appears they do still make them, and the newer ones look to have the same type of design as the older ones, and are PS2. Now, I may have to order one of the newer types to see if they have the same kind of touch to them.

Friday, April 09, 2004

Subservient Chicken ..Ha Ha Too Funny

Proudly stolen from Mikey

Subservient Chicken

You can make the chicken do stuff, too. I made it sit on the couch, stand on the couch, touch its toes, salsa dance, cha cha, pick its nose, smack himself.. it was lots of fun.

Thursday, April 08, 2004

Movie Quotes For Today

Here's two of the best quotes from one of my favorite movies "Parenthood".

Julie: I wouldn't live with you if the world were flooded with piss and you lived in a tree!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tod: You know, Mrs. Buchman, you need a license to buy a dog, to drive a car - hell, you even need a license to catch a fish. But they'll let any butt-reaming asshole be a father.

Wednesday, April 07, 2004

Funny Money

THE $95,093.35 CHECK

On a whim, Patrick Combs deposited into his bank's ATM machine
one of those "fake" checks you get in a junk mail letter, never
expecting it to get cashed. But, to his surprise, they did cash
it. That was only the beginning of his fascinating true story.
Hear his amazing saga from beginning to end.


Why didn't I think of that!!

Quote For Today

"I wouldn't call it lying. It's more like folklore.. like the female clitoris"

Finch, on Just Shoot Me
I just got back from Wally World..again. I didn't even get paid yet, and half my check is spent. LOL I had to buy a new vacuum cleaner cuz mine shit the bed the other day. So now I have a Dirt Devil Vision. It's bagless yeah!! It works really good, and since J always wants to play with new toys, he vacuumed all the floors before he went to school today..bonus! I also got some dog food and cat food and 4 new DVDs, and a few odds and ends. I was there 35 minutes and spent $200. pffffft On a good note..or kinda good note.. there is a very real possibility that within the next two or three months training may be done, and Jenny will be going back to train with Brenda. She'll be moving out to Starke and buying a trailer. She's going to park it on Brenda's land, cuz she has 22 acres out there. It kinda sucks, cuz I really like Jenny and I'll miss her coming to visit me, and she'll be so far out in the middle of nowhere I'll probably never see her, but I really need my sleep. I also have some stuff I'd like to be doing during the day, and I don't have time to do them if I gotta do training. I really don't mind the training itself, and I'd keep on doing it until she gets completely trained, if need be, but it just takes a big chunk of my day. Today, I'm really tired, but I'm gonna work a little bit more before I lay down and take a nap. I didn't get a whole lot done last night, cuz J and I had a pretty big blow out, and he had me so pissed off I couldn't concentrate so I said screw it and went to bed by 11:30. I'm thinking I may be in bed again early tonight too, cuz I'm dead freakin' tired.

I Got Nothin'

::yaaaawn::: G'mornin. It's too early in the morning to form coherent thought, but I'm trying to get an earlier start on my day, in the hopes that I'll get caught up on my work. I don't think I thought this through very well. I'm very tired, and my bed is looking might comfy. Plus, it's kinda hard to type because Elmo has decided that this is kitty love time, and he's curled up in my arms..which makes it difficult to type. Oh well, I guess I'll go find something with caffeine in it and try to wake my dead ass up so I can get some work done.

Tuesday, April 06, 2004

New Toy Problems

I'm kinda irked with my new phone at the moment. I got this phone because the phone I had wasn't capable to use with T-zones.. I have T-mobile, for those who don't know what a T-zone is, and it allows you to download cool ring tones and games and stuff. Before I purchased the phone, I called T-mobile and asked them if it was T-zone compatable and they said yeah, it was. Then I went to the the website and found the blurb on the phone, and it says it is T-zone compatible. Then.. I get the dang phone, and get all giddy, and go to the website to start downloading stuff..and when I change the settings to my new phone, it says it's not T-zone capable. Arrrrrgh! what's up with that!! It has a T-zones area in the phones settings, so it obviously has the setup for it. I don't get it. Now, I'll have to call Tmobile and spend time trying to figure out what the phuque is up with this. If they don't have a solution, then I'll have to either deal with it and live without the T-zones..waaahhh..or buy another new phone. pffffffffft

Damn the DST..

