Thursday, June 17, 2004

Groaners

1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead
raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry,
gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

2. Did you hear that NASA recently put a bunch of Holsteins
into low earth orbit? They called it the herd shot 'round the
world.

3. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to
Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in
the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one,
naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.

4. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they
lit a fire in the craft, it sank proving once again that you
can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

5. A three legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West.
He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man
who shot my paw."

6. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain
during a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

7. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and
were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament
victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the
office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they
moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting
in an open foyer."

8. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of
them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other
goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later,
Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon
receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she
also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "They're twins!
If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

9. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so
they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since
everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival
florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked
the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back
and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival
florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug
in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and
trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up
shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that: Hugh, and
only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

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