Friday, October 26, 2007

Good Gawd. Brutus!


My roomie has a dog, named Brutus. He's a boxer, and he's a really good dog. Except for one thing. Brutus is a farter. Now, I know that some people like to pass a little gas and blame it on the dog, but this time it really is him. I have always had dogs, and I have 3 of my own now, and on occasion I know they do tend to let one loose, and it's usually pretty funny. Especially when they're really loud and you can hear them cuz, let's face it, dog farts are funny, or maybe that's just me. Brutus's farts, however, are no laughing matter. They're toxic, noxious, nose-punishing and constant. I don't know if it's the brand of food Phil buys, or the fact that he has taken to eating both his food and some of my dog's food, in combination with the table scraps I share with him, or just some intestinal disorder he's suffering from, but he's foul. Okay, it is still kind of funny, even as bad as it is, but I just wish it was a lot less frequent. Really, it's all day, several times a day, and nobody else seems to smell them but me. He never does them when anyone else is around. It's like he saves them until we're alone together, a token of love like cats who leave dead things on the porch as gifts. It wouldn't be that big of a problem, except Brutus loves me, and he insists on being as close to me as possible whenever he can get away with it. His dad tries to keep him out of my room and make him stay in the living room, because he doesn't like him on the carpets, but he'll sneak in here every chance he gets and lie down right next to me.. sometimes so close he's sitting or sleeping on my foot. Then, I'll be sitting here, minding my own business, working or playing or whatever I happen to be doing and suddenly I'll be hit with something that smells like, to quote Michael Jackson, "the funk of 40,000 years". It happens with no warning, because his are of the silent but deadly variety in most cases, I'll have to cover my mouth until it's safe to breathe again. Maybe I should take him to a doggy GI doctor and get him scoped. I guess I could just lock him out of my room and throw him out every time he manages to get in, but it would break his heart. Could you be mean to this face?

Guess I should just invest in a good pair of noseplugs.
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