Wednesday, April 28, 2004

The Jig is Up

Well, the shit may or may not hit the fan here soon. I phuqued up and had my blog up when J came in the room today, and he saw it and was wanting to know what it was. I told him it's my website, and closed it before he could see much. I'm not sure what it is he thinks I would do or write here, but he got all pissy because I closed it. He thinks I'm hiding something big from him now. I'm not, really. I only don't outright show him this thing because I sometimes get pissed off at him and need to rant and vent, or want to write about stuff that he would think was stupid, and he'll say its just a waste of time and that it's stupid. Anything J doesn't understand or isn't interested in falls into one of two categories...a waste of time, and totally unimportant, and/or just stupid. He thinks I'm hiding it because I'm using it as some superduper man catching tool, and I'm posting naked pictures of myself and pleas for a new man or something. It threatens him. Not that anything I would write here is any of his business, really. We've been through this before, when I used to have an online journal on my own site. He ran across that one day, and he wasn't happy because I wouldn't let him read that one either. He thinks he has the right to read it. Maybe he thinks I'm writing all about him, or ..who knows what the hell he thinks. Like if I kept an offline journal, he thinks it should be open to him to read it. I don't know what sort of dementia would make him think that, but he does. I'm not gonna start sensoring myself to please him, that's all I know. If he searches and sticks his nose where it doesn't belong, he'll just have to deal with whatever he reads when he finds it. What's he gonna do, really, bitch at me? Big Deal! I really don't care, especially now that I hear the kind of things he says to other people about me when he doesn't think I'll find out. Now, I just have to wait and see if he can find this site address or not. I certainly won't be giving it to him. I don't know if he actually knows my domain name, which really won't help him much, since this is Blogspot, but if he finds my site, he'll see that this is not actually part of it, and then he'll wonder what it was I was really hiding. I don't know if he'll be able to figure out how to Google this site to find it, which really wouldn't be hard, or how much he saw, or if he'll even bother, but we''ll soon find out. In the meantime, I guess I'll have to clear my browser history thingy often, and be doubly sure not to walk away from the puter with the blog open and stuff, and if he finds it anyway, then I'll just have to deal with it, I suppose. Or move to another site...

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