I'm slowly recovering from the whole Daylight Savings Time thing. You wouldn't think one measly hour would matter all that much in the course of your day, but dang it, it really does. Losing that one hour of sleep really messes me up. I guess it's because your body feels like it usually feels at a certain time during the day, and yet when you look at the clock it's actually a whole hour later than it "should be". So you don't just lose that one hour at the actual time of the changing, you lose hours here and there all the time until you adjust to the change and stop thinking it's 6:00 when it's really 7:00. This is especially prone to happening when, say, you forgot to turn your kitchen clock ahead, and you wake up at 5:00 in the afternoon, thinking that it's actually 5:00, and that you've only napped 1-1/2 hours, but then you sit down and turn on the T.V. and see Friends is on, and realize that it's really 6:00..and you've slept 2-1/2 hours..there goes another dang hour I just lost!! Damn the DST! I have a love-hate relationship with DST. On the one hand, I love the fact that it stays lighter later in the day, cuz I love the sun being out. Going outside at 7:00 p.m. and having it just beginning to be dark out is great. It kinda reminds of being a kid, and being happy that the sun was out later cuz we had to be in when the street lights came on. As soon as that started happening, you knew it was ::this:: close to being summer, and pretty soon we'd be uncovering the pool and it would be warm enough to swim and stuff...and school was that much closer to being done. The excitement is somewhat diminished now, since I no longer get the summer off and I don't own a pool..yet..but the feeling is still there. But.. on the other hand..I hate giving up my hour. After 37 years, you'd think I'd be used to it by now.

Monday, April 05, 2004

My New Phone

Got me a new cell phone today. It's a Sony Ericsson T68i... ain't it purty!!

Wow, that was a quick weekend. Where the heck did it go? I want a re-do.

Alrighty then!

This is kinda disturbing..how the hell did they get here with a search like this???

forcing+granny+to+fuck+she+looks+so+good+standing+
at+the+stove+i+had+to+play+with+a+tittie

Sunday, April 04, 2004

Movie Quote For Today


Daisy: You're just jealous, Lisa, that I got better, that I was released, that I have a chance at a life.
Lisa: They didn't release you 'cause you're better, Daisy, they just gave up. You call this a life? Taking Daddy's money, buying your dollies and knick-knacks. Eating his fucking chicken, fattening up like a prize fucking heifer. You changed the scenery, but not the fucking situation. And the warden makes house calls. And everybody knows, everybody knows, that he fucks you. What they don't know is that you like it. Huh? You like it!

From Girl, Interrupted

This is just not right! All day yesterday, I was so tired it was all I could do to keep my eyes open. I took a nap in the middle of the afternoon, and I was still really, really sleepy. I started working last night about 9ish, and I worked off and on through the night, in between playing on the internet, blogging, and doing random other things, and now that I'm almost done working...and it's 6:30 a.m. thanks to the time change..I'm wide a-freaking-wake. Not at all tired. Bright-eyed and bushy tailed. Something just ain't right with me.
Man! I don't know what's up with pictures not wanting to show up here lately! My Exotic Dancer Barbie pic isn't showing up, and I can't figure out what's wrong with it.

Speaking of exotic dancers.. why are guys so retarded that they go to titty bars? Really..think about it. I have a friend whose ex-boyfriend would go every Friday after he got paid to the strip club and sit there until the place closed. Why??? First of all, they usually charge a cover, then they charge you double what you pay in any other place for watered down drinks, or drinks in such small cups that it's pathetic. Then, guys who work all week, busting their humps for their pay checks will sit there, gawking at the nekkid girlies, and stuffing their hard earned cash into their G-strings. Gary, the ex-boyfriend, would go home practically broke every Friday, cuz he handed these girlies his cash. The girlies are just working them for the money, and probably laughing at how pathetic they are, then they go home to their boyfriends, hubbies, or ..more likely..girlfriends, and the poor guys who shelled out all the cash go home alone and either take matters into their own hands, or try to get their wife or girlfriend to give it up. They, most likely, tell them to go screw, if they know where they'd been, so they could have invested the cash and their hard earned money in treating their woman well, and would probably get done very well. Instead, all they are is broke, without sex, and didn't even get to touch the nekkid stripper girlies. Most of the strippers I've seen aren't even all that attractive. They're average looking, though some have good bodies or really big tatas, but other than that, I wouldn't pay to see them naked if I was a guy. I just dont' get it. Some guys aint all that bright!
Exotic Dancer
You're Exotic Dancer Barbie. You have some moves,
and will do anything for a few bucks. Take it
off girl, but keep it PG-13 please.


If You Were A Barbie, Which Messed Up Version Would You Be?
brought to you by Quizilla

Saturday, April 03, 2004

Tuesday Was Chooseday

Yeah, I'm late as usual!

tuesday is chooseday



    Would you rather:
  1. Find out your best friend is selling secrets to terrorists OR find out they download child pornography?
  2. I'd rather the porn thing I think. Though I doubt she's likely to do either of these things, the terrorist secret selling could hurt the whole country, whereas the porn thing, though disgusting, would just be in really bad taste.
  3. pluck out all your nose hairs with tweezers OR shave (face or legs) with an old, rusty blade?
  4. I have far less hairs in my nose than on my legs...hand me the tweezers.
  5. the official language of the united nations become klingon OR esperanto?
  6. I'd say Klingon.
  7. have a very "energetic" orgasm every time you sneeze OR fart loudly every time you have an orgasm?
  8. I'd choose the energetic orgasm..and could ya pass the pepper!

