Wednesday, April 21, 2004

Some Funnies For You

Okay, well some of them aren't all that funny, but they amused me.

1. What is the leading cause of death with lesbians?
Answer: Hair balls.

2. How do you know if a blonde has been sending e-mail?
Answer: You see a bunch of envelopes stuffed into the disk drive

3. What can Life Savers do that men cannot?
Answer: Come in five flavors

4. What is good on pizza but bad on pussy?
Answer: Crust

5. Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey?
Answer: Because Kermit likes sweet and sour pork

06. How can you tell if you have a high sperm count?
Answer: If your girlfriend chews before swallowing (EWWWWWWWWW)

7. What do you get when you get Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Dough Boy together?
Answer: A red headed bitch with a yeast infection

8. How do you piss off Winnie The Pooh?
Answer: By sticking your finger in his honey

9. What is the ultimate rejection?
Answer: When your masturbating and your hand falls asleep

10. What did Bill Clinton say to Monica?
Answer: I told you to lick my erection, not wreck my election.

11. What does pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?
Answer: Both can smell it but can't eat it

12. What do you call a blonde with pigtails?
Answer: A blow job with handle bars

13. What do you call a group of blondes on roller skates?
Answer: A mobile sperm bank.

14. What do you call a blonde with a dollar bill over her head?
Answer: All you can eat for under a buck.

15. What do you get when you mix a rooster with a telephone pole?
Answer: A 30ft cock that wants to reach out and touch someone.

16. What do you call a virgin on a waterbed?
A: cherry float.

17. What did the sign on the door of the whorehouse say?
A: Beat IT - we're closed.

18. Why do walruses go to Tupperware parties?
A: To find a tight seal.

19. What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
A. Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

20. What's the difference between sin and shame?
A. It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.

21. What's the speed limit of sex?
A. 68; at 69 you have to turn around.

22. Why did Raggedy Ann get thrown out of the toy box?
A. She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face, and moaning, "Lie to me!"

23. Why is air a lot like sex?
A. Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

24. What's another name for pickled bread?
A. Dill-dough

25. Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants?
A. He heard the snow blower coming.

26. Why are Monica Lewinsky's cheeks so puffy?
A: She's withholding evidence

27. What's the difference between light and hard?
A. You can sleep with a light on.

28. Why do women rub their eyes when they get out of bed?
A. Because they don't have balls to scratch.

29. Why is sex like a bridge game?
A. You don't need a partner if you have a good hand.

30. What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common?
A. Their balls are just for decoration.

31. Why don't blind people like to sky dive?
A. Because it scares the hell out of the dog

No comments: