Sunday, January 02, 2005


Since it's a brand new year, and I've got 5 seconds to myself, I figured it's time to maybe offer up a real post. You know, it's good to do it once in a while, just to keep things interesting. I hope everyone is having a great New Year, so far, mine has been pretty much uninteresting. The first day of the year, I slept most of it, and then I did something really, really exciting. Yeah, I went to the grocery store. It so much sucks to have to go to the store and want to get stuff but not be able to get it because you have to try and save your money. Grrrrrrrr. I can't wait til I get these bills caught up, cuz this two job shit and being broke all the time is really, really tiring..and it's not fun either. What a difference a year makes. At the beginning of last year, I had bills and I wasn't doing great, but I was able to pay everything and had money to at least buy whatever I liked at the grocery store..and to buy a DVD or a CD or something if I felt like it. I was doing okay. Then in the middle of the year, I was doing great. I was making lots of cash on my bonuses and stuff, my credit was looking better and better, and I was getting ready to buy the house. Then by the end of the year, just a few months later, I'm behind on everything, struggling to stay afloat, and working my ass off so I'm so tired all the time I don't have the time or energy to post a dang blog entry. It's so frustrating and depressing. I'm really stressing on J too, cuz now he's finished with school, and still has no job. He can't get one until he gets his license back,which he can't do probably until next month, because he can't afford to pay the stuff he needs to pay. So, not only is he broke, but now he's here all day, every day, eating and drinking more than usual cuz he's here all the time, and using more electricity and stuff..basically draining me more..and I'm trying not to blow up and tell him he has to leave, because I know he's trying, and I know he has no options either. At least he has been helping around the house to try and make it better. He's been cleaning and even cooking.. it's nice to have the help, but it would be nicer to have some financial help. When guys attempt to flirt with me lately, I've started to flirt back. That's not a sign that bodes well for my relationship. When I 'm in a relationship and not looking, I pretty much have tunnel vision, and I don't tend to flirt much. It's like I don't notice when guys are flirting with me unless they're really blatant about it, or someone points it out. When I start looking and noticing..and flirting's usually cuz I'm ready to find a replacement for the man of the moment. As if I need another man. That's the LAST thing I think I need. Though I could use a lot of hot and heavy sex.. I think that would at least take some of the stress off ::weg:::

Well, I haven't bothered to make New Year's resolutions, cuz I wont stick to them, and, frankly, I'm just too tired and distracted to care to try. All I want out of this year, is to get back on my feet, and try to make my life as happy and stress free as possible... and also to work on finding time to see about that hot sex thing.

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