Who's Yo Daddy?

When applying for aid in England, women are required to name the father in order to collect the cash. Here are some of the actual replies that British women have put on Child Support Agency forms in the section for listing the father's details:



01. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A was fathered by Jim Munson. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night.

02. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.

03. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party at 3600 Grand Avenue where I had unprotected sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father can you send me his phone number? Thanks.

04. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced.

05. I have never had sex with a man. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was immaculate and that he is Christ risen again.

06. I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the British economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country. Please advise.

07. I do not know who the father of my child was as all squaddies look the same to me. I can confirm that he was a Royal Green Jacket.

08. Peter Smith is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs?

09. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at EuroDisney - maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom.

10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the evening. If I'd have stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at 146 Miller Drive, mine might have remained unfertilised.

11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart.

I. NEED. CAFFEINE!!!

I'm sooo tired, all I want to do is lay down and take a nap, but I really, really need to get my ass to work. I haven't done hardly any work in three days. I've just been busy and stuff. Today I worked some, but then J came home and said he wanted to go to the drive-in with his friend's Mike and Christina. They want to go see Scooby Doo 2. So, I stopped working, hopped in the shower, and we drove all the way to the other side of town to meet them, but they didn't show up until 7:00..which is when the movie started. They said they were planning on going to the 10:30 show..but they didn't clarify that to J. There was no way I could go then, since I'd already not been working since 5:30, and had planned to be home by 10:00ish to get back to work. If I knew they wanted to go to the later one, I coulda worked til 9:00 or so, then went to the movie, and then came back after to finish work, but I couldnt stay off work all the way from 5:30 until 1:00, which is how long it will probably be before he gets home. C'est la vie.. I had J bring me home, and they picked him up here and took him with them. So, I don't get to see the movie, but I do get a nice peaceful, quiet house. Now, I just need to find the motivation to get my ass to work. You'd think the bigger bonus they put out this weekend would be enough..but apparently it's not. I have to call Lisa in Massachusetts tomorrow and tell her I won't be coming home next weekend for Stephanie's sweet 16 party. She'll be bummed, but I just can't do it. My sister laughs at me when I say "home" when talking about Mass, because I've been here for 9 years. She says this is home. I grew up there, it's where I'm from, and as long as I still have family and connections there, it will still be home. I wonder what my life would be like if I had stayed up there. I'd be working from home still, so the job aspect wouldnt be any different, but I'd probably be hanging out at Lisa's every day, and partying more. They always have something going on. They go camping and have big barbecues. Practically every weekend they have a bunch of people just hanging out at the house, drinking, and eating until they burst. My life would definitely be more active, and I'd get to see my babies...even though they aren't babies anymore. The youngest is 7 and the oldest 17. I'd get to hang out with Lisa, and I'd love that. I miss her sooo much. But, on the other hand, it's too dang cold and icky up there half the year, and I'd be miserable with that. Bottom line though, if my family wasn't down here now, cold or no cold I'd still probably be up there. To me, it doesn't matter where I live, if I didn't have my family and friends, it would be the wrong place.

In the News...

Prostitute's poor performance:

"Prostitute's poor performance provokes protest

A Romanian man lodged an official complaint with consumer protection officials after accusing a prostitute of 'not doing her best'.
Adrian Ionut Craciunoiu, from Gorj county, says he paid the street girl in advance but was not satisfied with the services she supplied.
He told Gazeta de Sud newspaper: 'She didn't do her best and even scratched me because she missed some of her teeth."


I guess when you pay your money, you have the right to demand acceptable service. The article says that they're not sure what to do, because prostitution is illegal there, but they're going to see what they can do. What next? Someone sells you some bad crack, you get to sue for a refund?

Friday, April 02, 2004

Ananova - 'Fat' bride-to-be given weighty ultimatum

'Fat' bride-to-be given weighty ultimatum

'Fat' bride-to-be given weighty ultimatum

A German man has given his 14-stone girlfriend an unusual marriage proposal after telling her he is only prepared to marry 10 stones of her.

Rolf Schmidt, 38, says he will only marry Isabel Witte if she loses four stone, and manages to fit into her old jeans, a size 32. She is currently a size 42



I think, if my boyfriend told me he'd only marry me if I got down to a certain weight, I'd tell him to bite my fat ass! What would he do if, after she loses all the weight, and they get married, she gains it back? Will he threaten to divorce her, or actually do it, unless she loses it again? Doesn't sound like anyone I'd want to marry! But, that's just me...

Guess what's In My Head...

Ya know what song has been in my head non-freaking-stop for the past three days. Guess! c'mon guess! It's the K9 Advantix commercial jingle. The one with the puppy at camp.. yeah, that one! I think that commercial is so cute..and now the song is stuck in my head with no signs of going away. So, I decided I'd share the fun with all of you. C'mon..ya know ya want to..

Sing it with me::: Hello mother, hello father, fleas, ticks, mosquitos, really bother. Thanks for the package, that's why I'm writing. K9 Advantix really stops all the biting. Swimming, hiking, and tent pitching. They're not biting, I'm not itching. Can't wait to show you..all my new tricks. Thanks again for sending me K9 Advantix:::::

The Top 13 Signs You're Going To Spend The Rest Of Your Life

Courtesy of Topfive.com

13. The last time *you* got a piece of ass was due to some
sub-standard toilet paper.

12. Instead of "Occupant", your junk mail is addressed to
"Loser."

11. It may be an attention-getter, but no guy wants a
girlfriend who looks exactly like Dustin Hoffman.

10. Snatching a grape off a block of ice with your buttcheeks
may have had the whole frat house laughing back in college,
but it doesn't seem to be much of a hit with your date here
at Starbucks.

9. You're ALREADY in line for "Star Wars Episode 1: The
Phantom Menace."

8. Your HMO has ruled your vasectomy falls under the category
of "unnecessary surgery."

7. Three words: rm weiner tattoo

6. Numbers 12 through 9 on this list made you sigh, number 8
made your eye twitch, and now you're bawling like crazy.

5. You know that 1% of men for whom Viagra *doesn't* work?
Bingo.

4. Nights are so lonely that you watch "Nightline" in hopes
of catching a wisp of Madeline Albright's thigh.

3. Even after years of therapy, you still wear your "cheese
pants" because "chicks dig 'em."

2. No woman can ever seem to make you feel as *alive* as you
felt at the TrekMania '74 convention.

1. Once you've had the President, no other man will do.

Top Ten Signs You're Not Mensa Material

10. You couldn't figure out how to break the seal on your
standardized intelligence test, so you had to give up.

9. You wonder how the deer know to cross at the deer crossing
signs.

8. You are confused by the plot twists of a Bugs Bunny cartoon.

7. You once tried to solve a Rubik's cube and had to be
institutionalized for over a year.

6. You had trouble getting in even before they saw the decimal
point in your IQ.

5. You are still struggling to finish "Shoe Laces For Dummies."

4. Your family had a celebration when you scored a "perfect
10" points on your SAT.

3. You don't watch PBS because there are no Budweiser or Taco
Bell commercials.

2. Homer Simpson is your idol.

1. That "which comes first" thing about chicken and eggs just
makes you hungry.

Checkin' In...

It's an absolutely splendiferous day. Hope everyone is enjoying it, too. It was sunny and warm, not too hot, not cold, with a nice breeze. I took the day off and slept, and sat on my porch swing watching the world go by and the puppies playing in the yard. They're so funny, I love watching them out there. They run back and forth, barking at people passing by, and chase each other around, then when they get tired they plop down in the sun and take a nap. They're very happy with their yard. Now, if I could just get Belle to keep her ass inside of it, I'd be all set. It's nice and peaceful around here since John's gone. He's very loud, and most of his favorite phrases end in the words mother f*cker. I guess he's doing okay in his new apartment, though he doesnt have any food and has to walk a few blocks over to his granny's to eat. I don't know what he'll do come Monday when he has to start back to school, and he has to take the bus every day all the way from the Westside. That's at least a 3 bus trip, he'll have to change downtown, change at the mall, and then walk about six blocks to get to the school. It'll be a 2 to 3 hour proposition both ways. Better him than me, that's all I can say. I spent part of my day in the kitchen today too. Yeah, me.. in the kitchen..voluntarily. Miracles never cease. I made a huge bowl of macaroni salad, a big bowl of tuna for me (white albacore, onions, celery, Miracle Whip), and a big bowl of tuna for him the way he likes it, a big green salad, and then a huge pan of Spanish rice for dinner. Yuuuumm. Then I cracked the Absolut and Kahlua and mixed me a little refreshment..just one, cuz alcohol puts me to sleep unless I'm active and out dancing or something, and I don't like to sit at home and drink, especially alone..I only like to party with other people and out at bars and stuff. It was pretty freakin' good though. J went to his friend, Mike's, and he's been gone a few hours, so I'm enjoying my peace and quiet, watching Freaky Friday, and relaxing in the last few hours of my relaxation time. I think I'm gonna head to bed pretty shortly, though, and catch up on some more much needed sleep. I may even take tomorrow off too!